tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19571176959344553992024-02-22T08:07:50.698-08:00The Relapse DiaryThe Tales and Experiences of a addict addicted to Crack Cocaine on the Streets of Baltimore Md.The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-72145663901726803682012-07-08T17:31:00.000-07:002012-07-09T09:39:04.341-07:00"Curiosity Smokes the Crack"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>They
have this saying in Narcotics Anonymous about how even before use most
Addicts had a attraction or curiosity for the Drug life style!</b> I
believe this is true, that I already had the disease of addiction living
dormant inside of me! I come from a family of addiction, on both sides
of my family! My farther was a alcohol, crack addict and all my uncles
are Heroin, Crack addicts! My mother was a Chain Smoker who quit back in
1993 and admits she never drank or smoked because she could see a
pattern of substance abuse in her family that she didn't want to fall
victim too! So soon as I was old enough I started having street
aspirations! I wanted to get some (work)crack to sell! I saw that the
junkies had to have it and from social studies class I knew Crack was a
commodity! This was some thing its costumers had to have and I was
infatuated with it's life style! A grown man will beg a child, a woman
will have sex with a child and a child will turn against his friends and
community over the kind of money this drug generates!<br />
<br />
I had this costumer Kieth back when I live up in <b>Northbrook Township back in the early 90's!</b>
He got high but I liked him and I was sympathetic to his plite. He must
have liked me too cause I would follow him around all the time asking
him questions about crack and the drug game or he would be following me
around doing favors or taking me around to all of the Crack houses so I
could sell my Crack! My connection with this drug game was a little more
than my other juvenile dealer contemporaries! Back then I remember it
was this lady name Lisa, she lived up in <b>Deep in Wood apt!</b> Same
neighborhood, she ran a crack house, all day long I would sit in there
selling crack watching them hit the pipe, smelling the aroma of the coke
and watch them geek! Crawling around on the ground looking for rocks,
getting naked, hiding pipes! I was enticed and found this lifestyle
entertaining and interesting! Little did I know I was being groomed by a
predisposed dormant addiction! <b>Training me, being patient and like a coiled viper waiting to strike!</b><br />
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<b>All my life I knew better, Crack is against the code in the hood!</b>
As time go on I began to rationalize and intellectualize possible drug
use! Using my intelligence and reasoning to justify to myself why I
think it would be cool to use cocaine and Crack! I'm grown now but I
have all these Ideas about how good cocaine and Crack must be from all
that observation of users I sold to as a teen! They looked happy and
satisfied, it must be right! Its still no reason to put aside your self
respect and go buy it for yourself and your dormant addictive nature
knows your likes, dislikes and weaknesses and the perfect delivery
system of Crack just for you!<br />
<br />
For me it was pretty girls! Even before I was getting high I liked tricking with the girls who fell victim to the pipe! <b>Not using it but staying close staying up on where it was!</b>
Once it all went down, I saw that it was all by design but as the maze
was being built I was blind! I should have known better, regular kids
and young adults normally don't participate in the illegal drug
activities, but I did! In Baltimore City though you see more abnormal
than normal on a regular basis or it's only a few doors or buildings
away! <br />
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Now
things have come full circle and I'm the junkie and kids are serving
me! I think to myself how fast things can change. I even wonder about
the fate of some of these kids that sell to me! I remember before Crack
with it's highly addictive properties hit the streets, <b>a lot of
addicts on coke and heroin would run you off the corner for being to
curious! Kick you in the ass and tell you get the fuck away from
around there!</b> Instead of all of this science of addiction! Before
all this debate over whats the right philosophy of what causes addiction
and the best method of treatment! <b>Just kick you in the ass and
tell you get off the corner and to get the fuck back on the steps! I wish
someone would have done that for me!!! </b>The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-61558890639345238632012-07-04T14:58:00.000-07:002012-07-04T14:58:16.883-07:00"Lucky Unlucky me"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I
was hanging out with my homeboy Kay before I began using hard drugs!
Kay was my man with everything & anything else! Ecstasy, Marijuana,
Percocet, Zanni's, Oxy's, what ever you wanted Kay could get it! Kay
had been trying to get in touch with me since he got out of rehab in
Missouri but I wasn't trying to play ball! I wouldn't take or return his
calls! I had my own life going on and for some reason I just didn't
want to get involved with Kay! This attitude I had towards Kay was kind
of peculiar because, if you asked anyone Kay was my man, I loved this
dude, he was my best friend in a long time! For some reason I just
didn't want anything to do with this dude at this time! As I'm
contemplating all of this I pull up on Highland ave. & Baltimore
st.!<br />
<br />
The strip was really buzzing that Night out front
the liqueur store on the corner! A lot of cars were pulling up and
girls were jumping out with money in hand, walking super fast up to the
dealers getting served and racing back to their cars taking off! It's
was like a Crack express lane! I guess the liqueur store traffic masks
the drugs traffic! I don't know where the Police are tonight, it would
occur to me just to post up right here in front of the liqueur store but
I guess then the dealers would find somewhere else to post up and sell
their Crack! Who knows, just like everywhere else in Baltimore the
Police are getting tired. Maybe it's an investigation going on, let them
rock(sell) their Crack wide open(like it's legal), then come in and
snatch every dealer and user with a solid case! That's the only thing I
can Imagine because if this is not the case the Police are giving
the dealers in this area free reign to sell drugs! This is only rumor
but I've heard from a lot of the girl around their who
Trick(prostitute),say that they know most of the police and provide
sexual favors for some of the officers and in gratitude afterwards, a
lot of the officers get talkative giving out information on police drug
operations and stings! Which is then passed on to the dealers, from the
working girls and the drug trade goes on!!!<br />
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I'm
out on the strip now looking for someone I know who'll serve me, I
don't see anyone and no one wants to take a chance on serving me! I'm in
the car, out of the car, cruising around the block Baltimore st. to
Conkling st. to Lombard st. and back around Highland ave.!!! I'm
becoming frustrated! I have a pocket full of money but I'm being treated
like a drug social leper! It's making me angry because I'm not hot or
the Police but everyone is treating me that way and I know they got the
drugs, I've just watched them serve like ten fiends right in front of
me! So I get out the car one more time and as I'm getting out the car I
see my girl Kelly, she's on her way to cop! She focus solely on her task
walking right by me! I flag her down, telling her what's up, that I
can't get anyone to serve me! She's laughing at me!!! "It's cause you a
rookie, Y'all new Crack Smokers" "Don't worry though I got you baby,
What you want? dimes or twenties and how many? I give here a
hundred. She says they'll throw in four extra and could she have them?
I'm like cool and I go and wait in my car until she returns. I watched
her from the car she's cute but we've always kept it strictly business!<br />
<br />
Theirs
a guy waiting for her in a F150 and he's looking at me like who and the
fuck I am! So Kelly comes out of the alley going left and the dealer
is shortly behind her breaking right! The dealer looks suspicious fixing
and arranging his pockets as he comes out of the alley! She goes past
the guy she's with in the truck telling him to WAIT, real loud and
animated!!! I'm hoping this doesn't break out into something too heated
that could get us all arrested!!! She jumps in my car and says OK nine
for you and one for my trouble!!! I don't even get into the extra she
talked about. One outta ten is the least I could do for her making the
buy for me! She's making small talk now! So what you been up to and do I
still live up on Montford? I tell her no. She smiles saying, "you and
the girlfriend fell out?" She says, "well if you need some where
to chill and smoke your Crack, call me!" I'm going to take care of this
guy I'm with, then I'm going up my house! Make sure you call me we'll
have a good time, seriously call me in like a half, OK! I smile and say,
yes I will, she hugs me and I'm on my way! She's cute as shit as she
runs and climbs up in that big truck smiling back at me!!! It's funny
I've seen her a million times out on these streets but she never let me
know she had her eyes on me! Sometimes I've even thought she was a
bitch, always with a funky attitude! I guess since I've moved she's
missed me or missed seeing me around the Crack Houses!<br />
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A
half hour later I've jumped on I-895 to I-97, I'm out Millerville
on Quarterfield rd. My man Kay is out their staying with his sister.
She's tired of him and in need a break! He brought her over here from
Bahrain, it started out good but he's gone of the deep in and her
loyalty to family is wearing then in the face of his heroin abuse! She
doesn't know I'm gone too, If she did I'm not sure she would have turned
her brother over so easy but I use to be someone you would have trusted
your kids or your own personal safety with, let alone your brother! So I
tell her we're cool and she gets a couple of hours peace to herself.
She gives me a hug and me and Kay are out the door!<br />
<br />
On
my way out, I call Kelly telling her I'm on my way and she tells me
she's got some girl friends up on Faimont & Patterson!!! She asks me
to grab something to drink, Newport's a couple of stems and some fresh
chore boy!!! I tell her my man is with me and could she get some
Dope(heroin) for him? She says cool just hurry up cause they really
could use that drink & them cigarettes, sounding really up for a
good time, I hear the girls having a good time in the background too!!!
I'm exited and imagining the possibilities of what the night has in
store! We get to the door and I knock, Kelly lets us in, hugging us
both, welcoming us in! We walk to the back of the hall, their room is
three door down the hallway! They have a one room apartment in the back!
As we come in I see we have hit the jack pot I see all girls in their
mid to late twenties! All small girls sexy and tight! Two brunettes and a
red head, good times! Everybody has there own drugs too and are getting
down to business! That's the best thing fucking with chicks down here
all the tricks like white girls so they always have their own money!!!
You can actually chill out and have a good time! I ask for Kay, who has
some Dope? All them bitches got dope(heroin)! They speed balling
sniffing dope and smoking coke!!! The girls are on Kay's dick! All over
him, they say he looks like Collin Ferrel and they're showing him a lot
of attention! So we good, Kelly is happy to see me and the other girls
are basically fighting over Kay!!!<br />
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So
Kay pulls out his tools and the girls are surprised he shoots up! They
cool though and they are treating him like a King! One girl cooks the
dope up for him, another ties him up and then the other girl shoots him
up! He's getting a full service treatment! I watch the blood and heroin
mix in the syringe as they pump it into his veins! They take out the
needle and loosen the belt! It hits him, he begin to sweat a little and
looks smacked it's good! The girls are all amused with his satisfaction!
They are all laughing and high fiveing satisfied by how good the dope
is and the effect its having over Kay! While Kay is being broken over by
the waves of the heroin the girls are high and tipsy from the Red berry
and Pear Ciroc Vodka I brought along. Now they are all trying to take
advantage of Kay!!! My man is right in the mix of where most men
would fight to be!!! I think he's kind of not with it, but three cute
girls, the heroins good, he doesn't stand a chance! Now they have got
his pants and underwear around his ankles and all three of them and
sharing his dick and balls like a dessert from "Rita's" as they all take
turns sneaking lustful peaks at me and Kelly on the bed together!!! I
am about the walk over a join in but Kelly pulls me back onto the bed
with her and sticks her hand into my pants, playing with my dick! My
balls and groin clinches up like I'm about to premature ejaculate and a
hot waves rush over my face!!! Kelly starts to laugh and calls for the
attention of the other girls they like, "look y'all he's blushing!" They
all find this to be the funniest shit ever a black man light enough to
blush!!! Nah nah, Kay, your no longer the cutest shit in the room!!!<br />
<br />
I
guess the girls like their men in variety because now the girls are
alternating between Me, Kay & Kelly!!! While Kelly is sucking my
dick one of the other girls sits besides me and begins to massage my
stomach and balls while Kelly is sucking my dick faster and faster as I
tense up and cum over them both!!! Oh my God it feels so good, My dick
is exploding pumping like a oil rig that just struck black gold! An they
are both fighting for it!!! Licking, kissing and fighting all over it,
back and forth up and down!!! I look over now and both of the girls with
Kay are completely naked and there taking turns riding, fucking the
shit out of him like hes quarter operated department store hobby horse!
The dope has got his dick hard(They call this a doped dick) and these
girls are taking full advantage of it like he's automated dildo!
They're loving it as I'm watching them climb on and off of his dicks
taking turns like a round robin game! Kelly ask me do I want to get in?
I'm like, "yeah" but I just came! One girl yells out, "Sniff some dope!"
I'm like I don't really like dope and I don't shoot up! She puts some
heroin on a match book and I sniff it all back! I get
immediately nauseous! They see it too," Girl hurry up, Girl hurry up,
get the bucket he's gonna throw up!!!) I throw up too and I'm instantly
high as shit! They're laughing now fiveing to each other! "Look at him
girl, he's high as shit,this shit is the bomb, I told y'all, they care
both fucked up!!!" They cleaned me up with Wet Wipes and Scope! Now
we're all on the bed me Kay and the Four girl! Dicks hard as shit and in
another world from the effects of the heroin! Everything is hazy like a
movie flash back scene!!! Its just a haze of flashes of asses,
pussies, titties, gasps screams and smiles as we fuck them all hard and
vigorously!!! Making them all cum over and over and over!!! Until we put
all of these Ho's to sleep. Soon after I pass out and go to sleep...<br />
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Kay
wakes me up shortly after I dose off. It's day light he's whispering,
"what the fuck are you whispering for?" I wake up all the girls!
Everyone a little pissed I guess they wanted to sleep in! Kay says the
police are out side! We all think he's paranoid! We look outside, Oh
shit its our worse Nightmare, the whole police force are fucking out
there! I'm getting dressed but my heart is slowly sinking! I'm thinking
it's over for me! I'm probably going to spend the next seventeen years
of my life in prison! They say life is full of bitter and sweets! Last
night was a full of sweets so I'm dreading the possibilities of how
bitter it's about to get for us! All the best memories of last night are
flashing through my head, we had a amazing time last night four sweet
asses and pussies in the air glistening with perspiration, game for some
good dick and gave it up to us fully and uninhibited! Now is all about
to end so badly!<br />
<br />
The Police hit each door one by
one as the girls scurry to clean everything we had remaining from last
night! The Police hit the door and we open up! One girl says, "Girl why
you open the door?" I think to myself,"Yeah girl why you open the door?"
They ask for all of our ID's they check them all none of us have
warrants as the checks come back! One the cops finds a mirror with some
crack and heroin remaining on it. They call in the Operations Commander!
We all wait impatiently for the fate we know that soon to befall us
all. The Commander comes in with a look of a disapproving Grandfather.
He begins to lectures us all Individually and together! Our ID's say,
none of us actually lived around there in that neighborhood! He sweeps
the mirror off onto the floor and tell us their only there for warrants,
and to get our things and get out! It's our lucky day!!! As we walk
away down the narrow hallway free the other fugitives who haven't been
so lucky are calling us all snitches and to never come around there
again! One girl starts fussing with them about she ain't no snitch!
Kelly puts her arms around her like,"Fuck them girl lets get the fuck
away from here while we still can!!! We all leave in separate
directions, Kelly looks back and mouths "Call me"! I muster what smile I
can and nod my head yes. I don't want to appear too happy until I'm
completely in the clear.<br />
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Now
I'm in the car taking Kay home I think to myself, God is sending me a
message,"Everyday from now I'm living at the mercy of his time"!!! With a
straight face, Kay asks me, do I want to go somewhere else to get some
more drugs! He says it's a morning shop that's just opening over at the
West Side Shopping Center!!! I just shake my head holding back my furry
& frustration!!! I can barely muster it out but I say "Yo I'm taking
you home!!!" He's still like alright yo, I just was saying, you can
just drop me off I'll make my own way home!!! I'm still like, "YO, I'm
taking you home"..... <br />
<br />The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-29635901633766975062012-06-28T11:46:00.001-07:002012-07-04T08:10:53.823-07:00"Two Monkeys can't sell Bananas"<b>I had met this guy Joo from New York, who had relocated down</b><br />
<b>here(Baltimore) to try the </b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Zxn4xR_XQiSi7EDkhiqJjotAk_fyE84ap5JzypfLZ2fmGIyMhyuRzWJHJHPLL0OOtFIsqDW0edZPrN55LXB9Vf-AjiIoG1Sxa5syhzmC5DRHvtBgGbz420C_xKX7-QhAootkTgaOytE/s1600/imagesCAQCOBH1.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Zxn4xR_XQiSi7EDkhiqJjotAk_fyE84ap5JzypfLZ2fmGIyMhyuRzWJHJHPLL0OOtFIsqDW0edZPrN55LXB9Vf-AjiIoG1Sxa5syhzmC5DRHvtBgGbz420C_xKX7-QhAootkTgaOytE/s1600/imagesCAQCOBH1.jpg" /></a><b>Maryland thing! You know get a fresh start,
see if he could have the success a lot of other New Yorkers have when
they migrate down south!</b> Things were going good for him in
Baltimore, he had a nice wife and a new born but I guess for some
people, old habits are hard to break(Drug Selling)! He had got a
apartment over there on McClean blvd and Perring Parkway(Northbrook)! We
met one day in passing and he started off light talking me up, letting
me know that he had or could get weight and variety in Marijuana!<b> I
in return let him know I wasn't interested in the Weed but I told him I
knew some Crack Heads and if he could get me some Coke it would be no
problem to move it for him!</b> To myself at the time the proposal
sounded good I could sell Crack on the side and smoke my profits! Doing
it like that I figured I'd be able to hold onto some money I normally
spend using Crack and <b>if I could stay on top of my discipline, make some extra money on the side!</b><br />
<br />
<b>So Joo
told me he'd be going up New York on thursday and he'd be in touch with
me by friday or saturday so I'd be able to get a start on things by
friday or saturday!</b> So about friday around 5pm I recieved a call
from Joo telling me to come around his house cause everything was
straight(Drugs had arrived)! I came out their to get the package and
then I could try and make some moves! <b>So I get over there and he has a half onze of powder coke! Already I'm like I need this rocked up!</b>
So he asks can I rock it up turning it into crack or do I know someone
who could! I tell him yeah just to make him feel comfortable and he give
me the coke and I tell him <b>I'd give him a call on monday to tell him how its going!</b><br />
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As I'm walking up the street I'm feeling good!<b> Having
that much cocaine in hand isn't bothering me at all(temptation to use)!
I had been worrying a little all week how I'd handle the temptation!</b> I'm
really focused and trying to do the right thing! Subscribing to the
reality of you can't smoke coke and sell coke at the same time! Up in
the next court, <b>I knew lady named Toni who lived in that area. She
kept a lot of smokers at her house and she'd probably be able to cook
it up for me or put me on to someone who would be able to!</b> I knock
on the door at Toni's house and she's happy to see me! She's older than
me, like forty five but she's still got it in all the right places,
you'd never guess more than thirty/thirty five! She was light skinned,
long natural curly sandy blonde hair with real pretty eyes and lips! I
came in and we caught up a little! <b>She asks me if I have or wanted to
get anything(Crack)! Cause she has the house to herself and she would
mind hanging out with me! </b> I'm exited like someone with a secret
cause when she see's what I have she's gonna freak! So I pull out the
bag from inside of my jacket! She says, "Is That Real" I'm
like,"yeah!!!" <b>She's like your gonna have to rock that up or shit sell it as powder and they can rock it themselves!</b>
She asks me how good it is? I tell here that I just got it and I
haven't tested it yet! So she say lets do a line or two so we can see
what we've got! So we get out a hard piece and and smash it up with a
credit card then chopped it down into six lines! <b>She gets a
wide Mcdonalds straw and some scissors cut me a piece and herself a
piece! I go down and do a line as it goes down my throat and lungs it
good I get a rush of pleasure instantly! It feels real good!</b> Toni
goes down and does a line she comes right back up like damn this shit is
good, who did you get this from!!! I don't tell her the whole deal but
just some of the outline and she says she figure that it had to come
from somewhere cause its hard to find powder or good powder at all in
Baltimore Latley! <b>She trys to convince me to only cook up a 8 ball at
a time cause some people might be interested in buying it raw so they
can stretch it themselves being as the quality was so good!</b><br />
<br />
She does another line and she's up high and cooking!!! <b>She's
happy and perky too, this shit is good! She gets the coffee pot, some
baken soda turns on the stove and she's off! I'm a little worried cause
I'm not sure about if she actually knows whats she's doing or it's the
cocaine talking!</b> She measured the coke into the pot, adds about 1/3 amount of baken soda, with just enough water for it to float! <b>As she cooks it she jabs at the oily base that begins seperate so she keeps stirring it to begining to form and resemble crack!</b>
I have to watch her closely she keeps tasting the coke from the coffee
pot walls, like a kid licking cake mix from a mixing bowl! <b>I know the
temptation but if she keeps licking I'm gonna be a gram or two
short! She's sexy though in her little shorts and tank top Shaking her
ass and dancing to the radio as she cooks up for me!</b> She gets a cold
water picture from the fridge and drizzle a little cold water into the
coffee pot and the substance begans to harden inside the pot! She spoons
out all of the coke onto a coffee filter so it can dry! <b>Suddenly she
puts her arms around my neck and start to dance with me! Pushing me
back again the counter slow grinding her hips against me as she makes
steady eye contact!</b> She looks real hot right now! I wonder how far
this is going to go cause I'm turned on and she's looking real good
right now, as she slides her hips back and forth up and down against
mines! She turns around now rubbing her ass cheaks up and down against
me!<b> She can feel that I'm fully interested as she finds my
interest and places it between her ass sliding up and down on my
exitement!</b> She turns around and gets a rubber spatchula then skims
all the remainder of the drying Crack from inside the coffee pot! This
is a woman who knows her way around a kitchen! She then gets out a small
step later and gets down from on top of her cabinets two Crack stims!
She's flirting and smile with her eyes as she asks me do I want to
test the crack she cooked for me out! I take some of the wet crack off
of the spatchula and load both stims! I can tell by how it looks while
it's drying, it's already going to be good! It's coming back white
flacky and shimmery vs biege and chalky, which means it's mostly Cocaine
and not baken soda! I ask her for a lighter she's like baby we can hit
off of the stove! <b>Ok sounds good to me off the stove top! I lean over
the stove to take the hit and boy did I get a big blast with the heat
from the stove!!! The stove heat excelerates the speed and the volume of
the hit! It uses up the Crack fast, but it's nothing like it, SHEW!!!</b><br />
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<b>She takes her Hit from the stove and now she's got me by the hand leading me back to her bedroom</b>!
She's ready, she comes in the room and strips down fast! Then crawls
onto the bed looking over her sholder at me in Doggystyle! <b>She looks so sexy and her pussy is pretty! As she tells me to come on, she's ready and she wants to be fucked!</b>
I get out of my clothes fast, putting on the Magnum and climbed behind
her on my knees as I held around the waist from behind! Her hair is
pretty like a Puerto Rican bombshell or Bi racial beauty! It naturally
spirals and twists like wet and wavy! She gasps as I slide inside of her
slow, she closes her eyes and tosses her hair over her neck and
sholders onto her back! <b>Her red butter pican skin is so sexy and her
pusy is wet as I slide in and out and out her! As she curls her lips,
clinching her face and pussy walls at the same time, while she grasps
the brass bars of the day bed!</b> I reach around and grasp her breast
from behind, burying myface into the back of her neck pressing the side
of her face against the wall fucking her slow, forcefull and steady
until SHE SCREAMS OUT IN PLEASURE!!! She cums, while I'm holding her
their tightly! Her bodys relaxed against the wall now as I fast fuck
her orgasmed weak pussy and hips until I reach her in cumming!!!<br />
<br />
<b>Now we
lay together side by side in bed, covered from the waist down as we
bag up the Crack! She tells me I've really made her night! She didn't
have anything planned and the house all to herself!</b> She asked what
made me come over there? An if I had previously thought of her in a
sexual way! I said you just struck me as someone who was close by, that
possibly could cook and not that I thought I was going to get it(pussy)
or I was trying to get it! I'm happy I did and the pussy was good!!!
Then there's a loud knock at the door and her phone rings while we try
to get some clothes on! It's our first customer of the night!!! <br />
The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-7881906108869615462012-06-22T23:26:00.000-07:002012-06-22T23:26:54.559-07:00"Man vs Wild" Crack Edition 3/3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>When
we last left off I was in a Crack induced stooper from putting to much
Cocaine on a Crack pipe that already had a lot of unfinished Coke on it!</b>
Crack is wild, sometimes it can hit you where your up and highly
stimulated! Your up and speeding around like your at a rave and
sometimes it just hits you ice cold where your just stuck, froze, a
truly having a out of body experience until you come back down! <b>As the say in crack slang, "A beam up!" Yeah, Kirk to Scottie! I was gone....</b><br />
<br />
Things
begin to return to focus and deep inside I have a internal fear of
returning back to prison! If I get knocked for everything I'm involved
in this evening! <b>I'll be facing 25yr no parole! Three strikes is a
mutha fucka! All the same though, I don't know if it's my mind powered
by crack or optimism in my ability to evade arrest but now I'm out
the trailer and my feet are on the ground! </b>Standing between the
trailers I watch the helicopter circling the rail yard with a spot
light! If you read my blog I'm sure you have your opinions about my
state of mind! To be honest though I realize I'm a little crazy! <b>I'm feeling like Bear Grills from "Man vs Wild!"</b> I'm feeling like I can pull this off! <br />
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The copter takes a long loop,<b> like a girl playing double dutch I'm through the cars and across the tracks into the adjacent woods!</b>
The copter pans back around for another pass! I'm actually wondering if
I'm tripping as to if this copter is actually looking for me or this
is all some kind of coincidence! Just as I'm thinking this the copter
hovers over my area and shines the light into the brush! <b>I'm
wondering whether or not heat scan technology s real and if its does
Baltimore's Police department have this and I'm high as shit paranoid!</b>
So I start covering myself in damp leaves and brush to disguise my heat
signature! The helicopter bugs out(leaves)! I begin to think if they
made me they'll have to come in on foot! <b>Man hunt shit and I'm sure if the Baltimore police aren't up for this.</b>
I burrow and wrestle my way through a bunch of foliage and thorns, now
I'm on the train over pass bridge at Loch Raven blvd & 25th
st across from the Clover land dairy. The police are definently on high
alert, up and down both streets and the copter is circling! I run across
the bridge and down into the dairy's train yard! The Helicopter returns
flying above and spotlighting the car yard! <b>Damn I feel like Wesley
Snipes in US Marshall, this shit is out of hand and if it goes down
wrong can lead to me possibly beings shot or mauled be the K9 unit!</b> Though nervous, I'm still feeling good about my chances having made it this far!<br />
<br />
<b>I crawl my way up a steep incline in the direction of Kirk ave & 25th st!</b> I
come to a clearing with big boulders you can sit on. It's kind of like a
camp site! The rocks are spray painted with graffiti, <b>I guess this is a junky chill spot!</b> So I chill, believe the police trail has gone cold! So I could really use a hit or maybe two! <b>My pipe is mad frosty from constantly putting fresh coke on it but not being able to enjoy it! </b>So
I cover my flame as much as I can and take a good blast! This hit me
good and I feel good and relaxed! Then I look at myself, I'm all
scratched up and dirty! I won't be able to make it to Toney's house
or car, the police will catch me for sure! I climb down the other side
of the embankment! It's a rusty barbwire fence! <b>I'm not climbing this, oh lucky me it a whole in the fence! I guess I'm not the first person to come this way before!</b> I squeeze through the hole! looking down the hill, I'm between the garage and the gas station next to the M&T Bank! <b>It's hot as shit police flying in both directions and I can still hear that Helicopter!</b><br />
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I really contemplate trying to play it cool and walk back to Toney's place<b>! I know I won't make it! So I just wait, bunker down and wait! Patience is truly a virtue if you can handle it!</b>
I wait in the trees and the brush, it's obvious they have no idea where
I could be! I lay there on that hill watching people get gas, police
circling, sweating & being eatin alive by mosqitoes! <b>Then 2hr later I'm in a cab head back to Aiken ave & Darely ave. Toney is on the porch happy as shit to see me!</b>
"Yo, you ain't even have to do all that!" Me to myself,"Yeah that easy
for you to say, you basically pointed me out", like a hunting dog! <b>He
brings me inside to his basement! Two freaks on deck, I have four dimes
left and porno's on, Crack on the dresser, these girls must have had a
good night on the track!</b> I sit down and start breaking down my
bags! They ask, where did I get that crack from, they can tell it's
shorties! I tell them the whole story, they say they thought so! <b>We
start smoking Crack and talking dirty and reckless about genitalia as
the porn get interesting! Now they want to help me out of my dirty
clothes!!!!</b> The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-10497947236490911522012-06-17T22:14:00.002-07:002012-06-17T22:14:55.368-07:00"The BodyGuard Prison Riot!!!"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I remember when I was 18 I was locked up at the Patuxent
Correctional Institution, this was like 1995. I had previously
been housed at the Hagerstown Correctional Institution! An a Horrible
rumor surfaced about a recently deceased and World Famous
Recording Superstar that almost erupted a prison into violence
and ruined Movie Night!!! Hagerstown(the new jail) was opened in the
nineteen seventies to let you Know just how new this prison was!</b> I
have heard about other prisons in Maryland too being worse, for y'all
know it all's, well I've been to them too but in 1994 thru 1995 this
place was a fucking gladiators academy! It was full of a bunch of wild
fucking animals population and staff! In the short time I was there, I
saw so many people stabbed and beating with blunt objects it wasn't
funny! When I first got there I was told to stay to myself, not to join
any gangs and get out as soon as possible! After I saw a 15 year old
stabbed to death over something so not worth the price of his life my
priorities quickly changed! I became more concerned with just coming
home alive and unscarred versus coming home as soon as possible!<br />
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<b> I
remember once I took a chance on missing my cell door at lock in
time for a bowl of cookies! I was hungry and a young man, things like
cookies still had a lot of value in my hierarchy of needs! </b> It was like eleven pm. dinner had been about five hour ago! My friend Mike told me to come to his cell and he'd give me some<b> lemon creme cookies!</b>
He slept like 25 doors across the tier from me! As I'm waiting by the
door he tells me that the correctional officers were about to shut the
door and to go and wait by my door and he would throw the cookie to me!
As I'm making the twenty five door run the electronic doors began to
close! <b>Everyone was yelling, "Hurry up shorty before you get locked out, They will throw you in the whole!"</b> So
I'm racing toward my cell door not to be locked out because I didn't
want to be subjected to disciplinary action and solitary confinement for
missing a door at lock in time!<b> I hear Mike's voice,"little P,
heads up!" High in the air like a rocket from Manning to Harrison, I see
the bowl of cookie flying in the air toward me! I'm reading the cookies
like a wide receiver as Watch the daylight of the electronic door
eclipsing like the sunset!</b> Right as I make the catch over my
shoulder in just enough time to have enough room to slide through the
door and roll on the floor in my cell! <b>The whole tier goes crazy, like I made the Super Bowl Winning Catch! The jail was in short supply of entertainment I guess!</b>
They loved that shit and the jail erupted in a cheer!!! I was 18 yrs
old, impressed with myself and smiling from excitement with a bowl of
lemon cookies to soothe my nightly sweet tooth!<br />
<br />
As I sit on my bunk talking to my cellmate! <b>Our
door pops open, it's the prison officers, they walk in!!! My cellmate
jumps down from the top bunk and I stand in alert! The officer tell us
to be at ease, they just want to talk!</b> They tell me they know I'm
new and that their are a lot of other White Older Officer who work
there, who would give me a beating for a stunt like that and to <b>let this serve me as a warning from some of the officer who work their that were a little more sensitive to race!</b>
A week later I was approached by a Black Female prison psychologist!
She expressed to me that she new about the violence and Racism of the
Hagerstown Institution. She asked me would I like a chance to get of
jail early by participate in a youth offender behavioral experiment! <b>Two weeks later I'm shackled from head to toe, on the back of a bus, life as a shorty shouldn't be so ruff!!!</b><br />
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<b>So
I'm at the patuxent facility and the jail is trying to find space for
it new teen offender section! So they have us temporarily housed with
the parole violators!</b> The system had become so over crowded and the
streets were so hot the Classification Center of Maryland known as
D.O.C. couldn't keep up with the inmate intake and classification
process! I was cool though, because it was definitely a lot more relaxed
than Hagertown! <b>Where Hagerstown was a Chopping Mall, this play was
sweet, they called it Wide Open meaning you could do or have access to
anything you could have on the street! Money, pussy, drugs and
alcohol! Plus they had some fine ass women officers that were nice and
sympathetic to our plight as young men behind bars!!! A lot of us still
looked like kids you'd see on the street! Middle school, High school
hustlers and Killers!</b> An a lot of the parole violator being fresh
off the streets were shocked to see over hundreds kids 14 to 21 years of
age all charged with violent and heinous crimes! <b>They never harassed
or tried to take advantage of us, I guess they figured we had enough
trouble on our plates to deal with as is! Maybe we reminded them
of their families, nephews, kids or little brothers! Maybe they
just wanted to get back on the street as soon as possible and a jail
infraction with some wild kids could screw all of that up for them!</b><br />
<br />
<b>So
I met this old cat name LA., I'd seen LA. out the county jail before
back in 1993 when I was first charged with what I was currently locked
up for! I went home for six months until I was found guilty! I guess
LA. wasn't as fortunate! He was a tough built guy but he had a heart of
gold! Could have been a Monster but had a real good heart and a since of
honor! He kind of reminded me of Tyson in a way! Mike Tyson not Tyson
Beckford! </b>So one day the Movie of the Week was<b> "The Body Guard" Starring Whitney Houston!!! </b> It had just come out on video too and one the Prison Guards brought it into the jail for us to watch for Tuesdays Movie Night! <b>Everyone was exited, it was movie night and Whitney Houston was Big Shit back then!</b>
She was at the Top of her game and the undisputed the Best Singer Out
at that Time! Whitney had the hottest movie and album out when it came
out in 1992! Now were in jail their aren't a lot of perks so to get a
chance to enjoy something that current is a big deal! If I was still up
in the Mountains of Hagerstown, I wouldn't be watching no damn"<b> "The BodyGuard"</b> <b> So for
a couple of hours Whitney took us all away from our problem and back to
a time when we were free! We call it going uptown in jail, traveling in
your mind transcending out of your physical surroundings! Everyone was
on the edge of their seats and quiet hanging on to Whitney's every
appearance, expression, words and notes!</b><br />
<br />
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<b>Everyone
except LA., He made it very vocal as to how much he didn't like Whitney
Houston and how to him, she wasn't shit but a fake as Pipe Smoking
Bitch!</b> Now remember this is before the Diane Sawyer interview! Like a
solid 4yr years before the whole rumors of the Crack use allegations
began to surface! But right now in 1995 it's guy saying when he was on
the run, like between 1989/1990! <b>He spent time with Whitney Houston and she was one of his biggest customers!</b> This shit immediately caused a fucking tier up rising!<b> Niggas was MAD</b>,<b> I fucks with(really like) Whitney Houston but these Mutha Fuckas took it personal!</b> L.A went on to say that Whitney and her Entourage would call from the studio where I guess they were working on <b>"The BodyGuard Album"</b>
and tell him to get the Crack ready because they were coming to party!
He said this went on to become a every night thing and they would stay
at his Crack house Smoking Coke until the Sun came up! He said, Whitney
was a straight fiend like she was the worst one when it came to smoking
that shit out of the whole bunch! <b>He wouldn't back down on this
either!!!Even in the face of being increasingly out numbered by a
surprising amount of Prison population Whitney Houston fans
with knives!!! He was not intimidated and was sticking to his story! As
he brandished his own Knife made of a 10 inch nail with a torn pillow
case rapped around the end, as a make shift handle!</b> It was on the
verge of starting a full fledged riot! The riot squad had to be called!
Eventually storming our tier and forcing us into our cells for the
night !!! Imagine their bewilderment when they found out all of
this began because someone said Whitney Houston Smoked Crack! Which at
this time was unheard of!!! <b>They had to turn off the movie and they
made us lock in for the rest of the night, no showers, no phone calls,
no visits, it was still early too like 8:30!!! We were pissed with
LA.!!! </b> LA. I guess he had a issue with people who put stars on a
pedestal! In a whole other stratosphere beyond the range of average
humans!!! Stars are up in the sky is what he would say! In his
own words, she was just not a mere mortal but, A Pipe Smoking Bitch!!!<b> Damn LA. What did Whitney Houston do or Say to you back at the Crack House????</b><br />
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<b>So
you can imagine my surprise four years later when Whitney came out on
TV to clear the air of the rumors of her alleged Crack use! She
said,"Crack is Wack!!!" I was telling everyone I knew about the story
of the "The Body Guard" Prison Riot and why it happened!</b> Everyone
was on the fence like why are people trying to put that bad bone out on
Whitney! Before this had came to pass I had knowledge of a source
confirming this that culminated with a ensuing Prison Riot! All because
of this same rumor! <b>An well we know how this story ended, May She
Rest in Peace but just to let you know before Access Hollywood,
Entertainment Tonight and Inside addition!!! L.A. already had the Word
on the Street or as I like to call it "The Pipe Talk!!!!"</b> <br />
<br />The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-67276826449358394912012-06-10T14:13:00.000-07:002012-06-11T00:09:22.484-07:00"My Redneck Relapse"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2gsYvwA1dwAdfgsVbUB8Cy8eBt7ZWdbGmB9-Q-HU27CTSmk5oPNzJXtu-Rb79FinIuVpnmyQ4wQjdwI_IeaG-AOI3gPg3HCiOwG4A0diGOjvDpaLcvxXOAFRDYK7My2IkCDFCcla6rFQ/s1600/redneck+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2gsYvwA1dwAdfgsVbUB8Cy8eBt7ZWdbGmB9-Q-HU27CTSmk5oPNzJXtu-Rb79FinIuVpnmyQ4wQjdwI_IeaG-AOI3gPg3HCiOwG4A0diGOjvDpaLcvxXOAFRDYK7My2IkCDFCcla6rFQ/s1600/redneck+woman.jpg" /></a></div>
I had met this girl from Austin TX via a Internet dating site. She
was up here staying visiting her family in Westminster and at the time I
found her so charming! I hadn't been getting high for about three
months so I had some money saved up! Shorty and me had been E-mailing
each other a lot and speaking on the phone sometimes and I had begun to
liked her a lot! She had this Houston(Swisher House) like accent and
southern charm, I was so with it! Ultimately I went out to Westminster
to see her! I rented a Charger, got fresh, my wardrobe was O's Hat, O's
color Air max Skyline, V-neck white-T fitted, I'm built (I know
contrary to most crack heads) and some fresh Medium Blue Gap jeans! They
weren't skinny jeans but they were fitting! So to all y'all thugs the
girls love it(a lot of Eye Drops)!<br />
So anyway I show
up at the mall that her farther had this furniture store in. As I'm
walking through the mall ain't no black people out there but all the
white boys thuged out! So the only thing different about me than them is
my skin color but everybody is still looking at me strange. That's some
real social commentary for you. I know all these older white people
don't think their kids just started dressing like this on their own!<br />
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So
I get to the store walk into the back and I see some customers looking
around shopping. Then I see this little thick brunette in a Denim outfit
with a long pony tail, rosie cheeks and a little cute turned up nose.
She's sexy and thick but not what I expected at all. So being as though
I'm a black person, she knows I must be the guy she's been corresponding
with! She looks over her shoulder winks and mouths, wait one sec! As
I'm listening in as she assists customers, she has a smooth syrupy
southern draw to her speech and she a slick sales person too, kind of
like one of those Rip Off Used Car Salesman you see on TV! I'm with it
though, I can see now why some people are attracted to Red Necks, it's
kind of hot! So she get a minute and comes over to me leans over a
dresser showing her cleavage smiling and in that accent says,"Now what
can I do for you sugar!" If you don't know already I'm hooked and if I
had any reservations, I am now on board!<br />
<br />
So after
the customers leave we go in the back, she had a little make shift
office with a desk, microwave, daybed, table and they' made walls with
stacked inventory boxes for privacy. It's a little maze so you are kind
of surprised when you finally get back there and see everything! She
also had a refrigerator back there filled with all these snacks and junk
food, It was a whole bunch of snacks and junk on top of it too(This
bitch had more snacks than Baby D)! On the real fast though as we went
back there, I saw her do a slight of hand move real quick! Picking up a
mirror from on top of the desk and putting it in her office desk draw! I
let it slide, I really couldn't make out what was on the mirror and
before I could think about it she on my lap with that big country ass,
taking off my hat breathing hot on my ears, neck and stroking my head as
she tells my how cute she thinks I am! So y'all know me, that mirror is
on my mind but I got some clean time under my belt so I'm cool but now
my curiosity to use has been pricked!<br />
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We're
making out and its getting hot and heavy and in the back of my mind I'm
thinking what about the store she doesn't even seem to care? So she
starts to undo the my belt pulls my pants and boxers down and just
starts to give me head right there on the day bead looking up at me
making eye contact to see if I'm pleased. It's good too, she knows
exactly what she's doing, it feels just right(the Goldy locks zone).
Just as I'm about to relax and Cum, she turns on the store surveillance
monitor and says, "hold up I gotta get some of this!" Stands up take off
her jeans and panties, so we talking about Nike runners, ankle socks,
sweet thick 4'11' white ass, Clean Pussy(Mr. Miyagi), a tight white
V-Neck T-shirt, no bra and a Denim jacket with sleeves rolled to her
elbows. I know it's trailer park but It's got me ready to Fuck! She
says, "watch the store monitor for me why I get some of this dick!" I'm
turned on more by how direct she is now than anything else! She
straddles me as I sit up on the day bed and begins to go to work just
trusting that pussy and ass back and forth on my dick! Her ass is so big
I can see it doing work from around her body! She's got a big midget
ass! She got mad rhythm too just working the dick squeezing it with her
pussy as she rides me up and down, she's loving it! I haven't slipped
out once, I just get out, "I'm about to cum" she says, "wait" and very
alertly jumps down to her knees between my legs and catches me all over
her cheeks, lips and mouth as she lick up and sucks down the rest! For
me to be the average man I'm lucky and fun doesn't owe me nothing! Megan
Fox once Tweeted," She doesn't believe in luck, she believe in God"!
I'm sorry Megan,This is a lucky sinners story, you can't put the kind of
fortune on God! Then again why in the Fuck am I explaining myself to
you anyway! Talking bout you know God? When your career is a PG13
T&A temptress! Don't get me wrong Megan, I'm a big fan but "Stay In
Your Lane!"<br />
<br />
Now shorty is laid across my lap ass
naked and gooey! She's sexy and she's wore her little pussy out this
morning! I'm like damn,"You look tired" She like, "you couldn't tell, I
Just Busted A Big Old Nut, I need a minute!" "What's a matter?" with
a smile, "you don't like my face in your lap anymore?" I'm good that's
the best fuck I've had in a minute! I feel good, relaxed and drained all
at the same time!<br />
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A minute goes by and she gets up sits at the desk opens the draw pulls
out that mirror that I thought I saw earlier and it has a hard glass
like substance on it! I'm not stupid and she's from the southwest that
must be Crystal Meth! She said, "that's why I got sent up here to get
away from this." I had gotten bad in Texas, I stopped working and going
to school,I even tricked with dealers a few times. Then I got locked up
for credit card fraud! 18 months later, three weeks out the pen and your
the first guy I fucked! I didn't realize how horny I was until I seen
your print in those skinny jeans! I say, "They aren't skinny jeans" She
laughs,"Then what the fuck is they then, Skinny enough jeans?:-)" "Cool
out Baby I'm just fucking with you!" She says, then she goes on to tell
me the 4&1/2 oz bag of Crystal she had was stolen from some Biker
lesbians she was fucking with when she was in prison! She didn't
consider herself a lesbian but admits it gets boring in jail and some of
the chicks had "Swagg pumping out their Ovaries!" So they trusted her
too much not knowing her back ground thinking she's a innocent girl they
turned out in jail! Now they got the broad fresh out the pen and she's
hanging out of her own free will, then she runs off with a 8th of a Kilo
of their Crystal Meth! I know them bitches is somewhere in Texas hot,
but like Project Pat says, "If you trusting Hoes in this game You's a
Damn fool!" She said, "today is the first time she's used since she's
had the stuff." Didn't have the urge to use but could bring her self to
throw it away. With all the excitement and enthusiasm of meeting a guy
after 18mths she says she broke the pack open this morning and started
sniffing! Couldn't stop so she brought it to work and now here we go!<br />
<br />
She chops down two big lines and breaks me off a skinny line,telling me
how pure it is and I should take it slow since I've never done Crystal
before! She takes the straw and inhales like a 1/2 gram size line all to
her self and stands straight up geeking, walking around on her heals,
toes not even touching the ground! I'm a little worried if this bitch
dies I'm "Far from home" like the movie! She comes down and I get too
comfortable pulling out my Stem(crack pipe), Her eyes get big and she
says, "I thought you've never done Crystal!" I reply, "I don't!",She
looks puzzled, as I load stem with meth, strike the lighter and look
back at her before I take my hit and say, "I DON'T, I SMOKE
CRACK!!!!!!";-) The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-42706464677313627012012-05-14T00:19:00.000-07:002012-05-20T01:08:47.969-07:00"Too Wong Boo"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTKKtizbLKgGSQHyA49qmaCsNHNIwcEF6yaKlrAybTOvnam1q8WzkT21Gk5RTox1xl9xKKo6nQoIxbpmjDSv3PBb82y9unfPHhigrMv_4xHaGR0L0T7P8lqg0q99_JiF6lOPdo0c7mn-E/s1600/chingy3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTKKtizbLKgGSQHyA49qmaCsNHNIwcEF6yaKlrAybTOvnam1q8WzkT21Gk5RTox1xl9xKKo6nQoIxbpmjDSv3PBb82y9unfPHhigrMv_4xHaGR0L0T7P8lqg0q99_JiF6lOPdo0c7mn-E/s1600/chingy3.jpg" /></a>I had been out earlier driving around in the search for some Crack, I drove down my old way Patterson Park things were dead it wasn't anyone out. For some reason no one wanted to be out hustling on the street. After that I went by Nate's house and the door had been kicked in. I guess their had been a Drug raid. So lucky lucky me, right place at the right which wasn't their a little while earlier! On this evening the wide open one stop crack shop got shut down I was at work. It funny how life goes,people want things to be complex but sometimes it a game of seconds and inches. I guess this is one of the advantages of being the working class crackhead, having a job cuts down on your probability of the problems the average street junky must face, from over exposure to this Baltimore Crack Cocaine Under World! Regardless of it all I'm getting pressed now(anxious) and this was before it ever occurred to me to go up on York Rd to buy Crack for the first time. So basically I've given up for tonight, I'm discouraged and have decided after seeing Nate's post raided house and my inability to find Crack that God himself was sending me message. I came to the belief as I was driving home that God had spared me from prison by missing the drug raid and by how dry the streets were tonight. I was beginning to take this sign as that God himself no longer wants me to smoke crack! Just as this begins to take root in my mind and thoughts, out of the corner of my eye I see a game sprung Crack freak.<br />
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Only a few blocks from home, only a few moments from excepting a opportunity for sobriety, here it is some temptation in a unsuspected place right in front of Good Samaritan Hospital, Temptation! The tension to get high from all the frustration of not being able to find any Crack came over my whole body at once as I was being taken over by a unseen entity. I pull up on shorty and roll down my window as I asked her whats up? She says, "what's up with you" and I say, "I want to hang out if she knows where we can find something". She replies, "I know just the place to go". Instantly I'm relieved and exited all at once. She seems confident in her ability to cop(find) some crack and I believe her. As she sat down I gave her a once over, she looked good but she wasn't really my type, It just wasn't anything getting my juices going! I asked her what was her name and she said Triecie. She asked in return what I was looking for I told her some Crack and she replied as I finished her phrase for her,"You don't even look like you get high!" "I know everyone says that". She asks my age and she says, "I would have guested younger". She says as we continue on, "are you sure your not the police before I take you to the spot?" Because the same thing happened to me not to long ago. She said she was tricking(prostituting)and when they got to the secluded place to do the cop, it turned out to be a sting operation. I assured her that no I wasn't the police and all the trouble I'd been through earlier and sometimes how my clean appearance can get in the way of buying Crack from dealers who don't know me. She says I could imagine because she wouldn't sell to me either if she dealt. I asked her how far we got to go she says right behind the Hospital on Woodbourne ave.<br />
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So I go down Belvedere rd. to Hillen rd and a right on to Woodbourne ave. going back towards Loch Raven blvd., I'm thinking all this time it's a Crack House right in my quiet neighborhood and I didn't know. I guess everything happens at their appointed times. In this Crack shit the wrong days or time by minutes and seconds can lead to incarceration. So she tells me to turn left on to Fenwick ave. and make a immediate right into the alley behind Woodbourne ave. She's mad paranoid and being extra cautious but I'm thinking to myself this is a sweet secluded spot and the only way it could be hot is if you or the reckless friends your about introduce me to made it hot. So we ride down the alley to the middle of the block and she tells me to cut off my cars engine and lights. I say is this the place and she says yeah I just got to talk to you first about something. So I'm like well what's up and she says do you have any problem with gay people? I don't have any problem with gay people but at the point I would have care if Elton John himself would have been in there Butt Ass Naked as long as some Crack was being sold. I say, "no Gay people cool". She comes right back with are you Gay? I say no and she says, my bad just thought you may were gay and I had to ask you. I let it roll of my back, I think she was a little burned that I didn't want to trade crack for Sex. You'd think take me to the crack for some free crack would be a good deal, versus suck my dick for some crack but I guess not, I must be Gay!<br />
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So you probably would know if you've ever have been back behind their before, that block of Woodbourne ave. is built on a big hill. It's like a two floor hike to the back door. I'm totally relaxed everything has a good feeling to it but she's being mad careful and is so worried like this house is under surveillance from the neighborhood and Police but at this time its a quiet, cool and clear midnight blue night sky. I'm kind of exited to because the journey is over and most of the time unlike straight people, gay people don't play a lot of games. So even with the Crack dynamic, I'm sure it will be the same. She knockS on the door and a soft but male voice comes through the door, Who is it? "It's Triece!" Who you got with you? "A friend he's cool", and a small brown skin gay guy comes to the door. He's in host mode and he's friendly. He's smiling so this seems like this could become a good place to smoke and hang out. The guy sticks his hand out like a girl and I shake it and smile and he invites us in. As I come in its like two more clean cut feminine gay men, two well done but obvious Transsexuals and someone I'm not to sure about, but process of elimination and the homosexual back drop, this is probably a shemale also! So as I walk in its all smiles as their all sitting around like girls smiling like I'm the new boy in class! They're like Triece so who is your friend? I keep it polite everyone is acting civil and I want things to have a good outcome so I act like I'm all good with everything! She says we just met, so one of the boy/girls says I thought you didn't trick. She looks ashamed as if the T-girl was trying to make her feel like less of a woman, though she maybe actually the only woman their. I interrupt and said, I was looking for something and I ran into her and she brought me here. The shemale takes a reluctant tone of standing corrected. Then apologizes more in a way of well he doesn't look like he gets high versus really being sorry.<br />
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So the little gay guy goes through a curtain in the back and says cool he has something. While Triecie is involved in a battle of wits with the T-girls, the one who is the spitting image of Toni Braxton motions me with her body language to take the seat beside her. I go over and sit down and begin to have a conversation. A look of jealousy now comes Triecie as if this girl is making a move on her man. She plays it off cool but I can tell she's upset but I'm a person of my word so she doesn't have to get upset I'll hit her off for bringing to her source. So as I sit and wait and get to know the "girls" I'm with I can feel the eyes of all of the T-girls upon me all at once. I look away from talking to my new friend and yes its all eyes on me. Its actually flattering everyone in the room is on you. I guess some might not find this flattering, all the same its a ego boost to be desired by everyone in the room. As I look face by face by face everyone is giving me the fuck me eyes, then I see Triecie and she is definitely not having as much fun as I am. It's almost like I have a gay harem or something, they get me a drink turn on some Maxwell and its a good time. They're all asking me questions as they hang on my every word. It's like that comercial, I'm the most interesting man in the world. Triece is becoming impatient, she says, "what the fuck is taking him so long!" One T-girls is like chill the fuck out, aren't you going to stay for awhile anyway, isn't that why you brought him here. That's the impression I had when we arrived too but I guess things have changed. So one of the Shemales sprinkles some crack shake into some broken down bud(Marijuana) and twists up a Woolie blunt. The blunt should go to the right but they want me to feel welcome so they pass the cypher to me! It smells good in the air, I look up at her/him as I smile and take the blunt, he/she smiles back as I take the blunt and take a nice slow pull, I can hear the blunt crackle and pop as I smoke. The mix of the crack and weed is a good balance. I'm super high but the weed is holding the Crack a little longer than the Crack would be by it's self. I'm feeling good now and all the tension is beginning to be released as I crack my neck, my back and my joints, finger and toes. They all laugh and say it sounds like it been awhile for some one. The reference of Gay sex makes me feel uncomfortable and they can see it all over my face, so a awkward silence takes the room. I feel bad that I wasn't able to conceal my thoughts and feelings, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable. They were all nice and I was encouraging them. Just then the little gay guy comes back with the crack. <br />
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I'm feeling so good I basically, I don't need the crack anymore, but I came under the intention to buy so I will. The little dude had like a 1/2 oz in a zip lock and asked me how much I wanted. I say let me get three grams. He takes a piece out and slices off the three grams. Toni then asks me do I have a stem. I pull out all of the pipe materials I purchased earlier and give it to her, she breaks down the chore boy and puts my pipe together for me. She then makes a fresh chore boy filter for herself. As we passed pipes and filter screen between one another our eyes meet and she stared deep into my eyes. A funny but good feeling ran through my body and I dropped my eyes as I smiled. Triecie abruptly says "what about me, you going to straighten me out right!" Almost in unison they all let out "damn Triecie calm down let the man enjoy himself that's why you brought him her right?" Toni whispers in my ear just give her what she wants so she can leave. So I chop triece off a twenty five and she has the audacity to turn up her nose. I say, "well whats the problem?" She goes off on a rant of how she's wasted her time and all I'm gone give her is a twenty five. An how me and these faggies ain't right, their stepping on her toes and I'm letting them. I slide the crack back over to me with a playing card like, "so you don't want it!" She gets high pitched and shrill, "Oh you gone take your shit back now, oh I see how it is!" She's trying to put on a good front but when I slid that Crack back over to my end of the mirror, I could hear her heart drop into her stomach! She almost look like she wanted to cry. I take the razor out adding on a nickle more and slide it back over. She graciously excepts this time, rapping up her crack and her pride in a foil gum wrapper as she exited the basement. I would go on to see Triecie several more time as I came and went night after night getting high, but we were more like strangers from then on, you would never guess she introduced me to this place, we were never again the same.<br />
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Soon as she walk out and the door was closed behind her, all of the T-girls explode into laughter as I kind of just sat there relieved in agreement to their laughter, but I can't bring myself to laugh, as I feel it would be a since of disloyalty. So Toni brings it to every one's attention that I'm too honorable and ashamed to laugh at Triecie and all of the T-girls seem to find it just as funny. So once everything has settled Toni tells me that I don't need to smoke my shit up, that I am her guest and she would like to Treat me. She reaches inside of her bra underneath a tempting revealing cleavage of a few gold chains. She removes her stash and catches me fantasizing after her breast but this time I don't turn my gaze and we meet in a strong interlocking gaze of the eyes. She knows I find her attractive now and no matter what I say with my mouth, my body and eyes make lies of everything I'll say. She takes my hand and says it alright and lights the stem slightly melting the Crack so that it melts down into the filtered screen. The Crack is still on the pipe but it has just be liquidated down into and saturated the the filter with crack cocaine. The filter has now turned from copper the a ghostly frosty white. I take the stem and take a nice deep hit. I got the hit good none of the smoke is missed as it reaches both lung compartments and the temperature of the smoke leaves me with a burning sensation as I exhale the cocaine smoke just before my longs can stand it anymore. I here a buzzing and feel it as well as I begin to get hot and sweaty. Toni asks if I'm alright and I just motion my head in agreement because I'm so high I can't bring myself to speak. I fall back into the couch as I look at the ceiling while I ride out my high. Toni and all the T-girls laugh and giggle as girls would. Bragging and laughing about how good their Cocaine was. While I lay their feeling great and a multitude of feelings and inhibitions running from head to toe through out my body, one of the girls puts on a sex tape. Its guy on girl and they all notice that it has my attention. I'm awake and mesmerized by the video, its so much more of a interpersonal experience high on cocaine. Something about the release of all of the dopamine the visual stimulation plus the drug induced euphoria creates a very realistic virtual sexual experience. Instantly and effortlessly giving sexual satisfaction,where as sex and dealing with everything that comes with it can get complicated and still not leaving you completely satisfied. Contrary to this experience always ending with a orgasmic high that mostly is never rivaled by the real thing. There is no, no or restrictions, just wild fantasy, ridiculous act, rarely recreated by real women and the amplifying effect of a cocaine induce erotic experience fantasy.<br />
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While I'm watching the movie and smoking coke traveling between dream scape drug haze fantasy and a virtual sex experience. I begin to feel a real warm and wet mouth sucking and pleasuring me orally. I look down and its Toni smiling as she looks up at me from her peripheral vision She is going for it as I watch the movie and all of the shemales watch her and me in lust. I have my reservations as to where I'm at with this, is Toni a girl or not a girl? The logic behind all of this would lead me to believe Toni is not a girl, but right now every thing except the live show audience of boy/girls, everything looks right and I'm getting some off the best head I've ever had. Toni is riding my dick with her mouth like a girl rough fucking cowgirl style riding my hips with her pussy. All this why I watch the wildest sexual acts on video. Watching my gay audience watch and squirm in their seats like real girls who are hot in their pussies. Just as I take a another hit of the crack smoke, I climax exploding in Toni's mouth as the cocaine rush drops down from my head to my loins exploding from my balls and down into Toni's throat, as she finishes me of sucking me dry of all of the remaining semen, down to the last drop. My balls and groin area shiver and quiver as Toni delivers the best head imaginable. She finally comes up off of it, smiling while wiping her chin and lower lip clean, knowing she's done a good job and that I am pleased. I am pleased too!!! A little soul searching to do, a redefinition as to my moral compass, a scattered and fragmented Psyche, but all in all pleased.... <br />
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The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-29821309909007475522012-05-02T00:57:00.000-07:002012-05-20T00:04:21.670-07:00"They Already Know"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Some junkies are real assholes and some of us junkies are not! I don't steal, murder or squat on your properties. I just find myself running into you self righteous types by coincidence either to or from on my way to purchase Crack. As you walk by me as fast as possible with your smug look like I'd snatch your purse</b> or that I'm some guy who fucked you & ducked you, even maybe some girl who drank up all your money at a bar. You gave her a ride home only finding out to your dismay, at the same club you gave her a ride from, <b>she fucked that loser Eminem wanna be who always wears that Red Velour Sean Jean Sweat Suite!</b> I'm not those Crack Heads outside of your house, sitting on your front steps, leaning against your car in the front of your house with a look of defiance, as you look down from your window at us like, "do they fucking know how hard I have to work to pay for this car!" Then each morning as you leave for work you see us getting our Crack money together, shaking down prostitutes, busting car windows, stealing car radio's & hub caps! Just then you double check the locks wondering will we decide to target your back door as soon as you pull off the block going to work. Knowing in the back of your mind that you just might return home later today because you've receive a call at work from Home Security company w/ The Baltimore City Police informing you that your house has been broken into.<br />
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<b>They need you to return home losing a days pay compounded upon see the mess someone has made of your personal property! All the love and memories that were built and cultivated inside has all been ravished away by some unknown intruders.</b> As you turn unto your block you see all of the usual suspects, the jealous as well the concerned neighbors outside of their homes! Watching you as you go through all of the useless formalities with the members of the Baltimore's finest. They'll be no investigation or any of the tricks you've come to know and see on television shows like "CSI"! It's just and a insecure, unsafe feeling of being violated and the uncertain thoughts of what could have possibly happened to you, your children or loved ones if someone would have been home when this all happened! The police had a form for you to fill out or incident report to file with your insurance company for property loss and damages! The junkies all smile and grin as well as your useless indifferent ass neighbors. While you stew and fester with so much vinegar inside as the Officers exit the wreckage of your home and you think to yourself, "Well what in the fuck do the police do all day!" Anytime I pull off the block without a seat belt on here they come. Stroll to far away from the porch with a brew in your hand and here they come. Make a right on red and be followed from your car to the door step like your a criminal. Now these assholes who you know robbed your house in broad daylight are standing right across the street from you and the police as they depart your house! Now instead of all of the harassment usually reserved for mistaken identity is now all so absent and lost on a whole community of neighbors, junkies thieves and SSI recipients! I admit we have a problem in Baltimore but lest not rest the weight of Baltimore's infection squarely on the shoulders of it's addicted population. <br />
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<b>I'm the source of some but not all of this, I'm just someone who followed my addiction so long I made a wreckage of my life! In my personal case I have a predisposed addictive behavior that wasn't diagnose until I already had a problem with drugs.</b> First and foremost before all I'm a human being. I'm just not a one dimensional character that you run into from time to time, that you squeeze in to your narrow Psyche as everything that wrong with Baltimore. Little be known I'm probably one of the people that sells you your coffee, bagel and smokes on your way to work. The person you ride the bus home with every night that makes it a little more comfortable to wait on the secluded bus stop. Always with a kind word or a funny story to get you ready for or through your day with something good to say! Lifting spirits a little when the rest of this fuck up city could give a fuck less about you. The same person who stopped you on the street out front of a store on your way to Occupy Baltimore and told you that your trunk would probably be a better place for those text books and art supplies until you get back from your rally against corporate injustice!<br />
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<b> I'm not the problem nor is any other addict or addicted person in recovery. The problem is the 300lbs Gorilla in the room that's not being talked about. Baltimore is a dirty man who's dressed in clean a New Suite. Baltimore looks great and all, but we still stink!</b> We're a infected wound wrapped in a clean bandage, as we play the blame game. In until we address and deal with our disassociated and disenfranchised, homeless, addicted and mentally ill population who roam our streets we will always have Violence, ignorance and one of the largest addicted population in the Nation. I'm addicted but I want to change, I haven't given up on myself but all of the indifference and finger pointing makes it a hell of a lot harder on the way back off of your knee's getting back onto your feet! An when the person finally breaks and you see them back on your corners wiling the fuck out, begging for change, smoking away the new shiny skin and weight gain, in their nuisance attempt as a cry out for help! You and Baltimore turn your backs of them! We have a health department where is the community outreach! An the people getting paid to inform the addicted and infected population about public resources what are they doing when they're suppose to be working. You think to yourself for a minute and you wonder why! It's because no one wants to be nuisance by relapse and recovery but can't stand to see the user in active addict plaguing Baltimore streets among us. As we supposedly shame our City in the face of visitor's, tourists, sister cities & company....The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-90084843257783620482012-05-01T01:57:00.001-07:002012-05-20T02:43:07.061-07:00"Why Must It Always Come To This"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I consider myself a good person, where some want to be goons, goblins, down ass bitches and hoes, I try to keep a hold on my humanity in the midst of this game! Sometimes or a lot of times this can be a liability in what I do out here smoking this Crack Rock & Shit!</b> I'm addicted to Crack and Crack is usually synonymous with the street and being a so called bad ass or just plain ratchet behavior! A lot of people you encounter want to be seen in this light but honestly everyone isn't build for it! All the way from the dealer down to the user and everyone you could imagine in between. The people who behave this way, I think they are just caught up into the stereotype of if you are in the game you have to act crazy or vicious! I think it's all stupid to be honest! <b>Just because you enjoy Smoking or selling Crack does this mean you have to be a killer also or a manipulative pimp or street hustler that preys on the weaknesses of others? Its false negative programing from movies and TV shows! This must be where all this senseless violence comes in, fucking up the game! </b>Like Kenny Red said in "American Pimp", "Some of them don't know if they want to be pimps or killers, some of them look like Godzilla!" Just because I'm doing something wrong or its considered Taboo, doesn't mean I'm just going to turn rabid Pit bull and become like a animal or less than human! So people can see me in some false light of how I'm suppose to be from some punk ass movie or something! They say drugs don't change you, I don't believe that, Drugs just bring out who you already were but had to many inhibitions to act on hiding beneath a social mask of deceit! You'll have to agree all I've ever been is a addict! Whether it was girlfriends, Sex, Junk food, Self Praise, Marijuana and now Crack Cocaine, I had to have it.<b> All that aside I always have been a good person. I want to have a good time and pleasurable experience. Though I just see the worst of people who are out here using every time as I try to indulge in this activity & substance.</b><br />
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With all this being said, I keep having flash backs of a unresolved last time I was out there getting high and things got slightly out of control. I allowed a lot of people to take advantage of me. It haunts me all the way until today. I was out of control I had a lot of money for a street junkie and it was like Christmas. Enough Money to Buy what ever amount of crack I wanted and get exactly where I wanted to be as far as that feeling of satisfaction inside that sometimes ends to soon. When you only have enough to get there but not enough money to take a second trip to the mountain top or the zenith, where you just want to feel that feeling and sensation one more time of reaching the Crack Cocaine's experience Apex!<br />
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As you pick your space between several attending Crack fiends, you've got everything necessary for your trip! The Dope Man has hit you off, you've paid your house fee to Smoke Crack on the premises now it's time to smoke. I have a abundance of money but I'm not in the mood to share or party with anyone! The last time I was here has left a bitter taste in my mouth. Everyone is there at least five people I know and have gotten high with on separate occasions, all making claims as to knowing me personally! I do know them all from getting high in the same neighborhood for over three years. Everyone one a separate Adventure & Story! Some experience's were good and some experiences bad but apparently now they all hope I have some sense of nostalgia from that last time we've all hung out individually. I pull out my Stem and my Chore boy as I start to put my pipe together. Some of the people become like parents nurturing a child offering to assist me in putting my Crack Pipe together. Apparently I don't know what I'm doing, the way I construct my pipe isn't efficient or insulated enough! I guess I waist too much Crack Vapor with my design & craftsmanship the way that I Smoke my Crack! It's such a pity I guess for them to see me waist so much Crack in this fashion as they sit watching Crackless, me not getting all the Crack for my buck! <br />
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<b>I put my thing down and I'm not sharing or taking any assistance because every offer of friendship or favor has a price tag of a free hit of Crack associated with it. I just want to laugh smoke my shit talk some shit until I've had my fill and go.</b> I load up a big hit on my pipe as they all sit leaning in on the edge of their seats watching me like starving animals watching a rotisserie smoked chicken wheel turning over a mesquite fire! Now I realize my dilemma, it's hard to enjoy yourself with everyone obviously staring at you like this.<b> I mean you'd have to be a complete sociopath for that shit not to bother you as you go on enjoying yourself with out noticing all these fiends staring at you like hungry wolves in a Looney Tunes Cartoon!</b> They all look so sad and you know just a little bit of these white flakes of crystallized cocaine will stop it all. Anyway I try to light my lighter and miss the first strike, without the skip of a beat people start sliding lighters across the tables, some even try to light my Crack for me. <b>As if this is "Casablanca" with them being Bogart, so I guess I'm Ingrid Bergman or someone! It's just all to much I feel like a Pop star barraged by his fans an I just want to be regular!</b><br />
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<b> So I hit the shit and it's good too, it temporarily debilitates me as I fall back on the couch stuck and trembling, I can feel everyone around me scrambling and getting alarm about emanate danger regarding my health!</b> They're screaming my name over and over again the sensation of euphoria is great and strong rush from my brain, down my spinal column and out throughout the nerve endings of my central nervous system! It feels magnificent, I got a real good hit too, I can feel the smoke getting deep into both my lungs and I can hear bells ringing inside my head as I blow out the Crack smoke! Its a hell of a high after holding in the smoke for such a long time and denying yourself precious oxygen! It's like the Choking Game but on Crack! As I reanimate springing forth with signs of life everyone is all laughing and joking about how they thought for a minute I was going to die. Frita is kind of scared though, she sees me hold my chest she thinks my heart is going into A-fib and maybe it is, so she offers me some aspirin and water, but I'm not afraid, I'm strong and I'm sure it will pass.<br />
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All of a sudden I'm receiving the Five Star Crack heads treatment! As I walk around the house trying to gather myself three of the girls in the room have approached me quietly offering their sexual services to me! I'm not interested as the other three men tell fantasies of how they would normally share their Crack when they were in position to. As Frita just fucking begins to looses it, she says, "Pipe that's fucked up you smoking all your shit up and ain't even offer me none!" The shit has drove her crazy after several years day after day after day of substance abuse. She's forgotten or maybe she thinks I've forgotten. I say, "Frita I gave you twenty dollar before I began getting high." She starts to dispute about the twenty dollars in question! Beginning to corner me as she yells at the top of her voice at the foot of the steps and I say with a exhale of disbelief & disappointment, I want to leave, please move out of my way! She places her hand on the banister as to gesture that I can't leave until I pay! A voice of empathy cries out from behind her in sympathy, It's Helen a older black woman, "Frita just let him go!" Unfortunately for herself and everyone in this room she's made a very bad decision. Because I'm not a punk nor am I afraid of anyone or anything!<br />
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<b> Now I've gone inside desensitized to everything and something has come over me and I will do what I have to do to survive! I try to rush my way past her to the door as she cocks back throwing a wild right that I easily walk underneath of as I spin around behind pushing her face first into the corner! As it all happens I'm just reacting, totally in the moment!</b> Some dark skin guy jumps up and takes a jab me with a pin Knife! Though it was all probably moving fast at that time to me I could see everything slowing down as he fumbled to get the 3' blade out of his pocket and opened! I should have struck him then in retrospect but I'm watching him just as intrigued to see what he's trying to do as he was trying to do it! As he makes this already seen lunge towards me everyone is screaming, "NO NO NO" as if this has all gone on too soon, too far and should be stopped! I guess by popular Crack House consensus this was all not worth some bloodshed! It's early too maybe like 5:30pm this could fuck up everyone day! Before they can all fret, I twist side ways letting this slow motion trust go right past my collar bone and chin! Then just like Mayweather on the return counter right hand punch from a shoulder role went straight down the middle of this dudes face like a 7/10 Split! He was out cold before he even hit the ground. Sprawled out hard against the hard wood floor. He made a hard thud as he hit the deck, while the pin knife makes a crackle drop sound like marbles being pored out on a counter top. I get a immediate adrenaline rush from the excitement that has all just replayed back through my mind and I realize I'm unscratched.<br />
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As I look around into every ones face they are all horrified as if a sleeping monster has been awakened. I always told them I didn't take any shit and if any situation was to arise I'd be able to protect myself! Now as they see it with their own eyes they all sit in suspended horror as to who will be my next victim that I lay my hands on! So I give them what they want to see! I raise my hands above my head and start to threaten everyone! Jumping bad screaming at everyone doing the flinch game as I walk back and forth and then over to my pipe and Crack still sitting on the table exactly where I left it. I Load up my stem one more time with the whole other half of my twenty while everyone watches me in silence. Lisa tries to get up speaking to herself "This shit is crazy I got to go!" I reach out in her direction with my lighter hand extended and my my eyes cut evilly & peripherally in her direction as I say so coldly DON'T FUCKING MOVE!!!! An she didn't, while I struck my lighter hit my Crack taking me a nice good hit on top of all this adrenaline now being accelerated by cocaine smoke! It's almost too much to ingest at once, I drool while wiping my chin, stumbling side to side as Helen mumbles under her breathe, "this shit don't make no damn sense" I look around as I come up from my high! Everyone is still on pin & needles while I look around! It's time to go Frita's sitting over top of the floored guy with everyone else sharing a look of false imprisonment! Picking up a roll of toilette paper from the coffee table I wrap up my hot uncool-ed Crack Pipe and make my way through a tight isle of legs & edge of a coffee table, making my way out of the Dead Silent Crack house living room!!!!The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-55018780580580136592012-04-29T16:11:00.000-07:002012-05-20T03:08:19.013-07:00"The Only Way To Fly"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I once met this girl out getting high over on Asquith st. & North ave., who would put as much Crack on her Pipe at one time as possible, well now as I think about it to be completely honest their was a prostitute that lived around my way, when I lived downtown, who would do the same thing I noticed first!</b> She use to like me or at least she had her eyes on me, I could see the attraction as she would sexually look at me in and out of on my way to my house everyday! It was obvious too, she would spit her game right in front of my girlfriends who would come to visit me! To a person not from the street it probably sounded like some Crackhead that's high gibberish talking shit! As a man and someone who has a ear for the street! All the attention was saying, <b>"I see your attraction and when ever your girl friend isn't around you can get it aka I will fuck you",even beyond all this prostitute shit, I will fuck you!</b> I thought nothing of it at that time I wasn't operating inside that dynamic of life, so to my conscious mind it really wasn't anything! She was a small joke between my girlfriends and I as I passed by everyday on the way to my life!<b> Little did I know like Santa, my subconscious mind was keeping a list of the game and the vice that was going on around me because soon after I took my first hit off the pipe! I already knew and had scoped out who was who and where all the best places to buy drugs were at in the Patterson Park Area!</b><br />
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<b>I don't know why but I always thought like this. I'd see things in a places operation methods. When I go into stores I see how it could operate more efficiently or how easy it would be to rob this place. My mind just works that way it always has!</b> I don't consider myself criminal minded, I just see logistics, I think that whole criminal minded thing is just a stereotype for labeling a person who's God given talent hasn't been properly mentored and developed. An their gifts wound up being squandered on some worthless bullshit! So anyway after a little while of getting high on my own and getting lucky scoring by myself one day my luck ran out! I had been living on the straight and narrow for so long my street credibility had ran out! I wasn't known enough or street enough to buy drugs for myself anymore! <b>My hood pass had be revoked, I had been away too long! Which to any sane healthy minded person trying to become a productive member of society should have been the last warning sign on the road to my own demise! The Bridge is out Ahead but that day and any day for along time afterwards, I just kept driving straight off of the end of the bridge! </b>Still not ready to except failure and the universe's message of a closed door to me being able to buy drugs for myself, I went and found me a emissary a messenger of my destruction! Someone who's Crack Amex was excepted all around this hood!<b> Who else but "Happy" the Crack head prostitute who has a crush on me!</b><br />
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<b>I pull up and I guess after a heavy volume day of tricking(prostitution) I was just another face to her! I thought she would notice who I was right away but as I pull up and started to try to get her in my car she wasn't making a connection and factor in a all day Crack binge along side the whole day of prostituting, maybe she didn't recognize me! So I say, "Happy it's me!" the guy from the Park!</b> It all lines up and she remembers,"Damn boy I didn't even recognize you!" I think to myself no shit and would you get in my car before the police comes or someone from the neighborhood notices me! She has no shame, I guess I should have taken this into account from her behavior, since I first moved around there and her involvement with the neighborhood's open air prostitution ring. <b>She's all loud and screaming "fuck these people I'm gonna sell my pussy and can't no one stop her!" I think to myself OK that's all good and all but for my sake would you just get the fuck in the car!</b> Then it resonates with her, "Oh you still have a image in the community that you need to maintain!<br />
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" So she jumps in the car and says, "so you finally in the mood for some black pussy huh!" I'm blown away by how straight forward and brash she is about my personal life and we get all into me explaining my current preference in women!<b> I try to explain that it was nothing personal against black women it just was the lane I was traveling and operating in at the time and though I could have went out of my way to meet black women I just didn't! </b>Then I think to myself, who the fuck are you to judge my blackness as a black woman! You are the only black prostitute working a all white girl hoe stroll, so technically your doing the same thing I'm doing! She smiles and admits she never really thought of it that way! <b>She says make a turn and park she knows a good place where we can park and be comfortable so she can take her time sucking my dick and make sure I enjoy myself! She explains that she is really good at doing what she does and she's been watching me and she'd always thought how much she'd enjoy herself if I ever took the time to see what she was all about!</b> She says she would almost be in mind to do me for free! That's only in good sentiment because I know how it feels to desperately want that Crack so even in a moment of wishful thinking it's still all about the money! I quickly change the pace, I don't want to get my dick sucked or to fuck you! Her face turns to a look of confusion mixed with discontent, like well what the fuck is going on then? I tell her the whole deal, I want some Crack but no one will deal to me! She immediately get loud animated and judging again, I can't believe this!<br />
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"<b>Oh shit you get high, not you Mr. goody goody, go to work why are y'all hoes & junkies bringing down the neighborhood!" I'm immediately heated inside and a little frustrated! "Like God Damn I'm getting tired of your shit I just want to get high and can you help me for a profit or do you want to keep on treating me like your my fucking high school guidance counselor!"</b> She tell me to be cool she can hook me up and she doesn't mean anything by it! It's just so surprising to her and that she never would have guessed that I got High Smoking Crack! <b>Deep inside with the cloud of shame now stuffing up the atmosphere inside the car, I'm thinking to myself maybe I don't belong out here doing this shit. An if I wasn't so desperate, caught up in the trance of trying to do some Crack I would notice all the signs the Universe is sending me this evening,"You Don't Need To Be Out Here Trying To Smoke Crack!!!"</b> She sees that she's about to blow the deal. I tell her that I want five twenties and that I give her twenty dollars for her trouble if she can get get the crack for me. She says shit that ain't even no problem with a sassy street type of tone and attitude! She's proud of her street prowess and she knows that her Hood Cred is good! She says it with confidence too, just so to let know me in case I didn't, who I'm in the company of!!!<br />
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<b> So we pull up on the block of Montford Ave. between Orleans st. and Jefferson st.! It doesn't even appear to be anything going on!</b> Though as soon as we pull up and Happy roles down her window making her presence known, the whole strip comes to life! It went from dead to buzzing, these guys are good almost thespians you'd have no idea until it starts moving that they are hustling! One guy looks in the car and checks me out, he doesn't know me a is hesitant to serve us. <b>Happy goes into this loud animated Crack Head routine a lot of hand gestures something straight off of a bad YouTube or World Star Hip Hop Montage of people behaving ghetto!!!</b> These guys don't like all of this wild attention and don't want to turn down 100 dollars either so they give her the five twenties and we get the fuck from around there! I'm just almost as upset and angry as the dealers were like happy WTF is your problem? I want to get high as much as the next person but is it Worth us all going to jail over this? <b>She goes on another rant about she's not afraid of jail and niggas like me a the dealers don't need to be in the game cause we ain't no real niggas! </b>Again the Universe is speaking to me but I'm not listening, I want to inhale and ingest those sweet Crack Cocaine vapors, feeling my heart beat and endorphins course through my vein, instantaneously, becoming sexually excited, awakening all my senses all at once! So we drive over to Fairmount ave. and Washington st. parking between some cars in the diagonal head first parking spaces right by that little recreation center park!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qRvDr4tC7jsuDD5Vh2iY-Drv-VuLHbabvQu7aylZ4ifk0-mU8B6Zh4x4wNekJBBUx422J0QQeVZV01PRsA1TrVfNN7jfa7xqsBIQLq46dm1ySFMImO1puXAYqnyeFBRVed4kFHhSf28/s1600/body+more.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qRvDr4tC7jsuDD5Vh2iY-Drv-VuLHbabvQu7aylZ4ifk0-mU8B6Zh4x4wNekJBBUx422J0QQeVZV01PRsA1TrVfNN7jfa7xqsBIQLq46dm1ySFMImO1puXAYqnyeFBRVed4kFHhSf28/s200/body+more.jpg" width="200" /></a> <b>It's quiet and comfortable there! It's a one way street with a good view of everything around you! It's one of my favorite places to smoke Crack inside or outside! I always feel at peace and have a good time when I smoke there! I'm romanticizing drug use but it's a shame I don't live down there anymore!</b> As I give Happy twenty dollars and twenty of Crack for herself, I start to slowly sprinkle a little of my twenty on the Crack pipe! Happy says loud in her arrogant Crack Rant fashion<b>,"You can tell y'all newbie Crack smokers portioning on bag on the pipe, just put the whole thing on there!</b> I only occasionally ran into others who smoke like this and I've come to like to smoke like this myself! When I do though, I even get crazy looks from some of the most seasoned Crack addicts like as to say"What in the fuck is wrong with this guy?" he really has a problem or I don't see how he does that shit like that! It seems as if it would blow your head off! <b>Frita calls it "slamming" a term usually associated with pushing all of the heroin at once into your arm out of the syringe all at once!</b> It doesn't quite encompass what I'm doing descriptively to me but it's close enough I suppose. An to all you Crack Smoking junkies who have seen this behavior before but have been scared to step off of this edge in that fashion, you should try it!<b> If your in active addiction and like your Crack! It's truly The Only Way To Fly!!!!</b> The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-13793706011122829052012-04-25T09:26:00.000-07:002012-05-20T03:45:55.867-07:00"The Storm Inside"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had got off of work in Owings Mills I'd been clean long enough to get this job and get my mind and spirit in sink, So I thought anyway! Over the last three days a urge or a itch has began to grow, I'm not ready for the pressure, my expectations aren't working out and I'm becoming disappointed. They say expectations lead to disappointment and disappointment to relapse and here we go! I had been waiting for this job, I had been unemployed from Nov. 2011 until Jan. 2012! Yes, I fucked up my last job right before Christmas, for myself, little bit of friends and family! I actually had a legitimate beef compounded with my drug abuse this time that led to me quitting my downtown job so close to Christmas! I could have and I should have stuck it out but in the moment I was put between a rock and a hard place. So I receive a e-mail in January to begin a new job in Owings Mills! It was all described and represented as good and one of the best companies in these days and times to be with in this world of food service! It probably is, when you factor in the extensive benefits package this restaurant conglomerate offers, but the work vs reward & energy you had to expend wasn't worth it to me at least! People say, "You just can't be quitting jobs back to back with no jobs lined up!" I say, "fuck U and mind your own business!" "Maybe if one of y'all Mutha Fuckas ever helped me to get a decent job instead of always kicking me while I'm down maybe I'd feel a personal obligation to hold on to a job longer!" I'm trying to figure out this recovery process and I thought I was ready for a job, having the emotional endurance to make it this time but apparently I didn't and it does hurt. So believe me some asshole who's suppose to be family restating the obvious does not help! It just compounds the pain, disappoint and self pity your already slow roasting your feeling and self esteem to!<br />
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So I got off of work and in the back of my mind I guess I was done with the place I was working at! The money wasn't right and the management was in denial about how things were working out. They were in position where they could afford to be, they had so many new hires we were all expendable and they were still hiring! They must could smell that we smelled, it was all bullshit! So this particular night I got slammed just triple sat and four sat all night long, as then soon as the dinner rush died, I was cut(sent home) immediately! Gotta keep that pay roll down, after the tip out I walked with sixty dollars! I was burning inside with a long subway ride downtown to stew on it!<br />
I take the subway downtown and this is where it always gets complicated. The familiar surrounding of downtown where you made many bad decisions so many different nights before! Your their again and it's like a crossroads,will this be another stint of abuse or another step closer in a direction of turning your life around! You think of how the $60 could be the beginning of your own personal rags to riches story or just three nice twenties on the Crack Pipe!<br />
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Darkness casts a large shadow of doubt and surrender inside of you but theirs a little crack of light beginning to illuminate optimistic potential for you to resist temptation one night longer! So the anxiety and pressure to use Crack that was wrap around you like a Boa Constrictor loosens its grip for a moment! A little more time goes buy as you wait for your bus to come to go home! Working people, Junkies and Homeless surround you as you wait out front the Baltimore Arena! Take it one moment at a time, you may make it on this bus and get one more day of sobriety under your belt! Though not only are you not in the moment, but your on a corner inside your own head & mind watching your own personal IMAX theatre of your recent past, present and future failures with drug abuse! The nights before smoking Crack and your high tab of all the money you've blown night after night it has all compounded so fast! The movie being shown is a alternate present of where you could be if you could have just maintained the strength to hold yourself together so many times before! An everything you had or opportunity you've thrown away over the last months from making bad choices in moments just like this. Not knowing another opportunity that would bring it all together for you, was right around the corner! <br />
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Now I'm in front of the Baltimore Arena with $60 dollars and I can't live with myself! God even tries to reach out to me, in the form of a person I don't even know who strikes up a friendly conversation out of nowhere! I indulge in it for a little while, the small talk takes me away for a little while! We talk about how Wild Baltimore has become and how fun, nice and polite the people of Baltimore use to be! We use to be known as "Charm City", now violent children and adults are murdering and attacking its residents and visitors, they affectionately have retitled Baltimore as "Harm City"! It's beginning to stick too! We are so far from charming these days, Monique a Academy Award Winning Actress as well as a Baltimore City Native should bring her show "VH1's Charm School" back to her home town! As I began to feel a little better and begin to develop a positive outlook on the rest of my night and probable future! Just then my bus turns the corner left onto Baltimore St. and I cut my conversation with my angel short! "Nice talking to you I'm going to get on this bus!" Sad to say, this bus that turned the corner first gets me back to my neighborhood but passes a familiar Crack strip on the way. So I say my take cares and nice talking with you's, I'm getting on it! Like I said it gets me close to my house about a 5 block walk from where it lets me off! I could wait a little longer for the Bus that lets me off in front of my street, but I don't want to wait for my bus anymore! It's taking to long, I'm feeling good, I know I can have the will power to not get off of the bus at the Crack Strip! I'll be able hold on to this $60 tonight and maybe even treat myself to some carryout when I make it home...... The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-20864700249337760342012-04-24T09:20:00.000-07:002012-05-20T10:55:20.736-07:00"One More Try"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Since I've began this blog twenty six days ago, I've been clean from all drugs and alcohol 33 days total! I know that doesn't sound like much but to some addicts that would be a hell of a Milestone!</b> I remember watching shows like Maury Povich and seeing Meth Addicts tell these dramatic stories of recovery from Crystal Meth Amphetamines and in the same breath admit they have thirty days or less clean time!<b> I would think to myself get the fuck out of here! </b>As I would laugh and make light of their small to me, but very large accomplishment to them!<br />
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<b>I felt as though the studio audience was give the person to much credit to soon!</b> Sometimes I felt like the sympathy involved perception bias, Maury's using young White Female addicts for these television recovery episodes vs a Black female addict, as this(white addict) would probably get a better sympathetic or empathetic response!<b> I guess or my opinion was most American have a soft spot for the image of the young white female addict, but if you did the same show with young black females addicts would they receive the same empathy and understanding! I see it as the shows producers opinion that the black female or any male addict wouldn't garner the same sympathy from the studio or television audience.</b> Even when both subject groups tell they're story of how they began to use drugs, the White female addict comes before the studio audience and can tell a tale of how they just didn't know any better and became hooked on their drug of choice! The studio audience immediately gives up their sympathy with gasps of breath, cries of sorrow, disbelief of how sad this all is and the sympathy of what this poor child must have gone through!<br />
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<b>Then on the other hand with the black female addict the story has to be five times worse to receive the same sort of sympathy or billing for the audience to put themselves in this persons shoes!</b> The black female addicts story has to horrible just to get some necessary and needed attention! It usually starts like, My Momma and Farther was on crack, my brother went to jail, my sister and I were in separate foster homes inside the same Project housing, then I was molested by my foster parents and became pregnant and then that's when I began to use Crack Cocaine!<b> It appears to me it's a bias in perception between how people view white & black drug use! I think this is due to stereotypes people assume that the black addict should naturally know better!</b> No matter how bad it gets you should culturally know better than to use drugs! As if some of our children and people aren't just as naive or prone to be taking advantage of by a more seasoned drug addicts as their white addict counter parts.<br />
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<b>Now I'm not attacking whites in this post! I don't blame you, my people exercise the same bias from the same stereotypes!</b> We fight like hell to keep our children out of the street and away from the drugs and crime of our community! A lot of our children are sheltered from the bad in their own neighborhoods and when come face to face with drug use and drug dealing experiences are naive and susceptible to get caught up in these life styles.<br />
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Everyone hears the story of the good kid, how did they ever become involved in drugs? Its a attraction factor, always seeing the other side and alternative life style and being shielded and ushered away from these drug influences but not being educated as to why you need to stay away from this lifestyle and the pitfalls associated with it! <b>So when our people become involved in drug they feel ashamed to come forward letting people know that they have a problem.</b> Or when they finally do come out with the full extent of their involvement with drug use, they've been involved so long now it is a full blown addiction and a arduous and lengthier recovery process! Having lived in denial from the public as well as the scrutiny, indifference and public ridicule of their own black community!<b> That by the time they come for some help it's a much longer and twisted road to recovery many times leading to a painful road of recovery and relapse that can sometimes be more painful than their actual addiction!</b><br />
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Just look at these cases in point, Whitney Houston, Martin Lawrence, Vesta Williams & Maia Campbell! All of these black stars were obviously addicted to crack cocaine but would not admit it, do to the taboo associated with crack use in the black community as well as the television and film representation of black people as being from the streets, or at least one to two degrees of separation from the streets!<b> Making our people are scared to come forward for help, and now not only are we finding our neighbors on the streets, but in some cases or biggest and greatest stars on the street as well!</b><br />
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Black people it's time to stop turning our backs and blind eyes to our people! Removing the astigmatism from Crack Cocaine use as well as Aids and give our lost and disbanded family members a visual and supportive path home back into our communities and Recovery! <b>Not just the shame, looks of judgement and disapproval of a lifestyle they are actively making steps away from! That without our support may make it easier for then to turn back to Crack Cocaine Relapse versus Recovery! But Y'all don't hear me though!!!!!</b> The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-55007179859442359282012-04-23T10:23:00.000-07:002012-05-20T12:00:09.051-07:00"Crisis"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As I was beginning to write this post I was hearing a banging and ruckus going on outside of my apartment! The loud pounding sounds as if it's coming from the apartment above me! Three times over and over again with a constant banging, knocking & pounding! There is a single mother who lives above me with three small children, it gets noisy all the time! As the saying goes enough to drive a man to drink! In my case, to use my drugs of choice. No one especially the single parent mom or the rental office doesn't want to admit it but she's in over her head! I respect her for holding it down, strong black woman and all, but it isn't fair to to the rest of us neighbors who live beneath her on the second floor! The apartment where I live doesn't have concrete walls or ceilings, so I can hear everything that goes on above my apartment and she lets them play inside the house with no real bed time! It starts early too, like 7am & ends late like 2am! Now it's 9:30 in the morning and it sounds like the ghetto is starting early! Actually it is, but only if I really had a clue as to what was about to take place!<br />
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As I was trying to focus in on this post I get a knock at my bedroom door, my family member tells me the apartment across the hall is being raided by the police!!! I ask, "Are they sure?" They say, Yes, they opened the door and the police told them go back inside, they were there for the apartment across the hall! I immediately got angry(a stewing, steaming, frustration inside) because I think to myself, if you see the apartment across the hall is being raided, then why in the fuck would you open our door!!! It could have been a mistaken door by the police for all we know! The neighbors apartment could have been the wrong door and the raid was actually intended for us! You hear stories all the time of how the police miscount doors and windows and raid the wrong house or apartment! I'm not using drugs in my place, but who wants to be put face down on the floor at 9am over a tip or nothing at all, Not me!!!<br />
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This kind of brings back unresolved feelings from the past concerning me and my family member. This same person aided the police in making a arrest on me evolving the same kind of scenario as this morning! It didn't amount into anything but at the time the police didn't have any justified reason to arrest me! Just word of mouth from someone who I partied with who didn't want to take a criminal charge by themselves! They needed some company at trial, some people can't stand alone in a court of law! So I guess the police felt if they would shake hard enough I'd roll over on myself! I stayed quiet though, and after a 24hr detainment and questioning I was released on my own recognizance! I still had to get together money for representation and live with the stress that I could possibly be convicted at trial because of my prior record, but over all I was pissed off! The person I was living with let the Police in the house of their own permission! Even as I write this I'm slightly aggravated still! Now this morning their is a full fledged raid going on across the hall and this person tells me they opened the door to see whats going on! They said they thought that the banging was at our door! All the same, even if it was the case, why would you get up out of your bed and open the door, for anything out of the ordinary? That's what the peep holes are for, to look outside before opening your door! I guess what I'm truly afraid of is how this person makes me feel. They upset me and I can't handle it at certain times! Though I'm not actively using drugs, maybe a inpatient center would be better for my on going recovery? There have been small warning signs like this in the past that I didn't heed! That lead to detriment in my recovery process. <br />
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Go to school, go to work, do this little blog that's becoming slightly popular these days, but instead of at least a "good for you", "that a boy" or "way to turn around a negative into a positive", it's only every possible critique and probable wrong that could come from me blogging about my experiences while I was addicted to Crack Cocaine!<br />
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I guess my Drug Rehabilitation Counselor Ms. Lavinia was right, I have to celebrate and validate my own milestones in the recovery process, because you may want help or support but some people,even family can't give you, what they don't have in their human resources to give you! Listening to people patronize you about not getting into trouble with drugs at cliche moments in time, but never are they tuned in or on alert to my crisis moments of being in jeopardy when I am truly on the edge of relapse! This sucks and I feel so alone sometimes! They say in Recovery to take it one day at a time and if that's to much, then to take it one moment at a time! It seems today is going to be one of those days or moments! Pray for me, I'm going to try to get some homework done in the mean time......The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-49910587753155319112012-04-20T15:57:00.001-07:002012-07-04T14:58:23.187-07:00"Lucky Unlucky me"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was hanging out with my homeboy Kay before I began using hard drugs! Kay was my man with everything & anything else! Ecstasy, Marijuana, Percocet, Zanni's, Oxy's, what ever you wanted Kay could get it! Kay had been trying to get in touch with me since he got out of rehab in Missouri but I wasn't trying to play ball! I wouldn't take or return his calls! I had my own life going on and for some reason I just didn't want to get involved with Kay! This attitude I had towards Kay was kind of peculiar because, if you asked anyone Kay was my man, I loved this dude, he was my best friend in a long time! For some reason I just didn't want anything to do with this dude at this time! As I'm contemplating all of this I pull up on Highland ave. & Baltimore st.!<br />
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The strip was really buzzing that Night out front the liqueur store on the corner! A lot of cars were pulling up and girls were jumping out with money in hand, walking super fast up to the dealers getting served and racing back to their cars taking off! It's was like a Crack express lane! I guess the liqueur store traffic masks the drugs traffic! I don't know where the Police are tonight, it would occur to me just to post up right here in front of the liqueur store but I guess then the dealers would find somewhere else to post up and sell their Crack! Who knows, just like everywhere else in Baltimore the Police are getting tired. Maybe it's an investigation going on, let them rock(sell) their Crack wide open(like it's legal), then come in and snatch every dealer and user with a solid case! That's the only thing I can Imagine because if this is not the case the Police are giving the dealers in this area free reign to sell drugs! This is only rumor but I've heard from a lot of the girl around their who Trick(prostitute),say that they know most of the police and provide sexual favors for some of the officers and in gratitude afterwards, a lot of the officers get talkative giving out information on police drug operations and stings! Which is then passed on to the dealers, from the working girls and the drug trade goes on!!!<br />
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I'm out on the strip now looking for someone I know who'll serve me, I don't see anyone and no one wants to take a chance on serving me! I'm in the car, out of the car, cruising around the block Baltimore st. to Conkling st. to Lombard st. and back around Highland ave.!!! I'm becoming frustrated! I have a pocket full of money but I'm being treated like a drug social leper! It's making me angry because I'm not hot or the Police but everyone is treating me that way and I know they got the drugs, I've just watched them serve like ten fiends right in front of me! So I get out the car one more time and as I'm getting out the car I see my girl Kelly, she's on her way to cop! She focus solely on her task walking right by me! I flag her down, telling her what's up, that I can't get anyone to serve me! She's laughing at me!!! "It's cause you a rookie, Y'all new Crack Smokers" "Don't worry though I got you baby, What you want? dimes or twenties and how many? I give here a hundred. She says they'll throw in four extra and could she have them? I'm like cool and I go and wait in my car until she returns. I watched her from the car she's cute but we've always kept it strictly business!<br />
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Theirs a guy waiting for her in a F150 and he's looking at me like who and the fuck I am! So Kelly comes out of the alley going left and the dealer is shortly behind her breaking right! The dealer looks suspicious fixing and arranging his pockets as he comes out of the alley! She goes past the guy she's with in the truck telling him to WAIT, real loud and animated!!! I'm hoping this doesn't break out into something too heated that could get us all arrested!!! She jumps in my car and says OK nine for you and one for my trouble!!! I don't even get into the extra she talked about. One outta ten is the least I could do for her making the buy for me! She's making small talk now! So what you been up to and do I still live up on Montford? I tell her no. She smiles saying, "you and the girlfriend fell out?" She says, "well if you need some where to chill and smoke your Crack, call me!" I'm going to take care of this guy I'm with, then I'm going up my house! Make sure you call me we'll have a good time, seriously call me in like a half, OK! I smile and say, yes I will, she hugs me and I'm on my way! She's cute as shit as she runs and climbs up in that big truck smiling back at me!!! It's funny I've seen her a million times out on these streets but she never let me know she had her eyes on me! Sometimes I've even thought she was a bitch, always with a funky attitude! I guess since I've moved she's missed me or missed seeing me around the Crack Houses!<br />
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A half hour later I've jumped on I-895 to I-97, I'm out Millerville on Quarterfield rd. My man Kay is out their staying with his sister. She's tired of him and in need a break! He brought her over here from Bahrain, it started out good but he's gone of the deep in and her loyalty to family is wearing then in the face of his heroin abuse! She doesn't know I'm gone too, If she did I'm not sure she would have turned her brother over so easy but I use to be someone you would have trusted your kids or your own personal safety with, let alone your brother! So I tell her we're cool and she gets a couple of hours peace to herself. She gives me a hug and me and Kay are out the door!<br />
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On my way out, I call Kelly telling her I'm on my way and she tells me she's got some girl friends up on Faimont & Patterson!!! She asks me to grab something to drink, Newport's a couple of stems and some fresh chore boy!!! I tell her my man is with me and could she get some Dope(heroin) for him? She says cool just hurry up cause they really could use that drink & them cigarettes, sounding really up for a good time, I hear the girls having a good time in the background too!!! I'm exited and imagining the possibilities of what the night has in store! We get to the door and I knock, Kelly lets us in, hugging us both, welcoming us in! We walk to the back of the hall, their room is three door down the hallway! They have a one room apartment in the back! As we come in I see we have hit the jack pot I see all girls in their mid to late twenties! All small girls sexy and tight! Two brunettes and a red head, good times! Everybody has there own drugs too and are getting down to business! That's the best thing fucking with chicks down here all the tricks like white girls so they always have their own money!!! You can actually chill out and have a good time! I ask for Kay, who has some Dope? All them bitches got dope(heroin)! They speed balling sniffing dope and smoking coke!!! The girls are on Kay's dick! All over him, they say he looks like Collin Ferrel and they're showing him a lot of attention! So we good, Kelly is happy to see me and the other girls are basically fighting over Kay!!!<br />
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So Kay pulls out his tools and the girls are surprised he shoots up! They cool though and they are treating him like a King! One girl cooks the dope up for him, another ties him up and then the other girl shoots him up! He's getting a full service treatment! I watch the blood and heroin mix in the syringe as they pump it into his veins! They take out the needle and loosen the belt! It hits him, he begin to sweat a little and looks smacked it's good! The girls are all amused with his satisfaction! They are all laughing and high fiveing satisfied by how good the dope is and the effect its having over Kay! While Kay is being broken over by the waves of the heroin the girls are high and tipsy from the Red berry and Pear Ciroc Vodka I brought along. Now they are all trying to take advantage of Kay!!! My man is right in the mix of where most men would fight to be!!! I think he's kind of not with it, but three cute girls, the heroins good, he doesn't stand a chance! Now they have got his pants and underwear around his ankles and all three of them and sharing his dick and balls like a dessert from "Rita's" as they all take turns sneaking lustful peaks at me and Kelly on the bed together!!! I am about the walk over a join in but Kelly pulls me back onto the bed with her and sticks her hand into my pants, playing with my dick! My balls and groin clinches up like I'm about to premature ejaculate and a hot waves rush over my face!!! Kelly starts to laugh and calls for the attention of the other girls they like, "look y'all he's blushing!" They all find this to be the funniest shit ever a black man light enough to blush!!! Nah nah, Kay, your no longer the cutest shit in the room!!!<br />
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I guess the girls like their men in variety because now the girls are alternating between Me, Kay & Kelly!!! While Kelly is sucking my dick one of the other girls sits besides me and begins to massage my stomach and balls while Kelly is sucking my dick faster and faster as I tense up and cum over them both!!! Oh my God it feels so good, My dick is exploding pumping like a oil rig that just struck black gold! An they are both fighting for it!!! Licking, kissing and fighting all over it, back and forth up and down!!! I look over now and both of the girls with Kay are completely naked and there taking turns riding, fucking the shit out of him like hes quarter operated department store hobby horse! The dope has got his dick hard(They call this a doped dick) and these girls are taking full advantage of it like he's automated dildo! They're loving it as I'm watching them climb on and off of his dicks taking turns like a round robin game! Kelly ask me do I want to get in? I'm like, "yeah" but I just came! One girl yells out, "Sniff some dope!" I'm like I don't really like dope and I don't shoot up! She puts some heroin on a match book and I sniff it all back! I get immediately nauseous! They see it too," Girl hurry up, Girl hurry up, get the bucket he's gonna throw up!!!) I throw up too and I'm instantly high as shit! They're laughing now fiveing to each other! "Look at him girl, he's high as shit,this shit is the bomb, I told y'all, they care both fucked up!!!" They cleaned me up with Wet Wipes and Scope! Now we're all on the bed me Kay and the Four girl! Dicks hard as shit and in another world from the effects of the heroin! Everything is hazy like a movie flash back scene!!! Its just a haze of flashes of asses, pussies, titties, gasps screams and smiles as we fuck them all hard and vigorously!!! Making them all cum over and over and over!!! Until we put all of these Ho's to sleep. Soon after I pass out and go to sleep...<br />
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Kay wakes me up shortly after I dose off. It's day light he's whispering, "what the fuck are you whispering for?" I wake up all the girls! Everyone a little pissed I guess they wanted to sleep in! Kay says the police are out side! We all think he's paranoid! We look outside, Oh shit its our worse Nightmare, the whole police force are fucking out there! I'm getting dressed but my heart is slowly sinking! I'm thinking it's over for me! I'm probably going to spend the next seventeen years of my life in prison! They say life is full of bitter and sweets! Last night was a full of sweets so I'm dreading the possibilities of how bitter it's about to get for us! All the best memories of last night are flashing through my head, we had a amazing time last night four sweet asses and pussies in the air glistening with perspiration, game for some good dick and gave it up to us fully and uninhibited! Now is all about to end so badly!<br />
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The Police hit each door one by one as the girls scurry to clean everything we had remaining from last night! The Police hit the door and we open up! One girl says, "Girl why you open the door?" I think to myself,"Yeah girl why you open the door?" They ask for all of our ID's they check them all none of us have warrants as the checks come back! One the cops finds a mirror with some crack and heroin remaining on it. They call in the Operations Commander! We all wait impatiently for the fate we know that soon to befall us all. The Commander comes in with a look of a disapproving Grandfather. He begins to lectures us all Individually and together! Our ID's say, none of us actually lived around there in that neighborhood! He sweeps the mirror off onto the floor and tell us their only there for warrants, and to get our things and get out! It's our lucky day!!! As we walk away down the narrow hallway free the other fugitives who haven't been so lucky are calling us all snitches and to never come around there again! One girl starts fussing with them about she ain't no snitch! Kelly puts her arms around her like,"Fuck them girl lets get the fuck away from here while we still can!!! We all leave in separate directions, Kelly looks back and mouths "Call me"! I muster what smile I can and nod my head yes. I don't want to appear too happy until I'm completely in the clear.<br />
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Now I'm in the car taking Kay home I think to myself, God is sending me a message,"Everyday from now I'm living at the mercy of his time"!!! With a straight face, Kay asks me, do I want to go somewhere else to get some more drugs! He says it's a morning shop that's just opening over at the West Side Shopping Center!!! I just shake my head holding back my furry & frustration!!! I can barely muster it out but I say "Yo I'm taking you home!!!" He's still like alright yo, I just was saying, you can just drop me off I'll make my own way home!!! I'm still like, "YO, I'm taking you home"..... <br />
<br />The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-62672607313326177492012-04-19T05:07:00.000-07:002012-05-23T11:01:04.002-07:00"Baltimore's Blind Side"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over on Kennedy ave. and 22nd. st. also over on 22nd & Robb st. right behind North ave., right across from the "Marches Funeral Home"use to be a big stomping ground for me at one time! I spent a lot of time around there buying, using drugs, trying not to get burned by junkies, shot by dealers who thought I was undercover and not getting locked up by actual under covers Police! If you get a chance you should contact your local Police department about going for a civilian ride along sometime and see it for yourself! It's a lot of vacant homes abandoned blocks! Road blocked streets to deter drug traffic and the smell busted septic pipes! Some days you can smell the shit literally for blocks! This is another community that my City has turn it's back on! Baltimore is ruff but I'm sure you've probably already heard that with the popularity of shows and series like "The Wire" & "The Corner"! An now its me doing The Relapse Diary!<br />
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The issue that I have is the masking job that Baltimore City is doing! They have its poor and undesirables bottled up in these horrible neighborhoods away from the public's eye sight! In Baltimore we have strategically set up all of our tourist travel systems that allows our visitors to circumvent all of the so called sketchy neighborhoods! These ignored neighborhoods are were a lot of the native inhabitants are living and where a lot of resentment and indifference toward tourist and outsiders comes from! Image if someone hid your need for help & assistance behind the skyline of downtown and the Inner harbor! Outlined by I- 83 expressway, the Baltimore light Rail system and ridden underneath of by the Baltimore Subway system! I hear people say all the time, "don't go beyond Penn Station, don't get off at the Mondalmin or the Penn North stops, it's bad there or whats that big building by I-83 that looks like a Castle(Baltimore Penitentiary)???" Some of these communities remind me of the movie "Death Wish 3" where this gang had a whole neighborhood held captive and no one was willing to do anything about it, except for a loan vigilantly played by Charles Bronson !<br />
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This current Baltimore issue that has gone viral on popular websites like Youtube & WorldStarHipHop showing the video of the Tourist being beaten in Downtown Baltimore and stripped of his clothes! It's garnered a lot of attention Nation wide towards Baltimore's crime, adding to this current popularity of videoed flash mobbed group fights and attacks of senseless violence! Some people have their opinions on what factors attributes to this behavior. I thought to myself, Thank God we haven't had our own Trayvon Martin incident here yet, because Baltimore is Primed for it! The Baltimore City officials need to take a initiative and begin to reach out, setting up dialogue with these alienated groups, invest back in its actual communities, not just window dress the cities tourist attractions and more frequented areas! People of different social groups and backgrounds need to know who each other are! Having a understanding of what brings them to Baltimore and what connection they all have with our city! Stereotypes, Indifference, racial profiling and treats of stiffer Criminal penalties for these incidents are not working!<br />
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Some of the people from these abandoned, deteriorating and eroding neighborhoods of Baltimore city are attracted by the lights and entertainment of Dowtown, Towson and Huntvalley, and will come out of their communities to the downtown ares to see what it's all about! Baltimore City and it's developers have turn there back on them! There is no entertainment or recreation in these neighborhoods! These Neighborhoods have become strong holds for drug dealers, drug users, murderers and slum lords! It's wrong and unfortunate that a lot of the innocent become victims of collateral damage of this unaddressed social problem! The destitute will wonder in search of new hunting grounds when they've exhausted the resources of their own territories! They see the big cars, designer bags, expensive jewelry,World Advertised, Popular, famous branded Stores, Businesses, Restaurants & Merchandise, with a lot of our cities visitors being in excess of material wealth as well as being intoxicated and incoherent as they walk the streets! I've festive events in different cities & towns, Key West & Mardi Gras, passed out in different places and have waken up in my hotel room! I'm sorry but Baltimore isn't the place for that kind of reckless good time!!! Certain places you just can't wonder too far and Baltimore is one of them!<br />
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We need to stop ignoring the native Baltimore neighborhoods needs and reinvest in our actual communities! Attract industry to our city to create jobs for non professionals! Set up a prison outreach program to help ex-convicts & ex=offenders find DECENT EMPLOYMENT! The only place I see help for People in bad situations is on Reality shows these days and this shouldn't be the reality many Baltimore Native have to face! The only home grown career and Industry Should not be Corrections(look it up "smallest States with the most Prisons" Sometime)! I mean if Corrections is your thing that's cool, but I just don't want to babysit the problem, I want to address and fix the problem!!!! The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-82556152533871532022012-04-18T13:07:00.001-07:002012-06-17T22:15:12.534-07:00"The BodyGuard" Prison Riot!!!"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I remember when I was 18 I was locked up at the Patuxent Correctional Institution, this was like 1995. I had previously been housed at the Hagerstown Correctional Institution! An a Horrible rumor surfaced about a recently deceased and World Famous Recording Superstar that almost erupted a prison into violence and ruined Movie Night!!! Hagerstown(the new jail) was opened in the nineteen seventies to let you Know just how new this prison was!</b> I have heard about other prisons in Maryland too being worse, for y'all know it all's, well I've been to them too but in 1994 thru 1995 this place was a fucking gladiators academy! It was full of a bunch of wild fucking animals population and staff! In the short time I was there, I saw so many people stabbed and beating with blunt objects it wasn't funny! When I first got there I was told to stay to myself, not to join any gangs and get out as soon as possible! After I saw a 15 year old stabbed to death over something so not worth the price of his life my priorities quickly changed! I became more concerned with just coming home alive and unscarred versus coming home as soon as possible!<br />
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<b> I remember once I took a chance on missing my cell door at lock in time for a bowl of cookies! I was hungry and a young man, things like cookies still had a lot of value in my hierarchy of needs! </b> It was like eleven pm. dinner had been about five hour ago! My friend Mike told me to come to his cell and he'd give me some<b> lemon creme cookies!</b> He slept like 25 doors across the tier from me! As I'm waiting by the door he tells me that the correctional officers were about to shut the door and to go and wait by my door and he would throw the cookie to me! As I'm making the twenty five door run the electronic doors began to close! <b>Everyone was yelling, "Hurry up shorty before you get locked out, They will throw you in the whole!"</b> So I'm racing toward my cell door not to be locked out because I didn't want to be subjected to disciplinary action and solitary confinement for missing a door at lock in time!<b> I hear Mike's voice,"little P, heads up!" High in the air like a rocket from Manning to Harrison, I see the bowl of cookie flying in the air toward me! I'm reading the cookies like a wide receiver as Watch the daylight of the electronic door eclipsing like the sunset!</b> Right as I make the catch over my shoulder in just enough time to have enough room to slide through the door and roll on the floor in my cell! <b>The whole tier goes crazy, like I made the Super Bowl Winning Catch! The jail was in short supply of entertainment I guess!</b> They loved that shit and the jail erupted in a cheer!!! I was 18 yrs old, impressed with myself and smiling from excitement with a bowl of lemon cookies to soothe my nightly sweet tooth!<br />
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As I sit on my bunk talking to my cellmate! <b>Our door pops open, it's the prison officers, they walk in!!! My cellmate jumps down from the top bunk and I stand in alert! The officer tell us to be at ease, they just want to talk!</b> They tell me they know I'm new and that their are a lot of other White Older Officer who work there, who would give me a beating for a stunt like that and to <b>let this serve me as a warning from some of the officer who work their that were a little more sensitive to race!</b> A week later I was approached by a Black Female prison psychologist! She expressed to me that she new about the violence and Racism of the Hagerstown Institution. She asked me would I like a chance to get of jail early by participate in a youth offender behavioral experiment! <b>Two weeks later I'm shackled from head to toe, on the back of a bus, life as a shorty shouldn't be so ruff!!!</b><br />
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<b>So I'm at the patuxent facility and the jail is trying to find space for it new teen offender section! So they have us temporarily housed with the parole violators!</b> The system had become so over crowded and the streets were so hot the Classification Center of Maryland known as D.O.C. couldn't keep up with the inmate intake and classification process! I was cool though, because it was definitely a lot more relaxed than Hagertown! <b>Where Hagerstown was a Chopping Mall, this play was sweet, they called it Wide Open meaning you could do or have access to anything you could have on the street! Money, pussy, drugs and alcohol! Plus they had some fine ass women officers that were nice and sympathetic to our plight as young men behind bars!!! A lot of us still looked like kids you'd see on the street! Middle school, High school hustlers and Killers!</b> An a lot of the parole violator being fresh off the streets were shocked to see over hundreds kids 14 to 21 years of age all charged with violent and heinous crimes! <b>They never harassed or tried to take advantage of us, I guess they figured we had enough trouble on our plates to deal with as is! Maybe we reminded them of their families, nephews, kids or little brothers! Maybe they just wanted to get back on the street as soon as possible and a jail infraction with some wild kids could screw all of that up for them!</b><br />
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<b>So I met this old cat name LA., I'd seen LA. out the county jail before back in 1993 when I was first charged with what I was currently locked up for! I went home for six months until I was found guilty! I guess LA. wasn't as fortunate! He was a tough built guy but he had a heart of gold! Could have been a Monster but had a real good heart and a since of honor! He kind of reminded me of Tyson in a way! Mike Tyson not Tyson Beckford! </b>So one day the Movie of the Week was<b> "The Body Guard" Starring Whitney Houston!!! </b> It had just come out on video too and one the Prison Guards brought it into the jail for us to watch for Tuesdays Movie Night! <b>Everyone was exited, it was movie night and Whitney Houston was Big Shit back then!</b> She was at the Top of her game and the undisputed the Best Singer Out at that Time! Whitney had the hottest movie and album out when it came out in 1992! Now were in jail their aren't a lot of perks so to get a chance to enjoy something that current is a big deal! If I was still up in the Mountains of Hagerstown, I wouldn't be watching no damn"<b> "The BodyGuard"</b> <b> So for a couple of hours Whitney took us all away from our problem and back to a time when we were free! We call it going uptown in jail, traveling in your mind transcending out of your physical surroundings! Everyone was on the edge of their seats and quiet hanging on to Whitney's every appearance, expression, words and notes!</b><br />
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<b>Everyone except LA., He made it very vocal as to how much he didn't like Whitney Houston and how to him, she wasn't shit but a fake as Pipe Smoking Bitch!</b> Now remember this is before the Diane Sawyer interview! Like a solid 4yr years before the whole rumors of the Crack use allegations began to surface! But right now in 1995 it's guy saying when he was on the run, like between 1989/1990! <b>He spent time with Whitney Houston and she was one of his biggest customers!</b> This shit immediately caused a fucking tier up rising!<b> Niggas was MAD</b>,<b> I fucks with(really like) Whitney Houston but these Mutha Fuckas took it personal!</b> L.A went on to say that Whitney and her Entourage would call from the studio where I guess they were working on <b>"The BodyGuard Album"</b> and tell him to get the Crack ready because they were coming to party! He said this went on to become a every night thing and they would stay at his Crack house Smoking Coke until the Sun came up! He said, Whitney was a straight fiend like she was the worst one when it came to smoking that shit out of the whole bunch! <b>He wouldn't back down on this either!!!Even in the face of being increasingly out numbered by a surprising amount of Prison population Whitney Houston fans with knives!!! He was not intimidated and was sticking to his story! As he brandished his own Knife made of a 10 inch nail with a torn pillow case rapped around the end, as a make shift handle!</b> It was on the verge of starting a full fledged riot! The riot squad had to be called! Eventually storming our tier and forcing us into our cells for the night !!! Imagine their bewilderment when they found out all of this began because someone said Whitney Houston Smoked Crack! Which at this time was unheard of!!! <b>They had to turn off the movie and they made us lock in for the rest of the night, no showers, no phone calls, no visits, it was still early too like 8:30!!! We were pissed with LA.!!! </b> LA. I guess he had a issue with people who put stars on a pedestal! In a whole other stratosphere beyond the range of average humans!!! Stars are up in the sky is what he would say! In his own words, she was just not a mere mortal but, A Pipe Smoking Bitch!!!<b> Damn LA. What did Whitney Houston do or Say to you back at the Crack House????</b><br />
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<b>So you can imagine my surprise four years later when Whitney came out on TV to clear the air of the rumors of her alleged Crack use! She said,"Crack is Wack!!!" I was telling everyone I knew about the story of the "The Body Guard" Prison Riot and why it happened!</b> Everyone was on the fence like why are people trying to put that bad bone out on Whitney! Before this had came to pass I had knowledge of a source confirming this that culminated with a ensuing Prison Riot! All because of this same rumor! <b>An well we know how this story ended, May She Rest in Peace but just to let you know before Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight and Inside addition!!! L.A. already had the Word on the Street or as I like to call it "The Pipe Talk!!!!"</b> <br />
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</div>The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-50339663121385714852012-04-17T05:55:00.002-07:002012-05-23T11:18:21.126-07:00"The White Knuckler"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I was working Downtown from like Sept. to Dec. last year. It was at one of the popular bar restaurants near Light st & Baltimore st.. With the hotel tourist business and as you can imagine if your a fan of my work, the customers I bartend for found me very interesting!</b> I would make so much money daily, it was really easy to fall into a slave cycle of just working to get and smoke Crack Cocaine! This repetitive cycle is very similar to the farmers of Columbia who actually farm the coca leaves in South America! The Cocaine farmers claim the properties of the leaf alone are not addictive but ultimately find themselves working to be paid in Coca leaves only! There's no documented connection between the leaves and the addictive properties of the finish product Cocaine, but if you'll work for pay in this leaf only, this sounds addictive to me! I don't know but maybe they're saving them up as a co-opp or something, where at the end of the week they can all put in there coca leaves together, then having enough to make some real Cocaine!<br />
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<b>Well anyway I had fallen into one of those cycles and many times I've wonder why it's so many waiter/waitresses or how so many washed up punch drunk waiters/waitresses wound up becoming career service employee's working in the services industry of downtown Baltimore!</b> You can make enough money working at anyone of these Inner Harbor area restaurants to support your habit as well as pay your bills at the same time! Even if you fuck up all of your money smoking crack or doing lines with hot Russian girls here on a work visa or some college coed's home for the summer break! Your only one five guests seat table away from a $100 to a $250 tip and your back in the game! This is dangerous for a addict, the constant up and down roller coaster of chasing money thrills and Drugs! Then with the up and down joy and disappointment of striking it big or possibly being given nothing in tips! This kind of lifestyle parallels to closely to the brains pleasure reward system pushing a unsuspecting addict back into a relapse!<br />
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<b>You can go from someone who's feeling good about the progress and success they're making to the very next morning having barely enough to get a McDonald's breakfast sandwich or a donut and a juice! </b>It's a hurting feeling you can at times almost wish you were dead! Before last nights binge began you were having fleeting thoughts about getting high as you secretly counted up the tips you were making through the course of your shift, even speculating what you'd make with the guest who were still enjoying your company! With every $10 to $20 dollar tip your suppressing the growing desire to go out and have a party tonight as soon as your relief comes through the door! <b>You slightly remember that last night you blew a days work $265 and the night before that you had a good time but you blew $80!</b> Now your running off of 12 hours sleep in over the past three days and in this moment your on the verge of doing the same thing all over again! Its like your seducing yourself or watching a movie about a character you care about who's about to do something that you know can only end up in their public humiliation! But as they hope and desire for the best possible outcome and so do you, though you know the inevitable ensuing car wreck will be just as satisfying!<br />
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<b>It's funny how you can go from the best person in the world during a shift entertaining everyone! Receiving self gratification from everyone and everywhere, to being all alone and wanting at the end of a shift! </b>Looking down one street towards a bus stop home and in the opposite direction into a abyss of another night compounding to your 4 day Crack binge! Going from every human need being met and then finding yourself with your back to your place of employment now facing the whole world and the realization of your true life not being as rewarding or fulfilling as the facade of an entertainment environment you have just finished facilitating for the last 6 hours! An now your have left yourself with not enough life energy for yourself, only the money! Reflecting back on how at one time your were in a good place going to school! With a good support system of teachers and class friends to talk to and a community to be a part of but all the same in the need of a girlfriend or a little more money!<br />
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<b>Now your somewhere in the near future with both or one or the other but now your off track! None of the core support and people who meant the most or had the values and structure that made you stop thinking about drug use! </b>Yeah, you didn't have a steady girlfriend or disposable income but you had a routine, a future aspiration and some long term friends in your corner! I couldn't see it though or couldn't see the true value in the position God had put me in! Instead I allowed myself to be seduced by the appeal of the things that I didn't have! Now I'm caught up in the Downtown tourist industry and living on the edge fighting between my addiction & sobriety, with sobriety being in short supply! <br />
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<b>Now I find myself sitting at a the famous Peters Pub!</b> I'm conversing with some cool guys and girls in town for business! Who want to party further than what Long Island Ice Tea's and Captain & Cokes can take them! Your black and from Baltimore so with all due respect they ask you! Do you know where they can get some blow? The Latrobe projects are right up the street! This deal can net you what you want on the side and still get the drugs for your new friends! Its been three days of chasing this shit now! You started this morning broke and discussed with yourself! Barely enough money for a Egg McMuffin Coffee and a Hash brown! You need to go home and get some sleep it's 1:30 in the morning and you have to be back in to Work at 10:00 am!!! Man please!!! Just tell them you don't know anything about buying drugs, just finish your drink and go home.....<br />
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<br />The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-88990220784085522012-04-16T06:27:00.003-07:002012-07-04T08:11:14.443-07:00"Two Monkeys Can't Sell Bananas"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I had met this guy Joo from New York, who had relocated down here(Baltimore) to try the Maryland thing! You know get a fresh start, see if he could have the success a lot of other New Yorkers have when they migrate down south!</b> Things were going good for him in Baltimore, he had a nice wife and a new born but I guess for some people, old habits are hard to break(Drug Selling)! He had got a apartment over there on McClean blvd and Perring Parkway(Northbrook)! We met one day in passing and he started off light talking me up, letting me know that he had or could get weight and variety in Marijuana!<b> I in return let him know I wasn't interested in the Weed but I told him I knew some Crack Heads and if he could get me some Coke it would be no problem to move it for him!</b> To myself at the time the proposal sounded good I could sell Crack on the side and smoke my profits! Doing it like that I figured I'd be able to hold onto some money I normally spend using Crack and <b>if I could stay on top of my discipline, make some extra money on the side!</b><br />
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<b>So Joo told me he'd be going up New York on thursday and he'd be in touch with me by friday or saturday so I'd be able to get a start on things by friday or saturday!</b> So about friday around 5pm I recieved a call from Joo telling me to come around his house cause everything was straight(Drugs had arrived)! I came out their to get the package and then I could try and make some moves! <b>So I get over there and he has a half onze of powder coke! Already I'm like I need this rocked up!</b> So he asks can I rock it up turning it into crack or do I know someone who could! I tell him yeah just to make him feel comfortable and he give me the coke and I tell him <b>I'd give him a call on monday to tell him how its going!</b><br />
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As I'm walking up the street I'm feeling good!<b> Having that much cocaine in hand isn't bothering me at all(temptation to use)! I had been worrying a little all week how I'd handle the temptation!</b> I'm really focused and trying to do the right thing! Subscribing to the reality of you can't smoke coke and sell coke at the same time! Up in the next court, <b>I knew lady named Toni who lived in that area. She kept a lot of smokers at her house and she'd probably be able to cook it up for me or put me on to someone who would be able to!</b> I knock on the door at Toni's house and she's happy to see me! She's older than me, like forty five but she's still got it in all the right places, you'd never guess more than thirty/thirty five! She was light skinned, long natural curly sandy blonde hair with real pretty eyes and lips! I came in and we caught up a little! <b>She asks me if I have or wanted to get anything(Crack)! Cause she has the house to herself and she would mind hanging out with me! </b> I'm exited like someone with a secret cause when she see's what I have she's gonna freak! So I pull out the bag from inside of my jacket! She says, "Is That Real" I'm like,"yeah!!!" <b>She's like your gonna have to rock that up or shit sell it as powder and they can rock it themselves!</b> She asks me how good it is? I tell here that I just got it and I haven't tested it yet! So she say lets do a line or two so we can see what we've got! So we get out a hard piece and and smash it up with a credit card then chopped it down into six lines! <b>She gets a wide Mcdonalds straw and some scissors cut me a piece and herself a piece! I go down and do a line as it goes down my throat and lungs it good I get a rush of pleasure instantly! It feels real good!</b> Toni goes down and does a line she comes right back up like damn this shit is good, who did you get this from!!! I don't tell her the whole deal but just some of the outline and she says she figure that it had to come from somewhere cause its hard to find powder or good powder at all in Baltimore Latley! <b>She trys to convince me to only cook up a 8 ball at a time cause some people might be interested in buying it raw so they can stretch it themselves being as the quality was so good!</b><br />
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She does another line and she's up high and cooking!!! <b>She's happy and perky too, this shit is good! She gets the coffee pot, some baken soda turns on the stove and she's off! I'm a little worried cause I'm not sure about if she actually knows whats she's doing or it's the cocaine talking!</b> She measured the coke into the pot, adds about 1/3 amount of baken soda, with just enough water for it to float! <b>As she cooks it she jabs at the oily base that begins seperate so she keeps stirring it to begining to form and resemble crack!</b> I have to watch her closely she keeps tasting the coke from the coffee pot walls, like a kid licking cake mix from a mixing bowl! <b>I know the temptation but if she keeps licking I'm gonna be a gram or two short! She's sexy though in her little shorts and tank top Shaking her ass and dancing to the radio as she cooks up for me!</b> She gets a cold water picture from the fridge and drizzle a little cold water into the coffee pot and the substance begans to harden inside the pot! She spoons out all of the coke onto a coffee filter so it can dry! <b>Suddenly she puts her arms around my neck and start to dance with me! Pushing me back again the counter slow grinding her hips against me as she makes steady eye contact!</b> She looks real hot right now! I wonder how far this is going to go cause I'm turned on and she's looking real good right now, as she slides her hips back and forth up and down against mines! She turns around now rubbing her ass cheaks up and down against me!<b> She can feel that I'm fully interested as she finds my interest and places it between her ass sliding up and down on my exitement!</b> She turns around and gets a rubber spatchula then skims all the remainder of the drying Crack from inside the coffee pot! This is a woman who knows her way around a kitchen! She then gets out a small step later and gets down from on top of her cabinets two Crack stims! She's flirting and smile with her eyes as she asks me do I want to test the crack she cooked for me out! I take some of the wet crack off of the spatchula and load both stims! I can tell by how it looks while it's drying, it's already going to be good! It's coming back white flacky and shimmery vs biege and chalky, which means it's mostly Cocaine and not baken soda! I ask her for a lighter she's like baby we can hit off of the stove! <b>Ok sounds good to me off the stove top! I lean over the stove to take the hit and boy did I get a big blast with the heat from the stove!!! The stove heat excelerates the speed and the volume of the hit! It uses up the Crack fast, but it's nothing like it, SHEW!!!</b><br />
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<b>She takes her Hit from the stove and now she's got me by the hand leading me back to her bedroom</b>! She's ready, she comes in the room and strips down fast! Then crawls onto the bed looking over her sholder at me in Doggystyle! <b>She looks so sexy and her pussy is pretty! As she tells me to come on, she's ready and she wants to be fucked!</b> I get out of my clothes fast, putting on the Magnum and climbed behind her on my knees as I held around the waist from behind! Her hair is pretty like a Puerto Rican bombshell or Bi racial beauty! It naturally spirals and twists like wet and wavy! She gasps as I slide inside of her slow, she closes her eyes and tosses her hair over her neck and sholders onto her back! <b>Her red butter pican skin is so sexy and her pusy is wet as I slide in and out and out her! As she curls her lips, clinching her face and pussy walls at the same time, while she grasps the brass bars of the day bed!</b> I reach around and grasp her breast from behind, burying myface into the back of her neck pressing the side of her face against the wall fucking her slow, forcefull and steady until SHE SCREAMS OUT IN PLEASURE!!! She cums, while I'm holding her their tightly! Her bodys relaxed against the wall now as I fast fuck her orgasmed weak pussy and hips until I reach her in cumming!!!<br />
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<b>Now we lay together side by side in bed, covered from the waist down as we bag up the Crack! She tells me I've really made her night! She didn't have anything planned and the house all to herself!</b> She asked what made me come over there? An if I had previously thought of her in a sexual way! I said you just struck me as someone who was close by, that possibly could cook and not that I thought I was going to get it(pussy) or I was trying to get it! I'm happy I did and the pussy was good!!! Then there's a loud knock at the door and her phone rings while we try to get some clothes on! It's our first customer of the night!!! <br />
The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-218326871886407262012-04-14T09:19:00.000-07:002012-07-04T08:28:25.682-07:00"Work & Play Does Mix"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Everyday as I road home from my job at a popular Belair rd. Breakfast Restaurant!</b> I'd run down Belair rd. south all the way down to North ave. making a right, then making a left onto Patterson Park ave. It would always be these little kids out there on the corner by Lanvale st.<b> Young teens like 14yrs to 15yrs old, but they were moving like a well organized drug operation. </b>I just got a eye for things like this,<b> like the "6th sense" I see Trap(drug) People!</b> I know profiling is wrong and you should always give people the benefit of the doubt to be who they are, free from stereotypes! I'm just saying though, besides I wasn't watching the kids so much as I was watching the moves they were making! They were moving too! Posted up on the block, flagging down desperate on lookers! In that search of what they had to sell, that Crack!!!<b> Running it like a track & field relay team! One would make the contact telling you where to park, then another would come up to you asking how many Cracks you wanted! Then they'd direct you into a narrow alley street a on Montford ave. only wide enough for one car at a time! Then they'd return to your car with the Crack!</b> They had short $5 viles with enough Crack for at least two hits, depending on how much you like to load your stem with for each hit! Then they'd direct you back out onto Gay st, to North ave, back on to Patterson Park! <b>Its a complete circle! A one stop shop Crack express lane!</b> In my personal observation of their demeanor, these kids were good boys though, not mean or ignorant! Just taking advantage of where they were born! No different than Moon shining or Diamonds! Just getting money, selling Crack and goofing off out in front the corner store after school!<b> In this community they're the Neighborhood boy band,</b> all the little girls chasing them out front that corner store between Crack sales! <b>They were Hood Stars!</b> Only downside is you had to wait until after school for their shop to open up everyday! Only time you got all day service was when schools were closed for holidays and weekends!<br />
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<b>So now this is my new stop off before work and after work, everyday if I could get off early enough! These young dudes shut down the operation at least by ten pm!</b> Then like the <b>Soup Nazi it was no crack for you!!!</b> There block was mostly vacant, no one lived on that hundred block of Lanvale st! <b>So after the store closed I guess they would look real suspicious out there still slanging and I'm sure their young appearances probably didn't help much on school nights either!</b> An if 2 out of 5 of them have parents, they'd have to be in the house by some certain time! It's hard and unsafe running a efficient system short on people! No look outs, no runners, no house person, that's cutting two many corners! <b>Besides,</b> t<b>hey got a good thing going on and their whole lives ahead of them! Why be greedy!</b><br />
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So I'm on my way to work at five pm and<b> I had been getting high all day since about twelve o'clock!</b> Five hours smoking this shit, five o'clock comes around real fast! With a lot of jobs, where sometimes not being ready for the party to end, can make it hard to leave the party! I know I've had times where I couldn't make it to work! <b>As Lindsey and Brittney like to put it,"I'm suffering from exhaustion!"</b> I liked my little job though and all the people I worked with too! <b>To a certain extent we were all losers though! Could have been doing better for ourselves but can't get out of our own ways, fucked up other opportunities, addicts, immigrants or just straight fuck ups!</b> But we leaned on each other for support, smoking a lot of Pot in our cars between orders and had a lot of fun doing it! Until something else comes along, finishing school, get clean, get pregnant or just one day never seeing you again!<br />
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<b>So on my way to work I go and holler at the Crack kids one more time and it's on my way to work!</b> I was working at one of those breakfast spots in Nottingham Md area! When I showed up I broke down two of my nickle vile on a Cd case and took me a nice hit out back off work! Then I rolled down the window to blow out the smoke and relax a little!<b> While I listened to the best of Jodeci! A Spanish dude walks by heading home whistling the melody of "Freaking You"! I get a kick out of it, music truly is universal!</b> Taking a Crack Hit before work was a bad idea as it gets closer to five o'clock, cause I'm high and tight lipped! It's gonna be hard to work like that! <b>So I had a bag of Purple Marijuana in my cars glove compartment, that I thought would be a good idea to buy last week , but I've been fucking with this Crack so hard lately, I forgot I had it! So I put a little nugget of the Purple on the same stem I hit the Crack out of! It's a great combination Crack & Purple must have been what it was like when Chocolate first met Peanut butter or when taco bell made the Doritos Taco shell!;-) I was feeling good, I was floating!</b> I went up in the job smiling and bopping!(walking cool) Getting all fresh with all the girls and women I serve with, I'm like Yeah! <b>I can see how people become full blow Crack addicts experimenting with Crack & Weed! </b>As your addiction progresses and you don't have money for both!<b> A addict is going to choose and most choose that Crack Cocaine!!!</b><br />
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So we have a new server tonight! The day time shift leader is like <b>"Pipester your in for a dozy tonight!"</b> They let Patricia come back so you, her and Damon are gonna be working together tonight! She knows what she's doing but before she was fired because she came to work everyday high on crack! She says she's clean but I don't know! <b>Cause if she's clean she says,"Then I don't want to see her when she's dirty!" </b>So they see her and call her over to meet me, and this white lady in her early forties makes a Bee Line towards me! <b>She was speeding then stops on a dime! Like the Road Runner or Sonic the Hedge Hog and started to shake my hand feverishly!</b> She had on these real thick cat eye glasses! It was hurting my eyes as I tried to look her in the eyes through the glasses! Then she was standing on her tippy toes looking down her nose at me through those thick glasses, as she rocked back and forth and side to side! This shit was straight out of a comic book, "Tyrone Bigums!" I wanted to laugh in her face! I held it together though! <b>Then my supervisor just smirked at me and went home for the evening!</b><br />
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<b>So the dinner rush starts, we're all their, things are going smooth, me and Damon are tripping off of Patty all night, watching her march around like a soldier marching double time, high as shit!</b> Then what made the shit real funny was was she had on black tuxedo pants with a high cummerbund, some white socks and black ballet slippers! <b>That shit was like Micheal Jackson on Crack! </b>So after awhile Damon says,"Yo "P" I think something wrong with miss Pattie" I'm like "Nigga You think?!!"<b> Damon goes on to tell me a car keeps pulling up on the side of the job when she goes on smoke breaks, then she goes insides the bathroom then comes out racing! Cleaning things up, greeting tables, talking us up and trying to convince us to give up tables we don't care for!</b><br />
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<b>So I go over to her in between her table stops! Like, I peeped your whole routine with the Crack Buys! So she immediately breaks down frantic! Begging me not to tell anyone because she'll get fired if anyone thinks that she getting high again, because she was previously fired before for the same thing!</b> I didn't expect all that besides I'm far from "A Company Man" I could care less, just pull your weight and I'm cool! I say, look how much shit did you just get! She says off of her tables, the last time the car had pulled up she got a 8 ball(3.5g)! <b>My mind is racing now, party time ! I come straight out like, I won't tell if you share some with me! She comes back at me like, stop fucking around, you don't get high! Your just gonna turn me in or throw my Crack away!</b> I'm like just take me somewhere I can show you then! So Damon says, he wants to run to the store for cigarettes and me and Pattie go back into the dry storage room together!<br />
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<b>She still doesn't believe I could be getting high! So she pulls her stem out like a mom trying to show her child that it's bad to smoke cigarettes! She broke off a big thirty piece and stuffed it in the pipe! You probably won't be able to melt that shit! She gave it to me and was like let me see you hit this then!</b> I take it and put it to my mouth, she tries to call my bluff more by striking this modified lighter she has for me trying to corner me as if I'll back down! <b>The flame was like six inches high!</b> She lights the Crack for me and I began to smoke as she watches me in disbelief! It hits me hard, I was really really high!<b> I WAS TORE UP!!!!</b> I fell back against the wall it was so good! I became instantly hot and sexually turned on! She ask me if I'm OK! As I began R<b>ubbing on myself through my pant leg right in front of Patty! She's nothing to right home about, but right now she in the right place at the right time! She has a look of approval as she takes off her glasses walking towards me, she takes a scrunchie from her pocket and ties back her hair, as he begins to feel me up in the corner!</b> She smiles and laughs while she's rubbing me up and down slowly! I'm still gone having a out of body experience almost! <b>It's like I'm there but I'm not there!</b> I'm just stuck in time! <b>She's kissing on my neck, I'm high and she's got me in her clutches, she's breathing hot air while she works my neck and ears with her mouth and lips!</b> It feels so good ! She says,"I can't believe your little baby ass getting high! As she continues the hand job through my pants kissing on me getting me hot and bothered! S<b>he isn't much of a looker but she knows how to touch a man!</b> Just then she drop to her knee's pulling me out from inside my boxers and begins to give me head! It feels so good,she is a real freak! I can't believe it! Her lips look good on my dick! <b>Crack Head or not, I'm getting head and high at work!!! Talk about on the job perks & bonuses!</b> I say, "I'm about to cum Patty!" Just in case she doesn't catch! Not only does she catch, she takes my dick out her mouth and jerks it off like a fountain, giving herself a facial, smiling catching it all, then licking her lips clean!<b> Jesus, you can't judge a book by it's cover, You may miss a friend , You may miss a lover!</b> She stands to her feet smiling like a school girl with a crush! "Did you like that?" I'm like, "Yeah???" She's like now that I know you smoke we can hang out anytime you want! I'm gonna go check on these tables and when I get back we can smoke some more! I'm still processing this, it all happened so fast! I'm trying to analyze and categorize everything! Coping mechanisms, I guess, I can't believe myself! As I fix my clothes and straighten myself up! I think to myself, <b>Fuck it, when I get off I know I will probably smoke the rest of that 8 ball with her & let her fuck and suck on me some more! What the fuck else do I have lined up! I'm not much for cliches but,"You gotta get it how you live!" or Sheryl Crow would say, "IF IT MAKE YOU HAPPY!!!!!! THEN IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!" </b><br />
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<br />The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-55204144195057294202012-04-13T05:40:00.002-07:002012-05-20T13:56:17.888-07:00"Baltimore's Unofficial Red light District"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>At one time I had the privilege of living in the Baltimore st. Patterson Park neighborhood!</b> This was between 2006 & 2008! This area was being gentrified! You know like when people with a little money decide to live in the city!<b> Raising the property value and pushing the original inhabitants out because they can no longer afford the increase in property taxes or their landlord will sell to developers and then they still gotta get the fuck out!</b> Myself, I was rooming with three others over on the South West side, like Lombard st. and M.L.K. Jr. blvd, right across from University Hospital! They all decided to move to the Patterson Pk/Canton area and your boy not really having a plan decided to move with them!<br />
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<b>When we first moved in and all of the times we came to see the home with the Realtor, were at certain scheduled times!</b> Everything looked real nice but I eventually came to find out that this whole area was a Ho stroll! <b>A notorious area synonymous w/prostitution & Drugs!</b> With the block I was living on as Ho Central and the drugs only being a little further down the street on the next block, past Fairmont ave! It was like a Merry Go Round of Ho's Cocaine & Heroin! <b>So one time our Neighborhood decided to have a "Take Back the Night" Community Watch Event! Baltimore Mayor, Martin O'Malley was going to make a appearance support our Block Party Cookout, to discourage Drug Associated Crime and Prostitution! (I know!;-), I'm a Big Fucking Hypocrite!!!;-)</b><br />
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<b>So O'Malleys assistant arrived first, enjoying the Cookout and giving us current ETA's on O'Malleys Arrival!</b> As all this is developing, on this particular early evening, Every Ho and Crackhead Prostitute was out there on both corners that night Tricking(prostituting)! So I'm saying to myself and my roommates like, <b>"Yo this might be a bad look for the Mayor cause these Ho's ain't stopping no matter who shows up tonight!</b> To be honest we probably should have stopped the Cookout cause it was a lot of Tricks and a lot of Ho's out there doing their thing! They weren't showing us any respect, as if this was acceptable behavior! All the indifference that is projected from and normally attributed to the decent and upstanding! In this neighborhood everything was the opposite! This place was a Bizarro World! A strange paradox, everything was backwards and dysfunctional here! Where most neighborhoods would have embraced a positive change and City Hall encouragement! This neighborhood resented its new pioneers! Like the Indians ultimately resented its New World Settlers! Like a compromised immune system, rejecting a antiviral load!<b> I mean it was like at least Ten Ho's out there and they were getting it in, racing to car windows, like a track meet! Mass production,assembly line, industrial like precision! They had a runner for drugs, dealers on speed dial and they even had a Crackhead Ho's assistant! Doing the leg work for the Drug deals!</b> I couldn't call him their pimp cause, that would be disrespectful to any Sober, hard working Ho manager or Pimp! Also attributing more value and skill to what service he was actually providing for these ladies! <b>An I've seen the Movies and HBO Specials, Pimping & Ho Managing ain't easy!!!</b> As we try to ignore this shameless behavior the cars and pick/up trucks are pulling up in a high volume! At the top of Baltimore st. and Montford ave., one Ho jumps in the front seat, they pull off driving to the end of the block of Montford ave. or next block and park, negotiating the "BJ", and then he drops them back off $20 Dollars Richer for Drugs! Soon to be followed by another and another and another! This was like a parade of custom cars and Ho's! A ho's full service express lane! The next thing I know the community harmony is interrupted by the call of a loud raspy shrill pitched voice<b>,"JAY!!! JAY!!! COME ON, WE NEED YOU TO MAKE A RUN FOR US!!! Jay collects all the money from all the Ho's, it's time to get some drugs for everybody! They pool their money together to get a volume discount on the drug deals! Jay will make the run so none of the Ho's have to miss any of the tricks who are still coming like Hoeing is going out of style! </b>By Pooling their money they'll get extra drugs for their bucks, if they would all go and purchase as individually, they would get what you pay for! It's Ten of them out there selling their bodies now and they've given Jay at least $200! So whoever they're dealing with will probably throw in a extra five to six Pills(drugs)!Jay can go to two different sources striking the same deal, he looks seasoned enough and probably gets ten extra pills! <b>Jay soon returns and now they're all going on Break in a narrow alley way very visible from the cook out, as Jay stands watch! Yes, can you believe this shit, they've all having a designated Ho break! In the Alley right across from the Cookout!</b><br />
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<b>They could have stopped or tried to mask their blatant and vulgar behavior! Instead they had no shame! </b>Though you could see the shame in their faces and the tightness in each expression as they sold their souls in front of a neighborhood audience! With every Turn and Trick we point, whisper and frowned in disapproval at the Ho's and Tricks! <b>They, the Ho's look just as displeased with us, expressions turned down and annoyed! I guess they just wanted to Ho in peace!</b> This is truly an example of it's easier to do your dirt in the dark than to do your dirt in the light! We should have stopped our event, we had children with us, families, clowns, balloons and games! A real family community affair! I guess we were hoping for the best possible outcome like the positive resolution in a good hood movie!<b><span style="color: red;"> </span><span style="color: #cc0000;">(Stop Hoeing Ho's it brings down property value and perpetuates low self esteem and false female stereotypes amongst young women! Thanks community we didn't know, but now we do! An knowing is half the battle, G.I. HO!!!!)</span></b><span style="color: #990000;"> </span>Then everyone come together over hotdogs and burgers continuing the block party with Mayor and the camera does a Arial fade out! We were going to save them Hoes! We soon came to realize that we were wrong, it wasn't going working out! With all these Ho's out here, this just was not a conducive family friendly environment! I guess some addictive patterns are just as hard to change as the actual change of the addicted person! This block had been abandoned for a long time before it was targeted for Regime change! An a few new doors, porches and sand blasted exposed red brick was going to change anything! The Ho's come in and out of jail and they haven't heard things have changed or hadn't had a lot of options and the tricks will come to see if Hoeing truly is dead in the new Patterson park or bitches are just scared! Apparently these Ho's are not scared!!! Open air drug markets, Addicted female population and a history of vacant neighborhoods! Pussy's for sale!<br />
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<b> The mayor's security shows up to scout out the event activity and the area before the mayor arrives! Its straight out of the Men in Black/Secret Service Handbook!</b> But the Ho's & Johns are not being discouraged by any of this political presence! So as I look up the street and I see two limo's go pass Baltimore st. Going south on Patterson Pk!<b> I say, "There goes the mayor!!!"</b> <b>Everyone gets excited and frenzied up!!!</b> <b>Even the Ho's are like "The Mayor is Coming, but in B-more we were on first name basis with our mayor, so it's more like, "O'Malley Coming Y'all!!!, O'Malley Coming!!!" All of a sudden the Ho's are all racing out the alley, High on Crack & Heroin, fixing themselves up in peoples car parking mirrors!</b> People like,"Get the fuck off my mirrors" Ho's like,"We sorry we didn't know these were your Cars!"<b> As if that point is in question as to what makes a difference! Who the car actually belongs to and as if the Mayor is gonna be checking for Ho's!!! I'm beginning to get excited too!!!;-)</b> Just then I notice the Security clutching their ear/pieces and then whispering to the Mayor's assistant! The Mayor Assistant is coming toward us all with the look of a juror about to announce the verdict in the O.J. Simpson trial! <b>"EVERYONE THE MAYOR WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ATTEND THIS EVENT TONIGHT, BUT WISHES YOU ALL HIS BEST AND MUCH SUCCESS!</b> Apparently the Mayor had another pressing engagement that he must have just remembered as he drove pass the Cookout and realized he would not be able to attend our event that night! It was Fucked up though, because we are all not stupid, we had all just seen the Mayor's Motorcade ride pass us, going down the other street! <b>Some people even made jokes about it,"O'Malley must have changed his mind and decided to go to the Canton Square Block Party!;-)</b> I can't knock him though that would have been a fucked up Photo Opportunity! <b>The Mayor being photographed at a Community Cookout thats being plagued by a Open Air Prostitution Funded Drug Ring!!! With the Ho's now turning their full attention and groupie like admiration to the Mayor as they take a break from turning tricks! But Hey,</b> <b>The Ho's took Time from their busy schedules to accommodate the Mayor, So the Mayor Could have at least taken some time from his schedule to accommodate them!!!</b> Besides, Ho's must also be constituents too, in some kind of way!!!<br />
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<b>Later on living in this area became a big problem for me and my crack cocaine addiction! Leading to me being Voted Out of the "Real World Baltimore House"!;-)</b> Having the people who I attended the cook out with and was a good neighbor to viewing and treating me like I was a neighborhood undesirable! Like we all no longer knew each other as neighbors or had been formally introduced! <b>So to the Community, I just couldn't handle it, it was just too many Ho's and too many drugs coming right to your doorstep!!!</b> <b>It was like a small Amsterdam almost!</b> I was the wrong person to be in this kind of neighborhood and this eventually becoming a convenient spring board for me, propelling my drug use from Powder Cocaine to Crack!!! <b>It was fun at first, living in Baltimore's Unofficial Red light District, then I got sloppy and my friends had to turn me out to the streets! </b>They came back periodically to try to salvage the old me but I continued to let them down frequently, always returning to the Ho's and the Crack Pipe! Some of them even have tried to assume some of the blame or responsibility for moving us all into a <b>24hr Crack Car Wash!</b> <b>That's kind of Witty, 24hr Crack Car Wash, get it get it!!!(cars/fallacio/constant) </b> It's not their fault, I chose to stop sniffing cane w/friend socially! Then Graduating to the pipe, Ain't nobody's fault, Ain't nobody play me, I played Myself! Yes, I am romancing drug use in this Post a little and that they say it's a warning sign of a possible ensuing relapse! But I realize the danger of what I'm doing, I just got some stories to tell!!!The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-85745828841282073522012-04-12T00:09:00.000-07:002012-04-12T21:16:45.336-07:00"Man vs Wild" Crack Edition 3/3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<strong>When we last left off I was in a Crack induced stooper from putting to much Cocaine on a Crack pipe that already had alot of unfinished Coke on it!</strong> Crack is wild, sometimes it can hit you where your up and highly stimulated! Your up and speeding around like your at a rave and sometimes it just hits you ice cold where your just stuck, froze, a truely having a out of body experience until you come back down! <strong>As the say in crack slang, "A beam up!" Yeah, Kirk to Scottie! I was gone....</strong><br />
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Things begin to return to focus and deep inside I have a internal fear of returning back to prison! If I get knocked for everything I'm envolved in this evening! <strong>I'll be facing 25yr no parole! Three strikes is a mutha fucka! All the same though, I don't know if it's my mind powered by crack or opitimism in my ability to evade arrest but now I'm out the trailer and my feet are on the ground! </strong>Standing between the trailers I watch the helicopter circling the rail yard with a spot light! If you read my blog I'm sure you have your opinions about my state of mind! To be honest though I realize I'm a little crazy! <strong>I'm feeling like Bear Grills from "Man vs Wild!"</strong> I'm feeling like I can pull this off! <br />
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The copter takes a long loop,<strong> like a girl playing double dutch I'm through the cars and across the tracks into the ajacent woods!</strong> The copter pans back around for another pass! I'm actually wondering if I'm tripping as to if this copter is actually looking for me or this is all some kind of coincidence! Just as I'm thinking this the copter hovers over my area and shines the light into the brush! <strong>I'm wondering whether or not heat scan technology s real and if its does Baltimore's Police department have this and I'm high as shit paraniod!</strong> So I start covering myself in damp leaves and brush to disguise my heat signature! The helicopter bugs out(leaves)! I begin to think if they made me they'll have to come in on foot! <strong>Man hunt shit and I'm sure if the Baltimore police aren't up for this.</strong> I burrow and wrestle my way through a bunch of foliage and thorns, now I'm on the train over pass bridge at Loch Raven blvd & 25th st across from the Clover land dairy. The police are definently on high alert, up and down both streets and the copter is circling! I run across the bridge and down into the dairy's train yard! The Helicopter returns flying above and spotlighting the car yard! <strong>Damn I feel like Wesley Snipes in US Marshall, this shit is out of hand and if it goes down wrong can lead to me possibly beings shot or mauled be the K9 unit!</strong> Though nervous, I'm still feeling good about my chances having made it this far!<br />
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<strong>I crawl my way up a steep incline in the direction of Kirk ave & 25th st!</strong> I come to a clearing with big boulders you can sit on. It's kind of like a camp site! The rocks are spray painted with graffiti, <strong>I guess this is a junky chill spot!</strong> So I chill, believe the police trail has gone cold! So I could really use a hit or maybe two! <strong>My pipe is mad frosty from constantly putting fresh coke on it but not being able to enjoy it! </strong>So I cover my flame as much as I can and take a good blast! This hit me good and I feel good and relaxed! Then I look at myself, I'm all scratched up and dirty! I won't be able to make it to Toney's house or car, the police will catch me for sure! I climb down the other side of the embankment! It's a rusty bobwired fence! <strong>I'm not climbing this, oh lucky me it a whole in the fence! I guess I'm not the first person to come this way before!</strong> I squeeze through the hole! looking down the hill, I'm between the garage and the gas station next to the M&T Bank! <strong>It's hot as shit police flying in both directions and I can still hear that Helicopter!</strong><br />
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I really contemplate trying to play it cool and walk back to Toney's place<strong>! I know I won't make it! So I just wait, bunker down and wait! Patience is truely a virtue if you can handle it!</strong> I wait in the trees and the brush, it's obvious they have no idea where I could be! I lay there on that hill watching people get gas, police circling, sweating & being eatin alive by mosqitoes! <strong>Then 2hr later I'm in a cab head back to Aiken ave & Darely ave. Toney is on the porch happy as shit to see me!</strong> "Yo, you ain't even have to do all that!" Me to myself,"Yeah that easy for you to say, you basically pointed me out", like a hunting dog! <strong>He brings me inside to his basement! Two freaks on deck, I have four dimes left and porno's on, Crack on the dresser, these girls must have had a good night on the track!</strong> I sit down and start breaking down my bags! They ask, where did I get that crack from, they can tell it's shorties! I tell them the whole story, they say they thought so! <strong>We start smoking Crack and talking dirty and reckless about genitalia as the porn get interesting! Now they want to help me out of my dirty clothes!!!!</strong> The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-4178977967607922012012-04-11T00:37:00.002-07:002012-05-24T23:19:05.743-07:00"Your on Wrong Train but, Your on the Right Crack" 2/3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>So when we last left our cracked crusader! I was pulling of a abandoned Baltimore Block after taking my first hit of crack in five months!</b> It was good too and I'm extremely high with two passengers riding along with me! Tony a former and recently reunited with crack smoker and some kid I just bought my crack from, that I some what rescued from his possible murder over a territory dispute! <b>I didn't swing in on a wire or dodge bullets like in the Matrix but in my own Cracky way I ushered him from danger!</b> At the same time taking advantage of the fear of his personal mortality, to get a discount on the crack he had left, before the Aiken ave & Darley ave boys made him have a going out of business Crack sale!<br />
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So me and Tony drop the kid off on Park Heights &Belvedere rd! As shorty gets out, he asks us if we're straight! I ask for Five more dimes shorty runs over to a little crowd of some of his neighborhood click and comes right back! I give him a fifty and he gives me the pills(crack) and me Tony are back on our way! <br />
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Tony talking all this crazy shit trying to catch up for lost time! Since he hasn't got high with me in five months! <b>It's all bullshit small talk, he could care less and really we've probably only hung out ten time as a whole but every time we had a blast figuratively and literally on my dime!</b> Any way it gets annoying sometimes but some people just gotta talk! I cut to the chase, "Do you know anywhere we can stop and smoke at for awhile!" He says we can go back over that house on Darley ave you saw me come out of but you'll have to tip the house, drugs or money or maybe a little of both! I know the house he's talking about and the woman who runs the house is a little slow if you ask me, then add Crack to the equation and its a mess and a nuisance! You can't relax and get high like that, <b>a greedy high on crack retarded women getting on your fucking nerves while your trying to smoke and enjoy your shit!</b><br />
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So we're riding east on 25th st and Tony says he knows a place and to take a left on Guilford. I take another left into a alley of car garages! <b>I'm a little leery, this is on of those rehabbed urban neighborhoods white people move to, to be city slickers but are always calling the police for shady stereotypes such as me and Tony! Tony assures me it's cool again so we drive half way into the alley and back into a garage of a vacant home!</b> The spot seems cool, we take our Crack out I've got ten pills of crack now and I give Tony three! He looks kind of disappointed, but that's what I was talking about on some of my previous post. You show a little love out here and people get entitle!<b> Like I said, I try to show love but some people can't handle it! They want more!</b> Mutha Fucka we ain't hung in five months, I hit you with four pills and you still got your hand out! As I hit the pipe, I'm high as shit again and Tony asks me to use my stem! He's trying to take advantage of me! Bitch ass nigga!<b> He plays this shell game where he'll get your pipe and keep rotating the stems where he has the pipe with all the crack and you'll have the pipe with just enough to taste the coke on it! It immediately upsets me, taking me to the height of my last stretch of smoking crack!</b> I say no, we have a short moment of argument! I tell him I just gave you a stem and four pills,what the fuck do you need my stem for? He realizes he's busted and gets back in his lane before I put him the fuck out! <b>All of a sudden a cop car turns down the alley shining it's search lights into the garages! Tony dumb ass hits the pipe anyway and the Crack flicker is high as shit!</b> The cop car hits the siren and bee lines towards the garage we're in! He fucks up though and over shoots us! I'm like Tony cover up your flame the cops is coming! He's trying to hold the crack smoke in his lungs for as long as he can! I roll up all the windows get out and lock this nigga inside the car!<br />
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<b> I'm gone running down the alley way!</b> I stop at the corner and case the block! It's 3 squad cars circling looking for the source of the complaint call! I stoop down behind this parked car and I can hear everything, every car engine, horn and all the other sounds of the city! I wait for the right moment and began to walk up the Guilford ave going toward 26th st.! <b>As I cross the bridge by the rail road track I see Tony coming out the alley looking all suspicious! </b>He sees me and calls out loud for me to stop and wait for him! Just as I begin to meet him, the police pull up on him from all three directions! He's surrounded and has a lot of explaining to do! <b>Can you believe it, this bitch is still looking directly at me! As if to say look at that dude we're together.</b> Unfortunately for him I'm no longer there! I've climb over the gate on the 26th st bridge, shimmied my way down a trash, broken bottle, syringe and crack vile littered embankment! <b>I look back up to the bridge I can see the police's silhouette as I take off down the tracks! Funking Tony!!!</b><br />
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<b>So I'm on the tracks now anticipating a helicopter any minute! This is straight out of "Stand by Me!"</b> So I'm trying to get as close as I can to the kirk ave train overpass as I can, just in case I've gotta run into the woods! I don't want to be lost with the police on my tale! I see a train yard or factory with some empty trailers! <b>I scurry over and climb inside of one them. I'm very dirty, mud and grass stains all over me! How in the fuck will I be able to make it to my car is beyond me!</b> It hits me this is the perfect spot, I put two dimes on the pipe, close the trailer door, strike my Bic & pipe and the whole trailer lights up as <b>the crack sizzles like a fourth of July sparkler!</b> As I inhale the cocaine smoke slow letting it reach the very bottom of my lungs! As it touches the bottoms it tickles and burns while I begin to cough but I now higher than I've ever been before! So I guess it really is, slow and steady wins the race! Now I'm high and in a great place to get high but theirs something missing! Some Ho's!!!<b> An what's that, do I hear a helicopter hovering! Yes, oh shit their is a police helicopter searching the train yard! How and the fuck will I get out of this!</b> Lets chill and think a minute before taking action! Five Crack bags left, I load up another 20 and hit the pipe slow and hard again, it's a lot coke built up on here, it smacks me hard and I feel great as I fall out against the wall of the trailer limp! <b>At least if they catch me I'll be high as shit......</b> The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-44887871107118836092012-04-10T04:39:00.000-07:002012-04-12T00:09:57.290-07:00"Stop Murder & Smoke Crack n/a Single Bound" 1/3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I had been sneaking around behind my girlfriends back for about 6 weeks now! When I met her she was like the first intimate realtionship I had been in for like awhile, since I stoped using! I mean I was fucking a girl here and there but I actually hadn't to have anything real in awhile! She was hot too and I didn't have enough clean to be in a wild freaky sexual relationship anyway! They were saying at rehab you should give yourself like a year or maybe it was six months but they said you wouldn't be ready for all of the mixed emotion a relationship can present! An some of these feeling and emotions will trigger cravings and urges that can a recovering addict back to using their drug of choice! In a control situation that senario makes alot of since but when a hot 120 lbs brick shit house blonde with a bowe legged walk, a twisted smirk smile and big titties comes straight at you!!! I don't know what tell you!!! I got her number and was like, I can maitain her and my recovery schedule but I was lying to myself! My addiction was in control again! I stoped going to meeting everyday, stoped ready recory literature, it was just pussy in the morning, pussy in the evening! It was too soon for pussy! No man wants to admitt this to hiself but where I was coming from, pussy should have not been on the menu! The thrill of some hot acrobatic pussy was just to close to hot sizzling Crack and I wanted some! "Would you like to combo that sir?" Yes "I didn't know you guys had a Hot acrobatic pussy, sizzling hot Cack combo!" As a matter of fact I'll have two!;-)</strong><br />
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So now after every date we go home and fuck! I'm either constantly fucking her to get rid of the anxiety I have to use drugs! By the was she was lovin it, or I'm up laying in bed cause I can't sleep! Plus she didn't have cable or internet! So I'm sexually exited watching the walls with a enormous Crack itch growing inside of me! So one night after a early sex session she says, you don't have to stay I'm going to bed early and I know your a night owl! My mind is already doing the ligistics and calculating the probability of me getting high this evening! I kiss her good buy like it's all good and I'm on a mission, like I didn't have any experience with recovery! Drove down Old Harford rd made a turn south on Harford rd and I'm on my way!<br />
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Its been five months but shit don't change in Baltimore that fast, maybe the Jugg boys got their shit back together! 15 minutes and maybe 10 blocks later I'm riding around Aiken st and Darley ave trying to find something good! I'm a monster at urban tracking! You could drop me anywhere in America and I could lead you to the drugs! I can spot the look and body languge of a user and just slowly follow them or sometimes or offer them money and they'll lead you right to who has the best and biggest shit! Police work isn't hard they've just gotten lazy, like all of these other service industries standard of quality! They'd rather just wait for someone to snitch on somebody or a anonymous tip and there parading seized money and drugs on television like they did something! Don't get me wrong I don't hate police but lately in Baltimore you can find more cocaine on the street than in Columbia, more Heroin than Afganistan and the violent culture iminating from it got or streets hotter that Iraq!!! </strong><br />
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I park on the corner I see this slim young dark skin kid with dreads on the corner! He had like 8 fiends around him! It was like 4 on him, 2 coming and 2 leaving! I can tell he must have the Bomb! I'm about get out the car and like three more women users walk by making eye contact going towards the dude, he's got the strip ringing! I go over and as I walk up some of the Jugg boys come up and approach him! They tell him he's not from around there and If he dosen't get gone soon they going to kills him! He tried to save face but I could tell he was terrorized! I pushed up on him and asked him what's up? He straight screams on me, "YO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YO, YOU JUST HEARD THE NIGGAS SAY THEY GONNA KILL ME!!!" I didn't realize he was so scared, he concealed it very well! I just smiled and said! I heard them say you not from around here and I seen you doing your thing before they aproached you! Let me buy off you whatever you got left! Now if he had thirty bags, ain't no way in the world I'm gonna buy thirty bags! I just want to provoke his greed enough where he'll sell me what I want before he remembers those Guys are going to kills him! He closes the deal for me by saying,"I got seven left I'll give you all seven for $50 and a ride back over Park Heights ave. I say, I only got forty! He's like come on yo,you ain't got another $10. I'm like, "Don't even worry about it, Yo I'm gone" He's like alright wait,wait,wait yo I'll do it! <br />
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So we get in the car and as I'm about to start the engine my man Toney walks up on my window! I ain't seen yo in months. He use to be my running budy up Loch Raven & Northern Pkwy! He's like, you about to get something? I'm like shorty is about to straighten me out right now! Toney recognizes shorty! Toney says, AAAYYY SHORTY WHAT'S UP, THATS MY MAN RIGHT THERE, HE GOT SOME GOOD SHIT? It's funny but shorty loses his Mind like, "LOOK YO HERE GO THE SEVEN PILLS, NOW CAN YOU GET ME AWAY FROM HERE BEFORE THESE NIGGAS KILL ME!" I'm laughing and smiling again because he's so animated it's funny! I tell Toney to get in and we're gone! The pills shorty gave me they're nice size and the coke looks good as if the physical endorsement of all his costumers weren't enough! I put the seven pill in my mouth, I can instantly taste the potencey of the product as I stuff the bags between my gums and lips with my tounge, to avoid detection in case we're pulled over by the cops! We take off and Toney asks me do I have a pipe on me! I give him a black plastic bag, he opens it, 2 rose stims, chore boy brill and a fresh white bick! The kid is feeling better but he really want to get back over to the west side, no detours but Toney and I had other plans!;-)</strong><br />
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So now we're driving down Kirk ave, we make a right up Bartlett ave, a right on Homewood ave and now we're on Gutman ave. It's a abandoned block behind the MTA public Bus station! I park between two abandon cars and cut the light and the egine! Shorty is mad as shit, COME ON YO CAN'T YA'LL DO THIS SHIT AFTER YA'LL DROP ME OFF" Me, I'm like be cool shorty it's been five months since I've got high but I've parked here alot of times, Toney you just watch the back and shorty you watch the front, we'll both take a hit and then we'll drive you home! I slide two dimes down from between my gums and give Toney one as I load my stim with the other!</strong> <strong>Toney gets right to it the block has no street lights the cabin of the car is bright as a camp fire! So I hurry up and hit my shit and case we need to make a quick and speedy departure!;-) It's been so long, welcome back old friend! GOOD GOD WHERE DID SHORTY GET THIS FROM!!! I can't feel or teethe, I'm out of it, semi conscious and and envoluntarily drooling on myself! YO YO YO, THIS NIGGA TRIPPIN, they shake me I come around sweating like it's summer and I'm trying to catch my breath! Now the high is coming over me, I start laughing as I start the car to pull off the block! Toney's like wait you let me take another hit! I'm feeling good now and it's been awhile so I'm high as shit, with a six month surplus of serotonin to be released! I say to Toney, "Man hurry up and hit that Mutha Fucka before I pull off the Block!!!!</strong>The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-66617742311446016022012-04-09T02:37:00.001-07:002012-05-24T23:26:20.684-07:00"The Crack House "A" Lister"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My so called Celebrity in the hood has swelled to a fever pitch these days! <b>Where now I cannot enjoy myself in a lot of the Crack Houses of the York Rd. area!</b> An this pisses me off because I'm a low key person not really wanting to be noticed or or bothered! Just get my crack, a chair, a corner and maybe one invited guest to smoke with! I guess the people viewing assume, I'm just super nice or something and next time if they could get the same chance, maybe I'll share with them! I'm not a sucka or a person to be used! I just like to have a good time and if I didn't ask you to come over here and join this small party, go back in the other room sit your ass back on the couch or leave! <b>It's fucked up too but desperate people do desperate things! </b>Your trying to enjoy yourself, their party has obviously come to a end but no one is trying to leave! OK everyone who's broke, alright it's time to get the fuck out, suck some dicks, shoplift some socks, tooth paste, soap, some shit some body might buy from y'all <b>and let me sit here and smoke my Crack in peace!</b> They say it's a form of insanity to do the same thing repetitively and expect a different result! Well every time I visit a Crack house in this area all the groupie like attention I get from the addicts that I've have gotten high with in the past, makes it impossible for me to smoke Crack in peace! Never the less I keep going back to these places every night after work or when theirs nothing better to get into with a feverish desire to reach the same zenith of the last great time I had! <b>This kind of anticipation makes you venerable and susceptible to a lot of the games played by a lot of these junkies out here!</b> Showing up somewhere real pressed or inpatient, you can get yourself played! These seasoned junkies and they have a lot games with them too! <b>Techniques and tricks to put you on the other end of the Crack Pipe helpless, penniless, Desperate and at their Mercy!</b> As time goes on I begin to see it's not all about the addict addicted to the substance but some people are waiting and stalking a victim for the right opportunity! Where they can seize the upper hand and assert control over this person/victim! Now the jokes on you, you become the beggar looking for the hand out! Not your boy though, as nice as I am and as innocent as I may appear, <b>I will get Ice Cold on your Ass!</b> An that's not what I came for or consider a good time! So I leave Frita's and it's on to the next house!<br />
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As I try to leave like I was explaining when I first started! <b>All of the fiends will follow me from one crack house to the next crack house like I'm a A list Star leaving one club and being followed to the next!</b> This is a aspect of the game I've rarely heard people speak about in these circles but I wonder has this ever become a problem for anyone else! Maybe I started this by sharing my Crack, when I have crack or money in abundance I spread it around a little! <b>They say that you shouldn't feed strays or animals because they will always return begging!</b> These same traits exist in desperate humans as well! It is said, God puts us in situation to practice for what he has in store in the next chapter of our lives! Well what in the Hell is in store for me? So I'm on my way to <b>Andre's and Lisa's Crack House</b> over on Midwood Ave & St. Dunstans Rd ! I met Lisa one night she was tricking and she brought me back there, it was alright but once I started to get high and in a better light Lisa didn't look as hot as she did when we were chatting under the dim street lights! <b>I think she kind of took it personal but I glad I never crossed that bridge!</b> So I leave Frita's with like a trail of like seven junkies following me, Frita's pissed off I drained her house! I don't even want these people following me but they insist they'll walk with me just to see what's going on with Lisa and Andre! <b>We look hot as shit(suspicious)! A band of Gypsy Crack Heads traveling single file 4 O'clock in the Morning!</b> Thank God we don't run into any police! I don't know what my explanations would be! We get to Andre's & Lisa's, they immediately say through their steal security gate,"Pipe you can come in, we know you got money but all these other broke mutha fucka's gotta go somewhere else"! <b>My entourage is now pissed with me,</b> "Yo Pipe you gone do us like this, we walked you down here and everything!" "At least give us some crack for the walk" Me, "We're not together, Y'all are the reason I left Frita's and came down here in the first place!" They say, <b>"We're going to remember this!" I say,"In The Words of Chris Tucker, Remember it, Right it down, Take a picture, I don't give a FUCK!!!!"</b><br />
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So I enter the house "Thanks Lisa" she say<b>,"I know baby all them mutha fucka's following you around 4 O'clock in the morning, that shit don't make no sense"</b> "Where you coming from this late?" Me, "Frita's" She says, "An all them mutha fucka's followed you around here, y'all must was looking hot as shit out there(suspicious)! Me, "Yeah we was!" <b>Before I can get any further this sexy Bi Racial girl cut in to introduce herself! She's sexy as shit real pretty with long auburn hair!</b> I saw her with Lisa once but I was so under the influence at the time I just let her and Lisa run back out! I can feel something, we have a genuine attraction, its strong too, I think the whole room can feel it! Cause immediately the other two people in the room try to separate us! Lisa taking me to sit down by the window and Andre taking Stacey to sit on the couch! We both smile cutting our eyes at each other as we're chaperoned! <b>With no words spoken, in this life style our looks already infer what we think to each other, once we get them out of the way!</b> <b>Your my Type, lets talk about this over some Crack and see where this goes!;-)</b> Lisa says,'Want me to call somebody or you got something?" "I was like I got something" I had caught Jeff in the kitchen when I was at Frita's. He sold me a quarter of Ready(Crack) for $180 before I left! He said while I was there, that he did have anything bagged up only 8 balls, qrts and hlfs! <b>"I'm like well give me a quarter!"</b> Jeff smiled, "Now don't smoke this all in one place and don't be down there sharing your shit with all them people!" <b>Now, here I am!</b><br />
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Lisa gives me a mirror and razor! When I pull out the quarter they are all fucked up! <b>It's like Christmas Even though it's quiet you can feel the intensity of how exited everyone is!</b> I eye ball measure off a gram size giving Andre and Lisa two half grams a piece as I smile and look at Stacey who's on the edge of her seat, chin high trying to see what going on! I thought it might take more cause I've heard Stacey has become Andre's new freak bitch and he has feeling for her! My price must have been right, cause him and Lisa go in the bed room together and just say, "Stacey we going in the room Hang out with Pipe for awhile until he leave!" <b>Guest they were in the mood to share her but not their Crack!</b> Stacey comes over and sits beside me and says,"who and the fuck are you?"smiling, I reply"Nobody, I'm just some lame that all these crazy people like to follow around and make a fuss over!" She says the magic words! "So what's up with you?" <b>That's code for, "I'll fuck you and suck your dick right now, if you smoke some Crack with me!"</b> I look at her and say as I pull the quarter back out! Did you really have to ask? You saw how fast they got in between us when you first introduced yourself! <b>Everyone could feel our sexual energy, and the tension was hanging in the room all the way until I pulled out the quarter! </b><br />
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<b>She takes out her stem, I'm seducing her with the crack! She can't tell though!</b> I'm behaving like it's no big deal that all this crack is on the table but her mouth is watering! She's waiting for me to cut her off what I want her to have! <b>Nudging her body as if to gesture she's ready! It's involuntary, her brain is doing it to her nervous system!</b> I gesture back go ahead help yourself! She smiles again, " Oh that's why your so popular!" I think to myself yes, but only the sexy people! She puts a nice size dime on the pipe and leans forward as she strikes the lighter, holding it up to the pipe! I get a mild mental rush and high watching her hit it! Squirming in my seat a little as I wait for my turn! She sits back and hands over the pipe, as I start to put another rock on the pipe she says, it's good and a lots left on the stem, theirs no need to add another rock right now! <b>Y'all know me though, I do everything to THE EXTREME!</b> I know myself too,So before I hit this I zip up the qrt on the inside pocket of my north face jacket and put a nice 20 size glassy looking piece of the Crack on the pipe! <b>Stacey says damn you gone hit all that!</b> I just light my Bic, strike the crack and inhale as I watch the cocaine smoke swirl up in my stem, ghostly white potent Smoke, this is going to be good! It is, all my tensions and stress melt away, all my endorphins rush through my body! I corner Stacey and we start to make out in a corner, she's Laughing, "saying damn that must have been a good hit!" <b>She's easy access dressed like a frat girl, sexy! Hair in a pony tail, wife beater T and some booty work out shorts and flops!</b> I get the magnum out(Safe Sex)! Take off her shorts and see she has Red sexy shaved pussy hair! I test the waters and she's soak and wet! I go up inside of her! As I penetrate she gasps and her eyes widen, like that initial surprise of pain look most women have while they're first adjusting to the dick! She a small girl, <b>so I pick her up,my arms gripped under her knees as she holds around my neck and we exchange a smile again as I walk her around the kitchen fucking her!</b> Smacking that pussy and ass with my hips until her pussy locks up! On and off, on and off around my cum pumping dick as she quenches her pussy, rubbing her forehead & face into my collar and neck as her body releases in pleasure! I sit back down still in side of her dick still spasming, she shivers each time it does! <b>I know we Crack Boo loving!!!!</b> She says where have you been since I've been around her? I saw you 4wks ago at Frita's! I start to slice some more rocks off! I said I'm kind of lucky with things like this, I kind of knew I'd run into you sometime! She says it doesn't have to be all about this shit(Crack) all of the time!, "You want to go again after this?" "I'm like you Already Know!!!" <b>Besides,(My Dick is still in You, Did we ever stop?;-) </b>The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1957117695934455399.post-50197474399168621272012-04-08T00:28:00.002-07:002012-06-04T18:10:13.632-07:00"They Try to Make me go to Rehab and I said.........<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>To anyone with a Narcotics Anonymous background my blog may seem insensitive or undermining toward addiction recovery!</b> I'm sorry but these are my individual experiences, my life as well and as controversial as this maybe, I'm going to call it like I see! I believe things are as serious as we make them out to be and that you can find laughter in anything! <b>Even the perils of Crack addiction!</b> So sit back stop being so serious and be entertained at my expense!<br />
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So I make it through rehab 3 months successfully but the recovery center had found out that I wasn't participating in (NA) Narcotics Anonymous meetings alongside the rehab program I was attending! <b>So the founder of "Cross Roads" confronts me like you have to start attending NA meetings or we won't allow you to graduate!</b> I tell her I really wasn't interested in a volunteer style help program! The structured rehab recovery was working for me and I was feeling good about myself! I could actually see my way out of the woods! I still had to walk my way out but I could see the right direction to begin the walk<b> but I was concerned about Narcotics Anonymous possibly undermining my recovery! </b>Being as though it was a volunteer program run by recovering addicts! I felt like what I was doing was working with the professional rehab! So why fix something that's not broken!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZX2iXoF3AaasFXM7nLE-uLyyVizPlfqVDv8u8upyNZh-QgCl46W_drM3RZIA-3MR81zUJNt_IIvOZ69HxEkdUO4__vrcdeWFbgUW55r-yPzafjDxZUC2gYFoB79Pjzrso0hBCpZEOUbw/s1600/2011-02-26_10-03-23_107_web.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" nda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZX2iXoF3AaasFXM7nLE-uLyyVizPlfqVDv8u8upyNZh-QgCl46W_drM3RZIA-3MR81zUJNt_IIvOZ69HxEkdUO4__vrcdeWFbgUW55r-yPzafjDxZUC2gYFoB79Pjzrso0hBCpZEOUbw/s320/2011-02-26_10-03-23_107_web.jpg" width="320" /></a>All of these Rehabilitation centers and so call counselors don't know what's good for everyone! What was successful for one person may not work for another person! <b>They insisted, so I knew this meeting that they held over at the E. Baltimore St. & Lakewood ave. It's held in a church right across from Patterson Pk.</b> That was the neighbor hood I started getting high in and I'd always seen all the addicts out front of there before and after the meetings, so I figured I give it a try!<br />
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I go down there my first day with 3 months of clinical recovery under my belt! Some of my will was back and I was feeling good about myself! <b>So they were all looking at me like who the fuck is this dude! I think they thought I was a bounty hunter or something!</b> Cause no one was really reaching out to me! Eating, hydrating and a couple of push ups will bring you back fast! The wild part about NA was everyone is allowed to speak and what everyone has to say isn't conducive to rehabilitation & recovery! You gotta sit through it and listen though! <b>No matter how relapse provocative, sexes or inappropriate this story may be, you have to entertain this bullshit!</b> Its a program that's really unfair or counterproductive to someone fighting literally to stay sober! Cause some of those people undermining the group ain't even clean! It's just like a junky high school reunion! It's a shame people come up in a serious place playing with peoples lives! <b>Trying to meet women who are confused and weak!</b> People with a couple dollars they can fake befriend, as if they know the path to recovery! Just set you up, lead you back into getting high and keep you trapped on never one day clean with them, its sad! <b>They say its all apart of the recovery process but I wanted to stay clean, not play "Lord of the Flies" or "Survivor!"</b> I made it another three months, then I relapsed! To many glamorization and war stories about drugs, with no solid recovery experience to balance them out!<br />
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<b>I don't blame anyone and I'm not bitter!</b> I'm good and happy with myself today! I learned a lot out here on Survivor Island! I wish I could be the type that just did the right thing from just knowing all the information but I've never been the type!<b> I gotta step shit to know its shit!</b> Simpleton huh? I know it's cool but I've always known this and have been this way! Just at this stage of my life its not a character trait I can afford to have! I guess NA is designed more to be like a real life trial for your sobriety! I failed but I came back though! God will get you/me their! Here's the trick though, You have to have Faith cause <b>God literally only shows you your next step and never what's around the corner!</b>The Relapse Diaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15880410527507560033noreply@blogger.com2