Sunday, July 8, 2012

"Curiosity Smokes the Crack"

They have this saying in Narcotics Anonymous about how even before use most Addicts had a attraction or curiosity for the Drug life style! I believe this is true, that I already had the disease of addiction living dormant inside of me! I come from a family of addiction, on both sides of my family! My farther was a alcohol, crack addict and all my uncles are Heroin, Crack addicts! My mother was a Chain Smoker who quit back in 1993 and admits she never drank or smoked because she could see a pattern of substance abuse in her family that she didn't want to fall victim too! So soon as I was old enough I started having street aspirations! I wanted to get some (work)crack to sell! I saw that the junkies had to have it and from social studies class I knew Crack was a commodity! This was some thing its costumers had to have and I was infatuated with it's life style! A grown man will beg a child, a woman will have sex with a child and a child will turn against his friends and community over the kind of money this drug generates!

I had this costumer Kieth back when I live up in Northbrook Township back in the early 90's! He got high but I liked him and I was sympathetic to his plite. He must have liked me too cause I would follow him around all the time asking him questions about crack and the drug game or he would be following me around doing favors or taking me around to all of the Crack houses so I could sell my Crack! My connection with this drug game was a little more than my other juvenile dealer contemporaries! Back then I remember it was this lady name Lisa, she lived up in Deep in Wood apt! Same neighborhood, she ran a crack house, all day long I would sit in there selling crack watching them hit the pipe, smelling the aroma of the coke and watch them geek! Crawling around on the ground looking for rocks, getting naked, hiding pipes! I was enticed and found this lifestyle entertaining and interesting! Little did I know I was being groomed by a predisposed dormant addiction! Training me, being patient and like a coiled viper waiting to strike!

All my life I knew better, Crack is against the code in the hood! As time go on I began to rationalize  and intellectualize possible drug use! Using my intelligence and reasoning to justify to myself why I think it would be cool to use cocaine and Crack! I'm grown now but I have all these Ideas about how good cocaine and Crack must be from all that observation of users I sold to as a teen! They looked happy and satisfied, it must be right! Its still no reason to put aside your self respect and go buy it for yourself and your dormant addictive nature knows your likes, dislikes and weaknesses and the perfect delivery system of Crack just for you!

For me it was pretty girls! Even before I was getting high I liked tricking with the girls who fell victim to the pipe! Not using it but staying close staying up on where it was! Once it all went down, I saw that it was all by design but as the maze was being built I was blind! I should have known better, regular kids and young adults normally don't participate in the illegal drug activities, but I did! In Baltimore City though you see more abnormal than normal on a regular basis or it's only a few doors or buildings away!

Now things have come full circle and I'm the junkie and kids are serving me! I think to myself how fast things can change. I even wonder about the fate of some of these kids that sell to me! I remember before Crack with it's highly addictive properties hit the streets, a lot of addicts on coke and heroin would run you off the corner for being to curious! Kick you in the ass and tell you get the fuck away from around there! Instead of all of this science of addiction! Before all this debate over whats the right philosophy of what causes addiction and the best method of treatment! Just kick you in the ass and tell you get off the corner and to get the fuck back on the steps! I wish someone would have done that for me!!!            

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