Monday, May 14, 2012

"Too Wong Boo"

I had been out earlier driving around in the search for some Crack, I drove down my old way Patterson Park things were dead it wasn't anyone out. For some reason no one wanted to be out hustling on the street. After that I went by Nate's house and the door had been kicked in. I guess their had been a Drug raid. So lucky lucky me, right place at the right which wasn't their a little while earlier! On this evening the wide open one stop crack shop got shut down I was at work. It funny how life goes,people want things to be complex but sometimes it a game of seconds and inches. I guess this is one of the advantages of being the working class crackhead, having a job cuts down on your probability of the problems the average street junky must face, from over exposure to this Baltimore Crack Cocaine Under World! Regardless of it all I'm getting pressed now(anxious) and this was before it ever occurred to me to go up on York Rd to buy Crack for the first time. So basically I've given up for tonight, I'm discouraged and have decided after seeing Nate's post raided house and my inability to find Crack that God himself was sending me  message. I came to the belief as I was driving home that God had spared me from prison by missing the drug raid and by how dry the streets were tonight. I was beginning to take this sign as that God himself no longer wants me to smoke crack! Just as this begins to take root in my mind and thoughts, out of the corner of my eye I see a game sprung Crack freak.

Only a few blocks from home, only a few moments from excepting a opportunity for sobriety, here it is some temptation in a unsuspected place right in front of Good Samaritan Hospital, Temptation! The tension to get high from all the frustration of not being able to find any Crack came over my whole body at once as I was being taken over by a unseen entity. I pull up on shorty and roll down my window as I asked her whats up? She says, "what's up with you" and I say, "I want to hang out if she knows where we can find something". She replies, "I know just the place to go". Instantly I'm relieved and exited all at once. She seems confident in her ability to cop(find) some crack and I believe her. As she sat down I gave her a once over, she looked good but she wasn't really my type, It just wasn't anything getting my juices going! I asked her what was her name and she said Triecie. She asked in return what I was looking for I told her some Crack and she replied as I finished her phrase for her,"You don't even look like you get high!" "I know everyone says that". She asks my age and she says, "I would have guested younger". She says as we continue on, "are you sure your not the police before I take you to the spot?" Because the same thing happened to me not to long ago. She said she was tricking(prostituting)and when they got to the secluded place to do the cop, it turned out to be a sting operation. I assured her that no I wasn't the police and all the trouble I'd been through earlier and sometimes how my clean appearance can get in the way of buying Crack from dealers who don't know me. She says I could imagine because she wouldn't sell to me either if she dealt. I asked her how far we got to go she says right behind the Hospital on Woodbourne ave.

So I go down Belvedere rd. to Hillen rd and a right on to Woodbourne ave. going back towards Loch Raven blvd., I'm thinking all this time it's a Crack House right in my quiet neighborhood and I didn't know. I guess everything happens at their appointed times. In this Crack shit the wrong days or time by minutes and seconds can lead to incarceration. So she tells me to turn left on to Fenwick ave. and make a immediate right into the alley behind Woodbourne ave. She's mad paranoid and being extra cautious but I'm thinking to myself this is a sweet secluded spot and the only way it could be hot is if you or the reckless friends your about introduce me to made it hot. So we ride down the alley to the middle of the block and she tells me to cut off my cars engine and lights. I say is this the place and she says yeah I just got to talk to you first about something. So I'm like well what's up and she says do you have any problem with gay people? I don't have any problem with gay people but at the point I would have care if Elton John himself would have been in there Butt Ass Naked as long as some Crack was being sold. I say, "no Gay people cool". She comes right back with are you Gay? I say no and she says, my bad just thought you may were gay and I had to ask you. I let it roll of my back, I think she was a little burned that I didn't want to trade crack for Sex. You'd think take me to the crack for some free crack would be a good deal, versus suck my dick for some crack but I guess not, I must be Gay!

So you probably would know if you've ever have been back behind their before, that block of Woodbourne ave. is built on a big hill. It's like a two floor hike to the back door. I'm totally relaxed everything has a good feeling to it but she's being mad careful and is so worried like this house is under surveillance from the neighborhood and Police but at this time its a quiet, cool and clear midnight blue night sky. I'm kind of exited to because the journey is over and most of the time unlike straight people, gay people don't play a lot of games. So even with the Crack dynamic, I'm sure it will be the same. She knockS on the door and a soft but male voice comes through the door, Who is it? "It's Triece!" Who you got with you? "A friend he's cool", and a small brown skin gay guy comes to the door. He's in host mode and he's friendly. He's smiling so this seems like this could become a good place to smoke and hang out. The guy sticks his hand out like a girl and I shake it and smile and he invites us in. As I come in its like two more clean cut feminine gay men, two well done but obvious Transsexuals and someone I'm not to sure about, but process of elimination and the homosexual back drop, this is probably a shemale also! So as I walk in its all smiles as their all sitting around like girls smiling like I'm the new boy in class! They're like Triece so who is your friend? I keep it polite everyone is acting civil and I want things to have a good outcome so I act like I'm all good with everything! She says we just met, so one of the boy/girls says I thought you didn't trick. She looks ashamed as if the T-girl was trying to make her feel like less of a woman, though she maybe actually the only woman their. I interrupt and said, I was looking for something and I ran into her and she brought me here. The shemale takes a reluctant tone of standing corrected. Then apologizes more in a way of well he doesn't look like he gets high versus really being sorry.

So the little gay guy goes through a curtain in the back and says cool he has something. While Triecie is involved in a battle of wits with the T-girls, the one who is the spitting image of Toni Braxton motions me with her body language to take the seat beside her. I go over and sit down and begin to have a conversation. A look of jealousy now comes Triecie as if this girl is making a move on her man. She plays it off cool but I can tell she's upset but I'm a person of my word so she doesn't have to get upset I'll hit her off for bringing to her source. So as I sit and wait and get to know the "girls" I'm with I can feel the eyes of all of the T-girls upon me all at once. I look away from talking to my new friend and yes its all eyes on me. Its actually flattering everyone in the room is on you. I guess some might not find this flattering, all the same its a ego boost to be desired by everyone in the room. As I look face by face by face everyone is giving me the fuck me eyes, then I see Triecie and she is definitely not having as much fun as I am. It's almost like I have a gay harem or something, they get me a drink turn on some Maxwell and its a good time. They're all asking me questions as they hang on my every word. It's like that comercial, I'm the most interesting man in the world. Triece is becoming impatient, she says, "what the fuck is taking him so long!" One T-girls is like chill the fuck out, aren't you going to stay for awhile anyway, isn't that why you brought him here. That's the impression I had when we arrived too but I guess things have changed. So one of the Shemales sprinkles some crack shake into some broken down bud(Marijuana) and twists up a Woolie blunt. The blunt should go to the right but they want me to feel welcome so they pass the cypher to me! It smells good in the air, I look up at her/him as I smile and take the blunt, he/she smiles back as I take the blunt and take a nice slow pull, I can hear the blunt crackle and pop as I smoke. The mix of the crack and weed is a good balance. I'm super high but the weed is holding the Crack a little longer than the Crack would be by it's self. I'm feeling good now and all the tension is beginning to be released as I crack my neck, my back and my joints, finger and toes. They all laugh and say it sounds like it been awhile for some one. The reference of Gay sex makes me feel uncomfortable and they can see it all over my face, so a awkward silence takes the room. I feel bad that I wasn't able to conceal my thoughts and feelings, I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable. They were all nice and I was encouraging them. Just then the little gay guy comes back with the crack. 

I'm feeling so good I basically, I don't need the crack anymore, but I came under the intention to buy so I will. The little dude had like a 1/2 oz in a zip lock and asked me how much I wanted. I say let me get three grams. He takes a piece out and slices off the three grams. Toni then asks me do I have a stem. I pull out all of the pipe materials I purchased earlier and give it to her, she breaks down the chore boy and puts my pipe together for me. She then makes a fresh chore boy filter for herself. As we passed pipes and filter screen between one another our eyes meet and she stared deep into my eyes. A funny but good feeling ran through my body and I dropped my eyes as I smiled. Triecie abruptly says "what about me, you going to straighten me out right!" Almost in unison they all let out "damn Triecie calm down let the man enjoy himself that's why you brought him her right?" Toni whispers in my ear just give her what she wants so she can leave. So I chop triece off a twenty five and she has the audacity to turn up her nose. I say, "well whats the problem?" She goes off on a rant of how she's wasted her time and all I'm gone give her is a twenty five. An how me and these faggies ain't right, their stepping on her toes and I'm letting them. I slide the crack back over to me with a playing card like, "so you don't want it!" She gets high pitched and shrill, "Oh you gone take your shit back now, oh I see how it is!" She's trying to put on a good front but when I slid that Crack back over to my end of the mirror, I could hear her heart drop into her stomach! She almost look like she wanted to cry. I take the razor out adding on a nickle more and slide it back over. She graciously excepts this time, rapping up her crack and her pride in a foil gum wrapper as she exited the basement. I would go on to see Triecie several more time as I came and went night after night getting high, but we were more like strangers from then on, you would never guess she introduced me to this place, we were never again the same.

Soon as she walk out and the door was closed behind her, all of the T-girls explode into laughter as I kind of just sat there relieved in agreement to their laughter, but I can't bring myself to laugh, as I feel it would be a since of disloyalty. So Toni brings it to every one's attention that I'm too honorable and ashamed to laugh at Triecie and all of the T-girls seem to find it just as funny. So once everything has settled Toni tells me that I don't need to smoke my shit up, that I am her guest and she would like to Treat me. She reaches inside of her bra underneath a tempting revealing cleavage of a few gold chains. She removes her stash and catches me fantasizing after her breast but this time I don't turn my gaze and we meet in a strong interlocking gaze of the eyes. She knows I find her attractive now and no matter what I say with my mouth, my body and eyes make lies of everything I'll say. She takes my hand and says it alright and lights the stem slightly melting the Crack so that it melts down into the filtered screen. The Crack is still on the pipe but it has just be liquidated down into and saturated the the filter with crack cocaine. The filter has now turned from copper the a ghostly frosty white. I take the stem and take a nice deep hit. I got the hit good none of the smoke is missed as it reaches both lung compartments and the temperature of the smoke leaves me with a burning sensation as I exhale the cocaine smoke just before my longs can stand it anymore. I here a buzzing and feel it as well as I begin to get hot and sweaty. Toni asks if I'm alright and I just motion my head in agreement because I'm so high I can't bring myself to speak. I fall back into the couch as I look at the ceiling while I ride out my high. Toni and all the T-girls laugh and giggle as girls would. Bragging and laughing about how good their Cocaine was. While I lay their feeling great and a multitude of feelings and inhibitions running from head to toe through out my body, one of the girls puts on a sex tape. Its guy on girl and they all notice that it has my attention. I'm awake and mesmerized by the video, its so much more of a interpersonal experience high on cocaine. Something about the release of all of the dopamine the visual stimulation plus the drug induced euphoria creates a very realistic virtual sexual experience. Instantly and effortlessly giving sexual satisfaction,where as sex and dealing with everything that comes with it can get complicated and still not leaving you completely satisfied. Contrary to this experience always ending with a orgasmic high that mostly is never rivaled by the real thing. There is no, no or restrictions, just wild fantasy, ridiculous act, rarely recreated by real women and the amplifying effect of a cocaine induce erotic experience fantasy.

While I'm watching the movie and smoking coke traveling between dream scape drug haze fantasy and a virtual sex experience. I begin to feel a real warm and wet mouth sucking and pleasuring me orally. I look down and its Toni smiling as she looks up at me from her peripheral vision She is going for it as I watch the movie and all of the shemales watch her and me in lust. I have my reservations as to where I'm at with this, is Toni a girl or not a girl? The logic behind all of this would lead me to believe Toni is not a girl, but right now every thing except the live show audience of boy/girls, everything looks right and I'm getting some off the best head I've ever had. Toni is riding my dick with her mouth like a girl rough fucking cowgirl style riding my hips with her pussy. All this why I watch the wildest sexual acts on video. Watching my gay audience watch and squirm in their seats like real girls who are hot in their pussies. Just as I take a another hit of the crack smoke, I climax exploding in Toni's  mouth as the cocaine rush drops down from my head to my loins exploding from my balls and down into Toni's throat, as she finishes me of sucking me dry of all of the remaining semen, down to the last drop. My balls and groin area shiver and quiver as Toni delivers the best head imaginable. She finally comes up off of it, smiling while wiping her chin and lower lip clean, knowing she's done a good job and that I am pleased. I am pleased too!!! A little soul searching to do, a redefinition as to my moral compass, a scattered and fragmented Psyche, but all in all pleased....     


Anonymous said...

God does want you to stop your self abuse and get help. Don't you see? He gave you an out, but the evil one sent his minions to entice you further into the spiral of darkness.

God loves you more than you can imagine, now please stop killing yourself.

Here's a place you can go: (410) 659-4020
Address: 19 W. Franklin Street Baltimore, MD 21201

Anonymous said...

hoooooly shit this is crazy

i am glad i dont smoke crack

Anonymous said...

I just want to say your writing is incredibly good. With a little bit of editing it would be impeccable - you should seriously consider writing a book. As much as I'd like to see you stop using drugs, please keep sharing your life with us - you provide a fascinating insight into a lifestyle and culture that otherwise would have no voice.

Also, you can go the religious route if that's what you need to motivate yourself to quit... but personally, I think the willpower that comes from within to stop using is much stronger. "God" has nothing to do with it. I can understand that some people need religion to provide a reason to go on living a seemingly meaningless existence, but any intelligent human being with even a basic understanding of science knows that religion is a fallacy. It's far more beautiful and mindblowing to begin to grasp the universe, and your place within it, as it really is - an infinitely vast construct of nature, and you are every bit a part of it as the moon and stars are.

The Relapse Diary said...

Thank You Sincerely The Relapse Diary/Clean since 1/1/2013. I use to laugh at people with short clean time but it truly is grace.