"Slow Down"

When I'm out here on this Crack I'm gone! I'm totally under the influence of this substance and  possessed. As if I was under a spell or in the need of a good exorcist! Because I take that first hit off the Crack and "Pipe Talk" has just left the Building!!! It's one of the reasons why I stopped getting high in the Summer Time!

For one whole summer I was a embarrassment and a public nuisance to the York Rd. McCabe Ave. community! I want y'all Mothers, Fathers, Children to know I apologise! I was out of control and just because your community isn't the best, I saw y'all going to work, being parents and I was Out There bringing the community down further and I'm Sorry! Please forgive me for my transgressions! Now my community had drew a line in the sand! Their wasn't going to be any open air drug selling around there, The Loch Raven blvd. & Northern Pkwy area! Not that its any better or the people of my community work harder or are more refined! Its just luck I guess or the Police go out of their way to protect some neighborhoods more than others! And on the other hand between these other four corner this neighborhood is Under Siege by a Crack Gorilla War! In this square radius between these corners, Midwood & Woodbourne , St Georges & Winston , York & Winston and York & Woodbourne, this community is behind enemy lines!

My Crack addiction and induced behavior became a big part of this and ultimately leading me to some aspects of myself where I wanted to quit using drugs! The words of Dr. King has echoed through my head many of nights,"And by the way some of us act, We even lost our minds"! It always starts well but by the end day, after day, after day! Your left broke, discussed with your own behavior and ashamed of yourself!

I'd enter the neighborhood at Woodbourne & Lothian, money and ambitions of finding some good Crack! After walking about a mile to get there, once I find the Crack I want, I'll probably take a hit to get that feeling up in me and I'm out! Walking across the group home front lawn on the way to Glenwood and Ivanhoe. This is a big Crack market, I mean wide open! As you arrive it can be wall to wall Junkies and dealers! People looking at you from their windows and porches in discuss, like we know y'all don't live around here why can't y'all just leave I'll community alone! You haven't used yet but your getting close, the trance and control of Crack urges are beginning to take over you! One crew out there sell nickles or $5 bags of crack! Who can't get together $5? They'll even take $4 when traffic is slow! Late night after all your moneys spent, they can be a junkies best friend! I see someone I know or they knew me towards the end of my last being, they were fighting each other for my sales! They new I worked, they even offered a delivery service once! Can't lose a Goose with the Golden Eggs in a street bust! Candidly, I'm a lazy addict! I have a little money most times so I'll buy the Crack and want to get high so bad, I won't want to walk another five blocks to get the Crack stem & Chore Boy Brillo to make a Pipe! So a lot of times I'll hook up with some desperate soul and give them a couple of hits so I can use their pipe! I know It's lazy as shit! Give away $10 to $20 dollars just not to spend $3.50 to walk for what I need! So me and the assistant junkie of the evening are off to some covert places to Smoke this Crack! Their is a park behind Glenwood & Ivanhoe it's  real messed  up these days! No ones letting their kids play back there anymore! Them days is over, its a shame though a dilapidated needle and crack vile littered playground! Or we can go behind the house on the corner of Sheridan & Ready ave! It's a house on the corner behind Ready ave. with a tall grey wooden porch out back. You can sit back there and get high all night if you want to!

So as we sit down and load the pipe up, I give the guy I'm with two of the tall nickles to himself, so he'll relax and let me hit the pipe/enjoy my crack in peace! The Crack is white with a pink shimmer to it, they call that Fish Scale! That's some good shit! I strike my lighter and hit the Crack and inhale that sweet Crack smoke and I feel the boost immediately! I feel good but instantly my common sense and discretion comes straight to the for front! "Alright Yo I'm gone"! I'm becoming increasingly paranoid! Every infinite possibility of how I can be arrested is running through my head! I gotta go! So I'm out on Ready ave. trying to not look suspicious but I feel like all eyes are on me! I'm headed towards another creep spot behind Ready and McCabe! It's a unpaved grassy and weeded alley with only enough room to walk up. So I'll sit back here for a minute until my Crack gets low and Smoke! I take a few hits, now I worried again! Did anyone see me walk behind here, can anyone see my flame in the dark, as I've been back here Smoking Crack like it's legal!

I sneak my way out of the alley across Beaumont ave. over to another well know open air drug market York Rd & Chateau! I use to have to beg to be served around there or for the right person to know me but now I'm a permanent fixture! It's crazy how time flies while your Smoking Crack! My man T be up there he's a good Nigga ,always looking out for me and he's been lasting the longest and having the most success of any of the hustlers I originally started with around there! T only sell Twenties, It's hard and it crystallized! T says "What's up Baby"! Let me get Two twenties, "Walk down the street" he says! Couple seconds later he's right back at me, "Put that Up or in your mouth, It's hot around here"! As I exit the block I see Police ride by on York Rd, I'm not even worried. I go in the alley behind Chateau and the Cricket store, load up and smoke some of T's Crack! His bags are about as big as two stamps filled up with crystallized razor chopped flakes of Crack! His shit sizzles Hard  like fresh fries dropped in hot grease, mostly cocaine with only enough baking soda to get it to form! This shit is out of its world! I'm gone, spun, tweaking and geaking! Running all night from imaginary police,helicopters and window watchers! Between homes, alleys, yards, up and down streets! Dogs barking, flood lights,rose bushes as I keep smoking sweating and running! Four hours later I'm coming out of a abandoned house on Ivanhoe & McCabe Paranoid again High! I sit on a stoop as to look inconspicuous and I hear a loud raspy voice "Whoadie is you OK, your sweating Hard as shit, You need to come with me"! I'm meeting "Momma Frita" for the first time, the sun is rising people are coming out to go to work and I NEED TO SLOW DOWN!!!                                 

"Crack Sizzles but It's Cold"

I alot of times that I behave impulsively, I wound up in situations smoking this shit! An you waste alot womens time cause while you was high, you were turned on as shit but once your high comes down your like, "Oh my God what the fuck happened to you"!!! They say drugs do change you it just brings out or lowers your inhibitians. That shit ain't necessarily true! That's that scorned lovers and enabler talk! Cause I've been there when the shit comes down, wears off, three to five blocks later and thought to myself what was I thinking when I picked you up! She looked like a Dime when I picked her up now I wanna give her a dime just to get out the car!

I be feeling bad about that shit too sometimes. Cause you telling them basically is, I fucked up and was fucked up on this shit but not so fucked up that I wanted put my dick up in you, even with a rubber on! An I've seen there faces, that shit is a blow to the self esteam! I've never had this problem but it's the male eqivalent of having a hot car, drugs and money but you look so busted a girl tells you,"Naw thats alright I'ma get high some other time! An that real unlikely! I've seen some girls ride off with some Johns, thinking the girl must be crazy and this would probally be the last time I was ever going to see her again!

Worst part is when you realise this ain't what you wanna do and you fess up like,"thats alright I changed my mind!" They get mad and don't want to get out! Start talking about all the money they prospectively missed fucking with you! Your arguing, you was looking pretty desparate and in need of a ride when I picked you up! I'll take you back but I'm not giving you shit! You can be cool or get out right now! Then the fabled, "Well can I atleast get a hit or something for my time!" Hell no do you give out sympathy blow jobs? I think not, please!

The Hoe business is just like anything else! Even hoing, either you got good merchandise that customer are interested in or you need a gimic! Sorry you put your self in this position to use and bardered but you can't even sell pussy without the right packaging! Its a cold world out here and I'm just saying it! People being used, just on these streets you don't have to be politically correct about it! Its not enough time for manners! If your money or drugs are not right they'll do the same thing to you, Treat you like straight shit! I don't hate women, prostitutes or people! So stop judging! Ya'll colder than me! Ya'll see them as you walk by them indifferent going in the Bar for drinks, playing your lotteries or waiting at the gas pump! I see them! But if your out here playing with your game fucked up! I'm not the one to Test, Cause I'll take your ass to school!!!                    

"The Trifling Times of Mica"

      In my outs and a bouts of smoking Crack, occasionally you run across someone who catches your eye or gets your attention. Someone you think to yourself what are they doing out here(getting high)! I'm sure they must think or I hope they think the same thing about me! With it being so many "Walking Dead" out here, when you see someone in the need of just a little resuscitation, you just want to provide a little air!

      So when I would be out on the strip(where they sell drugs) I kept seeing this sassy busy body girl coping(buying drugs)! I was always doing my thing and she was doing hers. So get to know her how I would really like to probably wasn't going to happen. Besides, I keep it moving, Cop and Bop is my motto! Jail whether you know or not, and fuck what you see on MSNBC, is not the place to be!

     One night after work downtown at the Inner Harbor I jumped on the #8 Bus headed up York Rd. feeling good about myself with a surplus of money. A good night at work, some co-workers invited me out for drinks but I decline! I wanna smoke my money up tonight. Alcohol and Sex is cool but I want to blast off, "Journey to Where only Some Men Have Been Before!" While I'm on the bus I hit Frita on the phone! I hate to wait while I'm jonesing for Crack! So I call ahead so the dealers will be there or on the way before I get there. I get off on York & Woodbourne go up inside the "BP" station, You already know Glass a lighter & some chore boy!

     Now I'm on Lothian st., knock on Frita's door, I hear loud as shit 2am WHO IS IT? "Pipe Talk" WHO? "Pipe Talk"! On the other side of the door I hear Frita's voice, "Oh shit girl that's my Baby, the one I was telling you about"! So the door opens and damn what do we have here! Its shorty, She has personality too,"Hi I'm Mica" with a smile! "Who are you"? Loud from in side the house, Frita yells, "Mica girl stop fucking around and let him in and close my got damn door!" I laugh and smile as I come in, Mica pushes me and says "Ain't nothing funny"! I think to myself I like her and she reminds me of Rhianna! She slim and sexy like TLC and she's got style too. I see her checking me out, I can tell she likes me! So now getting high is kind of on the back burner!While I'm getting settled I notice Mica is wearing Shades inside the house and its 3am! I can see bruising around her eye beneath her shades, so in this type of world I can imagine what could have happened! Its a shame but in the streets the rules are different! A out of pocket chick gone get her head combed(Fucked Up)! LOUD AS SHIT, again "Whats up Whoadie?" "come over here give Momma Frita a hug"! Frita is in her late fifties and still thinks people say Whoadie! She asks me, "You trying to get something, Want me to call somebody?" Yes that's why I called before I came! "We good, Doug is upstairs". "DOUG DOUG DOUG" "I hear you Frita be cool", Doug yells from up stairs! As he runs down the stairs! We dap up(shake hands) I get 10 Dimes and he's gone, in and out as always!

    I give Frita two and Mica two and keep six for myself! Mica plops down beside me and pulls out her stem and asks do I have a stem of my own. I say yes and they start breaking their bags down. They cut up their shit up in front of them on the glass coffee table. Doug's coke is always good and he usually sell 20's but these dimes he's got are a real nice. Mica wants to know me, asking  about my age and where I'm from! In between the conversation she fires up and hits the pipe. She does this puff puff action, in and out shit with her cheeks! She's trying to maximize the blast taking it in and out of her lungs not wasting the coke by exhaling all at once! I go to hit my shit, she tell me to wait with her finger raised and gives me a big shot Gun hit! I get kind of excited as our lips meet, so to be frosted over by the chilly rush of pure cocaine vapors. It was alright but this is not high school or collegiate, I'm a pro! I need mines right from the horses mouth! I strike my lighter taking a hit from my fully loaded crack pipe and the sweet aroma enters my mouth and tickles my lungs! I'm high as shit and I'm geeking(stuck from the hit and rocking back and forth)I'm dazed, not even in the room anymore! Just then Mica surprises me and unbuttons her shirt taking her bra off in front of me and Frita! She was a small girl but she had some big ass fake titties! Whoever her plastic surgeon was those mutha fuckers were some of his best work! I instantly woke up and came around! The cocaine takes away all of her inhibitions! Frita says that  she use to dance in Philly! A few hits later Frita's gone upstairs and we're back at the Club! Mica's now stripped down to nothing but her panties and Ugg boots giving me a lap dance in reverse Cowgirl style in the single chair as she leans back against my chest caressing and kissing my neck as we share pipe hits and shotguns! Romantic I know right!;-) As she gets on top to face me rubbing her pussy up, down and across my dick! She hasn't lost a thing from her days as a dancer! I ask her what happened to her eye! She takes off the shades and her eye is real jacked up! Its a shame!(Someone would ruin something so pretty)  She said this dude burned her(sold fake or poor quality Crack) and she was demanding her money back! His boys were laughing at him cause a girl was up in his face, like he was a sucka! So he floored her! I almost wish I didn't bring it up! It made her revisit the pain and it killed the sexual energy. Then again it didn't, it touched her, she gave me a deep and strong hug! Looked me in the eye(1 eye joke) and took my hand and began to lead me upstairs to a bedroom!!!! As we went up stairs, I think to myself that I normally like thick girls but that slim ass in those black lace panties and Uggs looked so good going up the stairs in front of me!!!

    As I walk behind her I'm smiling and giddy! Now I'm thinking  about the melody of French Montana's "Shot Caller", Shorty got potential I could be her sponsor, Met her back stage at a Summer Jam concert, Hair like Rhianna, shoe game was awesome, I could tell by her aura she want a shot caller!

"I Seen Her Around The Meetings Before"

    I was coming out of a relationship were I realized that even though me in this girl had alot going good it wasn't going anywhere. She was a dancer and it was all about a dollar. I don't think she could even see herself for who she actually was but she was a Gold Digger.

   So in the process of dealing with her I had stoped going to meetings and reading recovery literature, just let my whole recovery process just fall off dealing with shorty and her kids. I had 4 months clean when I met her and 7 months as me and shorty went our seperate ways. So now it's the first time I had to test my sobriety alone. I hadn't developed a recovery schedule/plan yet. My girl was self centered and in my pockets but we were good as a family and it gave me something to do and a family to keep my mind on instead of the drugs.

   So I got off of work and I just didn't want to face my home alone. I wanted something to do, someone
   to hang out with. So I drove down to where I use to live Baltimore and Highland and I coped something(Crack)! I was well known before I got clean so it was like a family reunion when I showed up on the strip.
All the dealers was mad happy to see me! That was actually a relief cause its not gonna be a problem getting something and the size and quality would be good! Its so many people out there though, who am I gonna buy from. Its like 5 to 6 dealers out there I know jockeying for the sale! Then I here a exited voice call, "My Man Ray Lewis"! I use to have this dude Donte I always meet me by the "Ray Lewis Restaruant" in Canton. Cause its alot of foot traffic at the "Canton Can Company" and no one notices you doing a deal. An I'm kind of stocky and about the same coplexion as Ray and there you have it,I'm Ray Lewis! Its a cool nickname though cause if dealers are afraid to serve so you, show your face and say "Man ya'll know me Ray Lewis" And you've got service! Donte didn't have his shit bagged up he was breaking off(portioning the crack on spot), I normally hate that shit but he broke me of a nice gram for like $40 and the Crack was hard white almost like porcelian! I knew I was good and I shortly would be on my way to High School!!!

    So I get in the car head down Baltimore st. and bang a left on Conkling headed to the "BP" for some Stims and Chore boy! It's like late march and this is a big mixed neighborhood alot of white girls tricking, its a nice night too and they're making alot of eye contact! They're looking real sleezy but real sexy at the same time! I have'nt lost a step! I pull in at the "BP" parking lot covertly near the rear corner so I can take a hit before I get on the road! I go into the store and the arab dude wants to rap(talk) like we best friends! Where I been, What I been up to,do I still live around there? Then he asks me what I want? I Just look at him like come on! He starts bagging it up, Stim Lighter and some Chore boy. I'm ready now! Go to the car rip a nice piece of the chore boy off making a filter, blow the fake rose out of the pipe, stuff in the filter, get out a Cd cover and a razor and cut me off a nice size twenty to put on the pipe! I can't wait, for all the good feelings you get from self restraint it feels just as good to give into what you've been resisting! It's like getting some pussy for the first time and eating a crispy cream dougnut on your Birthday!

  Then boom boom boom boom!!!! I look up to the left its this white girl I was in NA(narcotics anonymous) with! Damn my heart is beating fast, she scared the shit out of me!!! I got everything out on the front seat, so I clean up some and I let her in the car. She's all distraught and crying! She was always crying in the meetings, my mother went to meetings with me sometimes, she couldn't stand her! Like"these God damn people cry too much!" "Get clean or get high but stop crying"! So she started telling me she got robbed tricking(prostitution)! They got the Head & Sholders and put the gun to her and took $200 dollars off of her! So I guess we both know what been up to since the last meeting we saw each other at!

    She sees my coke and her spirit quikly turn for the better! She said, "I could tell in the meetings you were about something, I thought you was cute too but I was trying to get myself together, You know?" "Yeah," I know and here we both are" I saw you too in the meetings!;-) "So what up!" I say, She says"Can I get a hit, I need to get myself together?" "Sure be my guest" she takes a big hit, it rocks her she's stuck leans back still against the seat legs sprawled open wide with these sexy little gym shorts on and straight out of it,GONE! I take mines as I wait for her to come back down and damn this shit is good! Felt like your heart skipped a beat then damn your can't hear nothing everythings glassy and distorted like time stopped moving in slow motion! We both come around all freaky, talking sexually recless, eye fucking, smiling, squirming in our seats and  feeling on each other, admiring each other bodies with our hands, all the inhibitions had have been stripped away! She says, you want to go back to my place, I rent a room around the corner, I'm like sure, but lets take one more hit first!!! ;-)                

"Jesus Walks"

   I have no desire to get high right now but I'm not working and my moneys kind of low. I haven't been able to hold a decent job in a couple of months. I'm good at presenting myself, doing resumes,interviews but once I get the job the money and the stress or sometimes the disapointment of unrealised goals. I'm back with the pipe in my mouth. You might say I'm weak but I'm not, I've been selling my strength using over the last couple of years getting high. I could tell as soon as I started using Cocaine/Crack it was t the devil incarnated. You can feel your discipline and self esteam getting away from you with every pull or bump. You want to pull yourself together but you found an affinity for something you really enjoy(everything good to you ain't good for you)! Before you know you have a problem, your addicted. Now you can't stop if you want to. I takes something to really get your attention to stop. With me it was my girlfriend at the time, who put me out of our home for stealing her personal stash, offering me $5,000 to go to rehab. That really touched me and at the same time it put the mirror in my face(I had to take a good look at myself). I was gone, Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone, and it had been a long long time.

   So I didn't stop that day but it lit the fuse and about a few weeks later I was in rehab. Didn't know what to expect but I felt like I was on the right track. An with every step I took in a right direction God to five steps towards me. Don't trip but one time he even spoke to me. I was clean and beginning to see the reckage I had created out of my life and not living behind the vail of drugs, blinding me from seeing myself as I actually was. Well anyway at a traffic light A woman yelled out from a car "They ain't got everything, they got cars, money, family but they still want things just like you" and pulled off! I thought she was talking about the restaraunt I was working at, cause I had my uniform on and we had just rolled out a new menu that week! I'm trying to explain we got alot of new stuff, naming things off the menu. Then it hit me, God was listening. The whole walk to work, all I was seeing and was thinking about was what I didn't have. Material things,and material things aren't everything! God sent me a personal envite,so I came back home! Don't beat yourself up worrying about what you don't have and appreciate what you do have! And just live your life!!!!;-) aye aye aye aye!!!!

When I started writing this I originally was trying to think of a good street story but I'm glad this came out!